


There is no Hell, Just Gooserock

by EFIL4NAMXOV



Category: Original Work
Genre: Adventure, But Nothing Too Bad, Forgiveness and acceptance, Gets somewhat violent at times, I'm not exactly Eli Roth over here, I'm working with others on this thing, Is an extension to SneaselXRiolu's Hanahaki AU, Sci-fi/fantasy elements, Some Humor, Some angst, also lots of pop culture references, family themes, lots and lots of swearing, see if you can find them all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 73,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EFIL4NAMXOV/pseuds/EFIL4NAMXOV
Summary: Former hero-in-training Dante DeMarco thinks he's had enough adventuring to last him a lifetime, so he tries to settle down with his fiancé... but when an old foe reemerges more powerful and ruthless than before, Dante must team up with allies old and new to save the day. Along the way, he and others learn more about themselves and others as he tries to deal with the traumas of his own past.
Relationships: Khonshu/Original female character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 775
Kudos: 151





	1. Familiar Faces

**Author's Note:**

> Buongiorno, people of the Interweb! Welcome back to my obscure little corner of the world!
> 
> This story is a spinoff of a spinoff: specifically, it will focus on the OCs from the B-Plot of the fan fiction "What Happened to Shadowy Figure?" by Boxman_Bots_Are_Number_1 -- and that story itself was spun off from "Hanahaki AU" by SneaselXRiolu. Both phenomenal fanfics I highly recommend you check out -- not just because you'll need to have read them to have any bloody idea what's going on in this story. They're just great stories in their own right.
> 
> Anyway, this tale was written to follow up on Dante DeMarco's story as he tries to deal with his uncertain future and tie up the loose ends from his past. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Familiar Faces

The sun shone on a wondrous Spring day in the windswept coastal city of Starport, MA. Dante DeMarco was helping his fiancé Regina Benoit decorate the house she recently had built in that city — he anticipated that he wouldn’t have much longer to stay at his room in the Asker dimension, so he decided it wouldn’t hurt to find a new place where he can be with his beloved. They were both magic users, so it barely took them any effort.

“Just need t’ hang up this here picture, and we’ll be done fo’ the day,” Regina said to no one in particular. She adjusted a framed Sopranos poster — autographed by James Gandolfini himself — on the wall just outside their bedroom. She adjusted it until it was symmetrically placed on the wall. “Daddy always said a house ain’t a home without unique accouterments… shame he nevah really watched this show, though.” She smirked as she used her magic to clean herself from the grit of her work — her paint and sawdust-stained t-shirt and sweatpants being replaced by her usual, far more elegant attire: a white collared shirt with a teal bowtie, a glittery gold waistcoat, dark red pants, and black-and-white shoes with blue-gray spats. Her rosy pink hair which was once tousled around her head was now in a sleek ponytail, and a pair of silver-rimmed glasses appeared over her gold-glowing eyes.

“You done up there?” Dante trudged up the stairs from the basement, having just furnished it with a bumper pool table, flat-screen TV with his vast DVD collection and video game systems installed, and — his personal touch — busts of the Three Stooges on a shelf by the window. “The Casa de Benoit has officially been completed!” He gave his fiancé a quick peck on the cheek once he reached the top of the stairs.

“We ah quite the team, Dante,” Regina intoned, her falsetto voice carrying a smooth Cajun accent in direct contrast to Dante’s broader baritone with a distinct Bostonian twang. In fact, they contrasted greatly in terms of appearance as well; his burly frame and her athletic build; his lightly-tanned complexion and her light-gray complexion. He also had jet black hair in a buzzcut, neatly-trimmed goatee and friendly mutton chops, and heterochromatic eyes — one teal, the other purple.

“Hey, it’s about 1,” Dante noted. “How ‘bout I get us some lunch?”

“I can whip something up right quick,” Regina replied. “Why don’cha run out and get us some mo’ Captain Morgan? I noticed we somehow ran out.”

“Yeah, much like everything else, you can blame that on Khonshu,” Dante said half-jokingly. “He ‘borrowed’ it for his next date with Clarence. I swear, the man’s thousands of years old and has less maturity about dating than I! Nevertheless, I’ll grab us some more.” He noticed he was still wearing his dirty black jumper from the housework, so one snap of his fingers turned his wardrobe into something more upscale — a tieless black suit with a red shirt, black shoes with white spats, downy white gloves, and a black bowler hat.

“I shan’t take too long, mio amore.” He slid down the banister to the front door, grabbed his ornate cane — which had a gold skull handle and a gradient rainbow-colored shaft — and sauntered out the door and into the street… whereupon it only took him five seconds to get hit by a car screaming 20 miles over the speed limit.

Dante’s eyes crept open about two hours later. He was sprawled across his living room sofa as he saw Regina and another individual watching over him. The other fellow was an etherial being made of some sparkling purple mist, its head a midnight blue skull. He was wearing a cream-colored suit with a white shirt and narrow black tie.

“Oh, Dante, thank the Stahs you’re awlright!” Regina hugged her fiancé only to let go a second later as she remembered that he just got smacked with a ton and a half of steel.

“I’ll be okay, honey.” Dante groaned as he sat up. “Just gonna need some pot and I’ll be fine.” He then looked toward the anonymous being standing over him. “And I take it you’re the one who just Butch Coolidge’d me?”

“I am so sorry, Dante,” the being said profusely. “I really, _really_ didn’t mean to run you down! I was just panicking is all!”

Dante rubbed his forehead. “Sorry, who the fuck’re you?”

The being blinked. “You really don’t remember? It’s _me,_ Brian Vizzini! Y’know, Bad Boy Brian! Brian the Lion! We were in World History together Freshman year!”

“Oh yeah…” Dante nodded slowly. “To what do I owe the honor of your visit? Not that I never wanted to see you again, but there are better ways of getting my attention.”

“Again, I am so sorry.” Brian held his hands out. “I was just in such a panic to get out of Gooserock and, well… I came all the way here because we need your help.”

“That car wreck must’ve fucked up my hearing,” Dante said with a sardonic chuckle. “Sounds like you said people in Gooserock actually want me around.”

“Because you and Regina are the only ones who can help,” Brian clarified. “Devon Graham is back, and he’s worse than before.”

Dante froze in shock at hearing that last sentence. Years of repressed frustration and festering anguish bubbled to the surface of his brain, his mind racing with a thousand different thoughts and mental images at once at the thought of the heinous bully somehow being worse than Dante remembers — an idea he once thought inconceivable.

 _“Mingya.”_ Dante slumped back down as he tried to process what he’s just heard.


	2. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dante and Regina learn more about what's been happening in their old hometown, discovering a villain from their past has made a dramatic return.

“Lemme get this straight,” Dante said with the slightest hint of pent-up frustration in his voice. “You are telling me that Devon Graham, the man who _ruined my fucking life_ , not only survived the unholy curb-stomp I delivered upon him, but is somehow now more powerful than ever?” He had gathered the energy to stand from his couch and had just downed half a bottle of pain pills.

“That’s right,” Brian Vizzini responded hesitantly. “Like, he’s just… stronger, more powerful — and not just physically. He could certainly take on any of us in a fight, but what I mean is, his influence has grown as well. His family’s wealth is astronomical compared to what it once was; maybe they made some investments in something? I dunno what, but the dude’s got entire chunks of the city to himself, he’s got the politicians, the police, the church, and the local media all working directly for him. He’s made everything about him now — it’s like a goddamned cult!”

Dante let out a long sigh. “Fucking figures… wait a minute, did you say ‘city?’ How the fuck does Gooserock count as a city, or indeed anything but a flyspeck on a map? Fuck’s sake, you can’t even get real drugs there!”

“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention,” Vizzini responded. “He’s also used a private militia of his to annex multiple neighboring towns into becoming part of his empire… probably should’ve said that before.”

“Gee, ya think?” Dante rolled his eyes as he gave some dinner to his pet hermit crab, Swirly.

“Please, I’m upset enough as it is,” Vizzini said. “There’s no need to get snippy.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Dante slowly strolled toward his compatriot. “Was I being snippy? Well, I hope you’ll forgive me if I ain’t exactly at my most chipper when _I GET MOWED THE FUCK DOWN IN FRONT OF MY OWN HOME!_ ” He took in a deep breath to calm himself. “Regardless, I am sympathetic to the situation you’re facing.”

“Agreed,” Regina said as she reentered the room with a blunt for her fiancé. “Afta’ all what he did to us, you best believe we’d come a-runnin’ to put that palooka in his place. Have y’all got any battle plans ready, or were ya leavin’ that part up to us as well?”

Vizzini looked uneasy. “Well, I’ve got a team back in Gooserock ready, but we need all the help we can get. You guys were the only ones we could think of and, since your siblings went missing and all…”

“HOLD THE FUCK UP!” Dante stormed over and grabbed the demon by his lapels. “You’re standing there telling be that my siblings have disappeared under mysterious circumstances — which your words seem to imply have to do with my childhood bully — and YOU DIDN’T BOTHER TO TELL ME UNTIL NOW? What OTHER info are you withholding from me you useless son-of-a-BITCH!? Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean that, it’s just… got a lotta history.” He let go of the other man.

Regina put a hand on Dante’s shoulder. “Honey-pie, I may not’ve gone through all that horrible merde y’all suffered, but I know where y’at emotionally. Right now, ya gotta focus. Who knows? Maybe helpin’ our old schoolmates bring Devon down once n’ for all might could give ya some closure.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Vizzini said quickly. “We’ll gladly work with you however we can, and if you help us, we’ll be greatly indebted to you.”

“Okay,” Dante said. “I’ll do it — not because I want you to owe me anything, of course. I just want the satisfaction of showing that pussy-punk-bitch Devon that he can’t just get away with abusing people like that.”

“Thank you!” Vizzini gave Dante a crushing hug, aggravating his injuries before letting go.

“Think nothing of it,” Dante replied. “I just need to make a call before we go. Like you said, we’re gonna need all the help we can get.” Dante used his magic to pull up a holographic screen as he sent out a group call to two familiar friends of his: Brittney Spark and Jessie Bendrick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to BBAN1 and Grande Fan for their help!


	3. Putting the Band Back Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dante calls in a few favors.

Jessie was in her room, taking some time to herself as she read up on an ancient textbook. She had her hair up in a half-made bun as she hunched over the book, writing down something on a separate piece of paper with an ancient-looking pen.

She was in a hidden part of her room in the AAP, which was mostly dark with only candles lighting the room. Even then it wasn't that much light. But, thanks to her demonic side, she was able to see in little to no lighting.

She turned a page, her serious expression turning sour as she glared at the picture before her. She lightly growled, nearly breaking the pen in her left hand. Before she could do anything else, her phone rang an italian diddy she had added for Dante only.

Setring everything down, she closed her book and grabbed her phone, blowing out the candles as she left the room. It was only when she sat down at her regular desk did she answer the call.

"This is Jessie," She said simply, smiling confidently when she saw Dante's face. "What's up, Dant?"

Dante breathed a sigh of relief when his friend answered. "Jessie, I am wicked sorry to bother you, but something important has just come up. Do you happen to recall when I told you about Devon Graham, that psychotic troglodyte who spent years making my life a living hell? Well, he's back and worse than ever. By the sounds of it, he's turned my old hometown into some kind of dictatorship, and he may or may not have something to do with my siblings going missing. I know I'm asking for a lot, and I understand if you say no, but... would you please consider helping us take care of this?"

Jessie was silent for a moment, an unusually calm expression - if you ignore the eye twitch - before she answered.

"Dant," She began, voice smooth and calm. "When you first revealed your backstory to us, I hated Devon Graham to the point where I personally wanted to torture him and rip out every organ in his body for as long as possible before he breathed his last breathe." Jessie noticed the uneasy expression on Dante's face.

" _But,_ " Jessie tried to save the conversation. "I'm willing to help you. 'Sides, you still haven't brought me to your old hometown yet, so there's also that."

"Ya think YOU hate him? I'm the one he shoved through a plate-glass window because I accidentally bumped him in the hallway!" Dante paused and took a breath to calm himself. "Still, I'm glad to hear you're willing to help. Also, just so you know, I'm waiting for Brittney to pick up so I can ask her is she'd like to help, too."

"K-K." Jessie put up an "okay" sign. "BTW, are you gonna call Clar and Khon? They might be helpful too. Especially since they became a great power couple."

"You know I wouldn't leave my favorite Egyptian god and his fashion queen android lover out of the proceedings!" Dante paused. "That is, assuming her parents ain't still treating the old bird like a lab rat and all..."

They were not treating the deity as a lab rat, but they were doing some upgrades to their daughter.

"Ay, _mamá_ , _papá_ ," Clarence sighed, feeling of annoyance and embarrassment flooding her circuitry. "It's just thirty-five percent alcohol! It's not even that much! Can you just let me go out with Khonny, _por favor_?"

"You know we can't, _hija_." Her father said, looking over some charts and statistics. "We know you don't drink often, but we are more worried about your _novio_."

" _Sí_ ," Her mother nodded, patting her daughter's shoulder comfortingly. "We are just worried about the chance of both of you being too drunk to make it home in one piece. Besides, you were due for an upgrade next week. We're just trying to save time."

Clarence sighed, bringing a leg up to her chest. "I get it, I get it." She rubbed her temple. "But did you REALLY have to do it with Khonshu RIGHT IN THE ROOM?!"

Clarence gestured to the Egyptian god, a case of Captain Morgan on his lap, sitting in a chair off to the far side of the lab. He was blushing harshly as he saw his girlfriend without her clothes on; she only had on the Astro Boy-like clothes design.

It made sense because the dimension Clarence is originally from is the 2009 Astro Boy film, but taken place about fifteen years into the future ay the time of Clarence's birth; it's more due to her age.

"Are we... going to the park soon?" Khonshu asked. He sighed when the two scientists ignored his question. He then felt his phone buzz. "Steve's crematorium," he answered sarcastically. "You ghost 'em, we roast 'em."

"Khonshu, ya big, fucking canary!" Of course, it was Dante. "You and that wonderful little automaton whose finger you're ever so firmly wrapped around need to drop what you're doing and get the fuck over here!"

"...who is this?" If Khonshu had a human mouth, he'd be smirking right now.

Dante groaned. "This is serious, bone-boy! Devon Graham's back and worse than ever, and I'm assembling a team-"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'M IN!" Khonshu excitedly hung up before standing and addressing Clarence's parents. "Just out of curiosity, how much longer is this gonna take? Your daughter and I have services desperately needed elsewhere."

Her parents looked at one another, smirking.

"What do you say, _mi amor_?" Her father began. "Can we finish this up our daughter's upgrade in the next one-point-six-seven seconds?"

"Oh," Her mother began, smirk growing. "I think we can made it one-point-three-two seconds."

Clarence only had time to utter an "Oh, boy," before her parents, in a cloud of smoke, worked on their daughter and finished within the timeframe they established.

"There you go, _hija_ ," Her father said as Clarence slid off the table, walking over to the table where her clothes were. "Now your agility and stealth features will allow you to move at fifty percent more efficient than before."

"Thanks, _papá_ ," Clarence smiled, sliding on her mint ruffled shirt. " I'll see you two later. I love you!" She blew kisses at her parents, hopping a bit as she put on her peppermint-striped miniskirt.

She and Khonshu walked out of the lab, the automatic door closing behind them.

"Sorry you had to see that, Khon-pie. But, you know you could've just left, right? Or," Clarence took on a more flirtatious look, an eyebrow raised. "Did you just want an excuse to get a sneak peek of what you're dealing with?"

The deity’s GIANT FUCKING BIRD SKULL spun 360 degrees a few times before he tried to stammer out an excuse, eventually giving up because he knew he’d been caught.

  
“Well, um, anyway darling,” he tried to change the subject. “The reason we had to leave is because Dante’s called on our services in beating an old enemy of his. Do you remember that horrid school bully of his, Devon Graham? That’s who.”

Clarence's eyes flashed blood red before going back to their regular pale green.

"Ah, yes." Her voice was uncharacteristically flat and dull. "I just about forgot about him. Well," She clicked her tongue. "Why're we still here? Let's get going to Dante's."

\---

Brittney leaned against a wall of a warehouse, far away enough from the villains & heroes so they wouldn't overhear the conversation. Pulling out her phone - which was high-tech & well-built - she answered Dante's call.

"Hey Dante," She said, smoothing out her hair a bit. "How're you doing? Finally got the house you and your future wife will live in set up?"

“Brittney, glad ya picked up!” Dante seemed relieved to finally hear her pick up. “Look, there’s not much time to explain, so let me sum up: Devon Graham’s back, he’s become a quasi-dictator, he may’ve done something horrible to my family, and I kinda sorta need your help to lead the charge against him. Can you make it?”

"Uh," Brittney glanced around the corner, seeing the Big 3 & villains discussing the information she & Kai had given them. She looked back at Dante. "As much as I want to get help and be a part of a big event like this, I...I'm gonna have to decline."

"I-It's not like I don't _want_ to, believe me, my life before has given me a strong sense of justice and setting things right. But, I'm kinda sorta already in the middle of that right now?" She paused, trying to think of a way that wouldn't sound horrible. "Remember the plans Clarence sent out to us once she was able to decode them from the DEFCON 5? Specifically, the one involving Music Meister?"

“Oh yeah,” Dante said. “Sorry about that. Good luck with whatever you got going on.”

"Thanks, Dante." Brittney smiled weakly. She then thought of something. "If it makes you feel better, I can give you guys some talismans. I've made plenty over the years and, once I'm free, I can offer ya'll some."

“Oh, that’d be simply divine.” Dante smiled knowingly. “Well, wish me luck! If I fuck up and die, I’ll let ya know, okay? Bye!”

Dante hung up before Brittney could say anything else. Sighing to herself, she placed her phone back into her hidden pocket, walking back to the others.

"Okay," She said, not in the mood to scare or startle anyone right now. "I'm back. I see Tomura's brain is still fried from the embarrassment of flirting with me after turning me down and the weight of the revelation." She looked at the still unconscious Tomura.

"So," She began, hands on her hips. "What's the choice you're gonna make on joining forces temporarily and stopping Music Meister and whoever else he may be working with? Gonna do it for justice and/or revenge for almost killing you, or are you just gonna leave it be?"


	4. What the Tanuki Dragged In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dante's friends show up to help, but an uninvited guest causes confusion.

A text appeared on the screen of Dante's iPhone. It was from SneaselXRiolu.

"I'm getting my limousine. You will hear from me soon, Inferno."

Rolling his eyes at the pun, Dante glanced curiously at the text message he’d just received. 

“Huh,” he said. “Didn’t think Sixer would be up for an adventure of this magnitude. Not complaining, though; we’ll need all the help we can get, and her God Quill will be most auspicious in this trying time.”

“Another lady friend of yours?” Regina gave her fiancé a playful nudge. “Ya betta count y’self lucky I ain’t the paranoid jealous type, otherwise I might coulda had Daddy put a cigar out on your nuts.”

Dante giggled. “Don’t think I didn’t see that list of actors you sometimes fantasize about... though I must say, you do have impeccable taste.”

“Ah, honey, you’re just sayin’ that cuz most of them were in the MCU.” Regina put a hand under her beau’s chin.

Dante put his hands on her shoulders. “What can I say? I’m a dork!”

The two shared a loving embrace as Vizzini fidgeted uncomfortably on the couch. “Hey, uh, when are these people supposed to show up?”

“You worry too much,” Dante replied coolly. “In fact, if I know that old bird as much as I think I do, he should be thunderously announcing his presence right about...”

“ **ALL YE BE WARNED! THE GOD OF REVENGE IS NIGH!** ”

All the windows and furniture shook and clattered violently, the front door swinging open by itself as the room was bathed in an ominous scarlet glow. An invisible Latin choir reached an ominous crescendo as Khonshu strode forward, a ghostly white mist trailing behind him as the bones of the dead and buried rattled with his every footstep... and Clarence was playfully riding on his shoulders.

“Hey, ya’ll!” Clarence said, breaking the whole atmosphere. “Guess who’s arrived!”

"A very fashionable android riding atop the only living being that chews through more scenery than Tom Hardy and Helena Bonham-Carter combined... meant in the nicest possible way, of course." Dante gave a hearty laugh as Clarence jumped down from Khonshu's shoulders.

Regina went up to Clarence and offered a hand. "Well, whaddya know? Our very own knight in armor... complete with iron horse... Ahem, forgive me fo' bein' so forward n' all. I've just been lookin' forward t' meetin' the fine folks who helped my beloved Dante take care of his lil' Danos problem. The name's Regina Benoit, friend."

“Eh, I’ve heard worse before.” Clarence shrugged, shaking Regina’s hand. “I’m sure you’ve already been told who I am and what I do, so I’m-a just skip to the part where I say it’s an honor to meet you.”

Clarence paused, then said, “It’s an honor to meet you.”

"Like her already," Regina said with a grin.

Khonshu strode toward Dante. "As much fun as I had heralding my arrival like the good old days when people actually knew who I was, I must say your information over the phone was quite vague. Any chance you could tell us what the hell we're meant to be doing?"

"Now, I know you guys have a lot of questions," Dante said to his two new guests, "And I can assure you they'll be answered in due time. We just need Jessie and Sixer to arrive, and the proceedings can begin in full."

"I'm right here, man." Jessie suddenly appeared behind the couch, causing Vizzini to let out a scream and crash his head on the roof of the house from the sudden voice. He fell right back on the couch, dazed and covered in debris.

"So," Jessie began, asking as if nothing happened. "Who's the new blood? From the smell alone I can tell he ain't human. But I'm not sure if he's a demon. Also, did you say something about Sixer joining us?"

"As a matter of fact," Dante said, glad he wasn't the one being jump-scared this time, "I just got this text from Sixer saying she's on her way as we speak. Also, that fellow whose cranium you just helped get acquainted with my roof is my former classmate, a midnight demon named Brian Vizzini -- not to be confused with my older brother, also named Brian. Yeah, the parents in my town had a bit of a problem coming up with original baby names."

"Funny you should say that," Vizzini said as he shook away the stars and birdies circling his head. "I was actually on my way to city hall to change my name before it was made illegal the very instant I walked in."

"Dang dude," Jessie said, patting Brian's shoulder. "Sorry 'bout that. Also, for scaring you like that. It's something I picked up from the demon side I have." She brushed off some of the debris on his head.

Jessie then did a flip over the couch, landing right in front of Regina. "Heya, you must be the elusive Regina Dante's gushed over from time to time during our adventure." She stuck out her hand. "Jessie Bendrick. And, don't worry about me trying to break you guys up. Even without Angel Vision, I can tell that you two are a beautiful couple and will have a happy life together till the end of your days...oh, and uh," She craned her head towards Dante. "Don't worry Dante, I won't become Regina's mistress."

Clarence scoffed, lightly shoving her ex. "Oh, you and your lesbian jokes."

"Funny stuff," Dante said with a cheesy grin on his face. "I know a lot of bi jokes, but they could really go either way."

Regina rolled her eyes as she gave her lover a playful shove before turning back to Jessie. "So, I take it you'd be the same Jessie Bendrick who put her own life on the line to save Dendy in that lil' Hanahaki AU Sixer cooked up? Good on ya!"

"Yeah, that'd be me." Jessie held up her hands, smirking. "Guilty as charged, try me and convi-" She sniffed the air. "Do- Do you guys smell raccoon?"

Everyone looked confused, Clarence activating her heat vision. "Uh, it kinda looks like there's a raccoon in the fridge."

Jessie sniffed the air, wafting the scent near her. "On the...third shelf on the left next to the salad."

"That's preposterous," Dante said. "First of all, I don't even eat salad. Second-"

He didn't get a chance to finish before demonic-looking raccoon -- covered in spiked black-n-white fur and emanating a purple glow -- burst out of the fridge and started mauling the mustachioed man.

"Qu'est-ce que FUCK?" Regina sprinted forward and pulled the ornery critter off of her future husband, containing it safely in a bubble.

Dante stood up, dazed and scratched but mostly okay. "What in the name of Gryffindor just happened?"

"You just got attacked by a demon raccoon," Jessie stated flatly. She got near the bubble, not even flinching when the demonic critter thrashed in the bubble. "But even without B, I can tell that this guy's a Tanuki demon who's been Turbo-charged."

She turned to the couple. "Is there an empty room where I can help this girl?"

"Yeah, I just finished up furnishing the basement," Dante said. "Plenty of room for you to help her out." Dante reached into the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Merlot which, as he drank it, seemed to be activating some sort of healing powers.

"K, thanks." Jessie lifted the bubble up, heading towards the basement with the Tanuki demon. As soon as the door was shut, there was yelling.

" _ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE DEMON! I'M GONNA HELP YOU AND YOU ARE GONNA **LIKE IT**_!" Then there was a lot of crashing and sounds of breaking things. After a few minutes of this, there was a loud explosion, one that rocked the house for a moment. Then there was silence.

The door opened, a raccoon skittering out of the front door. Then Jessie walked upstairs, hair a bit of a mess and looking a little worse for wear. "Okay," She breathed, dabbing her head with a tissue. "Good news, I took care of the Tanuki demon and she's back to normal. Bad news..." She sucked in a breath, tensing up her shoulders. "I...think you're gonna have to redo the basement, guys."

"Shouldn't take too long," Dante said as he stuffed a candy bar into his mouth. He then rolled up his sleeves and descended to the basement where he began to work his literal magic.

"Y'know what I don't get?" Regina tapped her chin in thought. "What would a Tanuki demon be doin' in our fridge? None of m' recipes call fo' raccoon meat as far as I can recall..."

"Did you buy anything from Japan recently?" Jessie cracked open a drink of Pure Goat's Blood. "Like, say, fish or eggs maybe?"

"Oh yeah!" Regina snapped her fingers. "I bought some rice n' seaweed wrap to make some of dat Lion's snack sushi -- y'know, from that there YouTube video with that Steven kid? Figured Dante n' I would try if fo' ourselves. Cajun's m' specialty, but we like to diversify."

Jessie raised a brow. "How much exactly? One crate? Two crates?"

"A crate of each, if'n I recall," Regina answered. "Why? Y'think that little varmint mighta hitched a ride?"

"Here I was thinking the animal was deliberately sent here by one of Dante's enemies," Khonshu said without much emotion in his voice. "It'd hardly be the first time someone's tried that."

"Well, yeah." Jessie finished off the can, crushing it from top to bottom. "Apart from the raccoon scent, I did smell some traces of seaweed. My guess is that she was hungry and got locked up and shipped off to here as a result."

She threw the remained of the crushed can into her mouth, chewing it as she leaned back against the wall. She noticed the weird looks she was getting. "...what?"

Dante strolled back up the steps, looking rather frustrated. "Well, it wasn't easy, but it's back to normal. The hard part was putting the Three Stooges busts back together; it took just under a minute for our little animal friend to do what the actual Stooges did to each other for several decades. What'd I miss?"

"Well, for one, the tanuki that attacked you came in a crate of seaweed wrap you apparently picked out," Khonshu replied as Vizzini looked a bit uncomfortable. The deity continued: "Also, it'd appear that Jessie's consumed so much goat blood over the years that she's picked up their dietary habits as well."

"Khonshu, be nice," Dante reprimanded. "For God's sake, you once ate a cupcake out of the trash!"

"Only because Steven Grant tricked me!" Khonshu huffed and folded his arms before turning to Clarence. "Seriously, I didn't know. He just walked up one day and offered me a cupcake without telling me where he got it. I can't be blamed that I was too hungry to ask questions!"

"Hey..." Clarence patted Khonshu's shoulder, guiding him to lean down against her own. "Just breath in the mint smell from my shirt and we can get to planning on covering all his food in garbage, alright?"

Jessie swallowed. "To be clear, I didn't pick up on any of a goat's diet. I'm a human-angel-demon, remember? Consuming various metals is just a part of my diet. Also, 'pure goat blood' is just what untainted goats are called. Not 'pure goat blood' as in 'all goat and nothing else'."

"It is strange, though," Dante said. "A demonic-powered animal just happened to attack me while we were plotting an assault against a powerful enemy from my past... makes one wonder..."

"Hey," Vizzini shouted. "Look out there! You suppose that limo has something to do with anything?"

They all looked out the window and, sure enough, a limo pulled up behind Vizzini's station wagon that happened to have a Dante-shaped dent in the chassis.

Dante and Jessie grinned. The cavalry had just arrived.

There was a rhythmic knock upon the door, and when opened, there was James Hare, trying to put on a sort of secret agent MIB vibe as he was suited up, but looked too adorable to pull off. "Please come into the limo, she's waiting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special Thanks to Grande Fan and SneaselXRiolu for their contributions to the story!


	5. Welcoming Cherrelsel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group welcomes a new member to their party before embarking on their quest

Sixer waited patiently between Cherrelsel and Watership as her legs were slightly apart as she pulled on wet woolen leggings as the quadruo piled in on the other side. "So, I have become aware that you did not plan on inviting me to this, and not only did I offer my bat a couple of times, but I am also wet from a jerk stomping on a puddle in front of me." She sighed from her exposition dump that had no meaning. "But. I want to aid you, so I offer services of either myself, Watership, or Cherrelsel to join."

“Sixer,” Dante said slightly uneasily. “I feel I owe you an explanation: I didn’t think you’d be able to lend your assistance considering how packed your schedule is — between managing the Hanahaki AU and the ask blog for your OCs and friends. Still, I greatly appreciate your dedication to assisting me in this; as I don’t want to take up so much of your time, I would gladly accept Cherrelsel’s help; we’ll be sure to check in on you so you can run your blogs without worry. We still friends?”

Sixer smiled. "Always were my good sir... and one thing about Cherrelsel... she eats cats, donuts, hotdogs, and jewelry. Be wary of that."

"That could probably come in handy..." Dante cleared his throat. "Come along, Cherrelsel! We've a job to do!"  
As Cherrelsel got out of the limo, Regina gave Sixer a friendly wave. "Nice ta meetcha in person, Mademoiselle. Tell y' friend MomFriendWarlock I'll be sendin' a clone of m'self to help out with that lil' ol' magic school we talked about. 'Kay?"

Sixer nodded with a warm smile. Cherrelsel lumbered out of the limo, her body making a purring noise as she slid across the ground. She towered over most at a size of seven foot six, but slouched to look closer to a long five foot six creature.

"Thanks, Dante said to SIxer. "We'll take good care of her for ya!" he waved as the door closed and the limo drove off.

"Well," Regina said as she used her magic to repair the damage to Vizzini's station wagon. "I'd say we got ourselves a sufficient team. What do y'all say we get ourselves up to Gooserock n' see what the hell it is we're dealin' with?"

“I’d say we get going before we run into traffic.” Clarence said, pulling up a holographic map on her left forearm. “I just checked the traffic patterns, and it said there’s gonna be at least a five hour delay at six today.”

Meanwhile, Jessie was trying to make conversation with Brian. “So, you’re a midnight demon, huh? Back in my dimension they all died out after the Great Shatthered Harmony.”

"Jeez, that's unfortunate," Vizzini replied. "There aren't too many nightmare demons over in Gooserock -- in fact, there wasn't much of anyone up there until a few months ago -- but I never really noticed it. I mean, aside from some of the bullying I got now and then. I remember back in high school, this was -- I think it was sophomore year? Anyway, Devon Graham snuck into the bathroom and set off a bunch of firecrackers, a-and everyone started panicking because, y'know it sounded like, like someone was firing a gun. And everyone was running and hiding everywhere, and I actually didn't hear any of it -- I think I had my headphones on, but I can't remember. Anyway, I notice afterward that the halls were empty and all the doors were locked -- the school was on lockdown, and Devon snuck up behind me and shoved a fake gun in my backpack. So, of course, like I got in trouble, everyone thought I was the one doing it, y'know? And like, I tried to explain the situation to them, but they didn't really believe me and I got suspended for a month before they found out I didn't really do anything."

"Yeah," Dante said. "That's the kind of asshole we're dealing with here. Worst thing I ever did in high school was write Tyler the Creator lyrics on a bathroom stall."

They all poured into Vizzini's station wagon before he started driving off to their destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Grande Fan and SneaselXRiolu for your contributions


	6. Getting to Gooserock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes make the trek to Dante's old hometown as Brian Vizzini gives everyone the 411.

“So,” Jessie watched the scenery blur by. “What’s your hometown like? I wanna prepare for the worst.”

"Any info I give you would be outdated," Dante confessed. "When I was growing up, it was just a quiet little town, albeit populated with no small amount of rich fucks like Mr. Graham. Perhaps Vizzini can fill you in on a few of the details on which Regina and I missed out?"

"It's absolutely terrible," the midnight demon admitted. "Before Devon took over, the town had a sort of serene, natural beauty to it, and most of us got along with each other aside from the occasional villain attack. Graham changed all of that. There's so much pollution, you can barely see five inches in front of your face on the worst of days. He controls the town's economy so that he and his inner circle are the only ones with any money and luxuries. Most of the populace work like slaves at his businesses -- and every business in town is either owned by or affiliated with him -- and that's not the worst of it. He also controls the police and courts -- meaning he has the say to arrest or execute anyone he sees as a threat -- as well as all churches and media outlets, basically forcing us into accepting this sort of cult of personality he's created around himself. You can't even turn on a TV without looking at his ugly, smirking face. Worst of all, he's projecting a force field around the entire city, meaning nobody can go in or out without his permission."

"Wait," Regina said, "If that's true, how did _you_ escape?"

"It, uh, took a lot of effort," Vizzini said as he oddly tried to avoid making eye contact. "Anyway, the city is divided into five sections, each one ruled by one of Devon Graham's personal toadies who control a different faction of his government. If we want to stand a chance against him, we'll need to take control of those five sections of the city."

Jessie looked at Brian suspiciously, but continued the conversation. “Well, it’s a good thing B gave us these talismans.” She pulled out a box of beautifully-carved enchanted charms. “We’re gonna need all the help we can get.”

“Wait,” Clarence looked at Jessie from her spot on Khonshu’s lap. “I didn’t see her come in.”

“We ran into each other before I went in their house.” She turned to Dante. “Also, she’s worried about you possibly being mad at her for not being here.”

“Oh, I ain’t mad,” Dante replied truthfully. “Far from it. Just... I guess I’m disappointed she won’t join us on this next epic quest. Still, between Spinny and the Music Meister, she’s got enough on her plate as-is, so que sera sera.”

“I must concur,” Khonshu added. “We may’ve has our disagreements, but she is a valuable asset... plus, if it weren’t for her insistence on my part in our last adventure, I might not have met you, Clarence.”

The Android smiled as she and Khonshu shared a quick kiss.

“Aww,” Regina said. “Dante, mi amour, don’t they remind ja of us when we first started goin’ steady?”

Dante blushed and chuckled. “I wasn’t gonna say anything, but...”

“Save it for the bedroom, lovebirds.” Jessie smirked, reveling in the embarrassment she caused.

Cherrelsel stayed awfully quiet, then looked to stare at Vizzini with jewel-like eyes resembling a Sableye's, with her mouth full of sharp gem shards in a growl. A warning with no hackles raised... yet.

Vizzini exchanged a nervous glance in Cherrelsel's direction, but any question he'd have about her presence died on his lips as he drove up to an opaque blue wall of energy. "Here we are," he said. "The border to Gooserock. Now, this is gonna sound weird, but the spell I used when I got through the force field the first time... won't work again."

Dante groaned. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Hey, I don't make the rules," Vizzini said defensively. "I thought, maybe you and Regina could, y'know, magic up a way for us inside?"

"Not like we have much of a choice," Dante replied. "You thinking what I'm thinking, Reg?"

"Y'know I am, sugar," Regina replied. The couples eyes glowed as they uttered an incantation nobody could hear, a portal to the other side opening directly in front of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Grande Fan and SneaselXRiolu for the help!


	7. The Whole Crew is Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes enter Gooserock and meet fellow resistance members, but run into an unexpected complication.

Cherrelsel sniffed the ground then shook her head, moving closer to behind Regina and Dante, making strange gurgling noises that sounded sad.

“Aw,” Jessie crouched down to Cherrelsel’s level. “It’s okay, don’t cry Cherry Pie. I’m here.” She cradled her close to her chest, cooing to her and rocking her back and forth like a baby.

"Right, we got in," Dante said. "Now what the hell do we do now?"

He looked around at the scene of entropy and decay that had once been the quiet and idyllic small town he called home. The buildings -- of which there were far more in number than Dante remembered -- were run-down with boarded windows and cracked facades. Rusted cars sat abandoned in the pothole-riddled streets that seemed to be covered in more dark red stains than road paint. Moreover, the air around them was polluted with smog so thick that one got the impression that inhaling too deeply would be immediately lethal.

"Now, you follow me," Vizzini answered. "There are security cameras all over the city, and I know all the blind spots." He gestured at the tops of buildings above him and, sure enough, there were perhaps dozens of security cameras shining their lights in patterns just waiting to spot someone doing something they ought not to be doing.

The group ducked out of view just as a camera moved in their direction. On Vizzini's silent nod, they followed his lead down obscure backroads and behind abandoned buildings before they reached a quaint, unassuming building that Dante remembered as having once been a restaurant of some kind.

"Thank you guys very much for being so cooperative," the midnight demon said. "I just can't wait to introduce you to the others!"

"Others?" Regina tilted her head to the side.

"Welcome..." Vizzini said as he opened the doors for his compatriots. "To the resistance!"

Once inside, our group saw another small group of people -- five in total -- who looked up at them in mild surprise. Dante and Regina recognized them as former classmates.

"See guys," Vizzini said to the other group. "These are the people I told you about. Of course, Dante and Regina need no introduction. Why don't you all introduce yourselves while I get us some refreshments?"

“Hey,” Jessie said cooly, still bouncing Cherrelsel in her arms. “Name’s Jessie Bendrick. The creature I’m holding here is Cherrelsel.”

“Heya,” Clarence waved. “You may or may not recognize me, but I’m Clarencia de Fernandez. Owner and CEO of Classic Gadgets Fashion, creator of scented clothing, and the official girlfriend of this guy.” She wrapped an arm around Khonshu, pecking his cheek.

" **ALL YE BE WARNED! THE GOD OF** \- aw, crap. I missed my chance." Khonshu gestured toward the door they just went through. "D'you guys think I could-?"

"No time," Dante said. "That's Khonshu, Egyptian god, yadda-yadda-yadda. Now, I've been away for quite a while, so forgive me if I've forgotten your names. Would you Kindly do us the honors of an introduction?"

"With pleasure," one of the three women there said calmly. She was rather petite and pale with yellow eyes, long, dark blue hair, and black eyeliner and lipstick. She was wearing a sleeveless black top with dark purple pants and black boots with red laces. "The name's Carmenita Scarfone, and I'm the last of the vampires who once lived in this once happy little community." She flashed Jessie a fanged smile. "I'm sure we'll get along very well."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," a somewhat taller and more muscular woman said. She had light purple skin, shoulder-length green hair, and glowing green eyes and wore a simple grey top with black jeans and white boots. "My name's unpronounceable to humans, so you can call me Mari Spicoli. My family brought me to this planet seeking a better life, but they never could've imagined this."

"And I'm Toni Carbone," a rather androgynous-looking lady said to the protagonists. She had a light complexion with a slender, toned physique, brown hair in a ponytail with platinum blonde bangs, and wore a green-and-yellow hoodie with light brown pants and green sneakers. "I'll be the one satisfying all your computer needs. I, uh, don't really have much use outside anyway."

"All are welcome in our group," said a young man with a strong Russian accent. He had a lean build, black hair with spiked bangs over the right half of his smooth face, and he wore an elegant brown suit. "Petyr Dmitrivich is my name, and my skills lie in combat of all types." To demonstrate, he picked up a toothpick and threw it at a fly, pinning it to the wall. "None can match my brilliance in field."

They all then looked at the last group member, whose wore a simple gray suit and had stark white skin with no hair. He said nothing before transforming into an exact likeness of Dante. "You can call me Mikey McGuinness," he said in a pitch-perfect impersonation of Dante's voice. He then transformed into Khonshu and said "I'm the group's shapeshifter." He then demonstrated by cycling through the forms of everyone else there in rapid succession before turning back to normal.

"You guys are gonna get along great, I just know it," Vizzini said enthusiastically.

“Well, I’ll admit that this isn’t the first time I’ve been in a group of hot people with something different about them.” Jessie said, shrugging.

Cherrelsel perked up at the sign of others. She sniffed around, then got off of Jessie to sneak closer to Clarence and Khonshu.

Dante grinned. "Well, now that we've got introductions out of the way, I say we focus on a plan to take back control of this town. Anyone got any ideas?"

"Glad you asked," Toni said. "Before Vizzini recruited you, we've been formulating plans to take on the Five Archdukes -- they're basically Devon Graham's lackeys, each one in charge of a different section of the city and, with it, a way for him to consolidate power." She then brought up a holographic projection from her wrist computer, and our protagonists beheld complicated CGI holograms of the Five Archdukes as a recorded voice spoke of them.

* "Archduke 1: Edgar Phillips." The projection was of a tall, gangling, human-shaped creature clad mostly in black armor with a dark green visor over the eyes; only its hands, upper arms, and lower face were exposed, revealing scaly blue skin throughout the body and a mass of tentacles where the mouth should be. "Based along the coastline of an annexed neighboring town, Edgar Phillips is charged with Foreign Relations, acting as a liaison for overseas countries supporting Devon Graham's rise to power."

* "Archduke 2: Charles David Carnegie." The hologram then displayed a fat minotaur in a white pinstripe suit and black top-hat. "Lording over the city's economic and administrative center, Carnegie keeps Graham in economic power by forcing workers throughout the city into unsafe working conditions for minimal wages. Since he is the one controlling all the city's businesses, he has also driven up the costs of living so as to be unaffordable to all but the richest of Gooserock's citizens."

* "Archduke 3: Alan Joseph." The hologram switched to a pasty, haggard, unhealthy-looking blonde man in an American army general's uniform and cap. "Based in a Naval Reserve base once belonging to a neighboring city, Joseph holds near-total control over military and law enforcement in Gooserock, planning the annexation of other towns while allowing and equipping the officers in his control to brutally enforce Graham's increasingly totalitarian laws."

* "Archduke 4: Dr. Seymour Stromwell." The hologram displayed a towering basalt-grey robot, the eyes of its skull-like face glowing red as massive horns protruded from its forehead. "Based in what was once a research testing facility, Stromwell is in charge of all scientific study in Gooserock, a position he uses to create the regime's weapons and other devices -- such as the surveillance systems and force field around the city -- as well as conducting unethical experiments on unwilling living test subjects."

* "Archduke 5: Reverend Jim Buxton." The hologram displayed a weasel with oily black fur and wearing dark purple ceremonial robes. "Based in what was once a parochial gated community, Buxton is in charge of all media and religious services in Gooserock, a position he uses to spread propaganda devoted to Devon Graham, whom he depicts as an all-knowing prophet."

The hologram shut off.

"So," Toni said. "Any questions?"

Clarence raised her hand. “Uh, yeah, question over here.” She cleared her throat. “If Devon’s as cruel and uncaring as I’ve been hearing, how’d he manage to get these guys to be under his control?”

Jessie was the next to speak. “Is now a good time to break out the talismans B made?” She held out the box, trying her best to not focus on her future punching bags. “Side note, she said that there’s a _slight_ chance of us breaking out in song during this whole mission, so yeah.”

"As hate-filled and sadistic as Devon is," Mikey said after shapeshifting into Clarence's form, "He knows how to get people on his side. In the case of the Five Archdukes, he saw that they all shared something in common: an unquenchable thirst for power. Now, they all have different means of obtaining power..."

He then transformed into Carnegie. "Money..."

He turned into Joseph. "Violence..."

He turned into Reverend Buxton. "Mind games and manipulation..."

He then turned into Dante. "They may have different reasons for wanting power -- whether to feed their egos or just allow them to take their hatred out on others -- but that's all they care about. As George Orwell said, the object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power."

"Wait," Regina said. "Y'said somethin' 'bout talismans? Aside from havin' us break int' song an' dance numbers, what exactly do they do?"

“H-Hang on, there’s a note here B wrote before handing them off to me.” Jessie rumaged around a bit before she pulled out a piece of paper. Jessie cleared her throat.

“Hey everyone,” Jessie started, her tone sounding more like Brittney’s. “So, I wasn’t sure which talismans to get (mostly because of all the possible futures that I saw) so I got one of each. I did see about eleven people in the future, so I got eleven talismans.

“Red is made of agate and gives strength, orange is made of sunstone and gives determination, yellow is made of citrine and hope. Green (jade, energy), Blue (sapphire, truth), Indigo (tanzanite, integrity), Violet (sugilite, wisdom), black (obsidian, rebellion), white (pearl, light), pink (harmony, rose quartz), and gray (moonstone, balance).

“I hope these help out. Sorry I couldn’t be there in person. I hope Dante’s not mad at me. Good luck to you all.

“P.S. Can someone help Brian get out of that giant ship in a bottle he got himself stuck in?”

Carmenita quirked an eyebrow. "Ship in a bottle? The fuck?" She then turned around at the sound of muffled banging against a glass.

"I'm not even gonna ask how that happened," Mari said as she uncorked the bottle and helped Vizzini out.

"This is all very amusing," Regina said, " but do those instructions say who'll get which stone?"

Jessie screened over the note again. “Eh, doesn’t look like it.” She places the note back in the box, taking out the tanzanite and citrine talisman necklaces.

“I’m guessing it’s more of a ‘pick it out ourselves’ kinda thing. So, I’ give myself the tanzanite necklace and give Clarence the citrine one. Considering our pasts, I think they’ll match us perfectly.”

She tossed Clarence the citrine necklace, putting on her tanzanite one. An indigo streak appearing in her hair as soon as she put it on. Clarence’s hair gained a brighter yellow streak to it, though it was barely noticeable.

“Huh,” Clarence held the streaked hair between her fingers. “Is it weird that I kinda like this streak?”

“Don’t get too cozy with it.” Jessie handed the box to Dante and Regina. “B told me that the streaks are just a temporary thing. As long as we keep these talismans on, we’ll gain their power.”

Cherrelsel spoke for the first time. "Green. I'll need the energy if I want to do as I wish. Haven't had sufficient energy to unlock some of my other powers."

"S'pose I'll be takin' the red," Regina said as she was handed the talisman. A red streak appeared in her pink hair as she felt the power flow throughout her body. "Hot damn! I feel like I could lift every building on Tchoupitoulas Street with one finger!"

"Everything could use a balance, myself included," Dante said. "Hit me with the moonstone!" Clarence tossed him the appropriate talisman, and his facial hair turned grey as he felt the discordance within himself fade. "Oh, this is what I'm talking about!"

Khonshu scratched the underside of his beak in thought. "Hmm... some of those are a bit obvious for a deity like myself... let's see, which one would be the newest of an experience for me?" He thought for a moment before deciding. "I'm no Greg Universe, but gimme that Rose Quartz!" He was given the talisman, and his beak turned a bright pink as he felt his more negative thoughts and attitudes fade from his mind. "Huh. So this is what it's like not to be consumed by vengeance. I kinda like it."

Soon enough, every other talisman was assigned to someone: Petyr took Sugilite, Carmenita got Obsidian, Toni got Sunstone, Mari got Pearl, and Mikey was given Sapphire.

"Okay, now we all got our powers, so... wait a tick!" Dante did some counting on his fingers. "That still leaves out Vizzini!"

"Oh, that's quite alright," the midnight demon said in an eerily calm voice. "I won't need magic enhancements to deal with my enemies. I've already got 'em right where I need 'em!" He then pulled a communicator out of his pocket and shouted " _NOW!_ "

On that, dozens of SWAT officers decked out head-to-toe in dark armor burst through the front door and surrounded the heroes. Khonshu tried to summon the power to fight them off, but one of the officers blasted him with a dark red energy beam that drained him of his magic and left him out cold on the floor.

"You stupid little man," Vizzini said to Dante as he was tackled to the ground and handcuffed. "Didn't your parents ever tell ya not to put your trust in strange men?"

He then left as the room was flooded with a dark orange mist that overwhelmed our heroes' senses and knocked them out cold.

"Target secure," Brian Vizzini said into his communicator. "They never suspected a thing. Moving them to your location."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Grande Fan and SXR for your contributions!


	8. Escape and Ambush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes fight back against their attackers, but another unexpected snag causes them to formulate a battle plan quicker than they thought they'd have to.

Dante couldn't tell how long he was out before he woke up in the back of a prisoner transport vehicle alongside the other heroes. They were all encased in anti-magic handcuffs and held at gunpoint by guards. "What the fuck happened?"

"I happened," Mikey said as he shapeshifted into Vizzini. "Turns out, I'm a lousy lying prick who's been working for Devon Graham this whole time!"

Something clicked in Toni's mind. "So that's why none of our plans to bring him down have worked so far! What I didn't mention earlier is that we had attempted many times to rebel against Graham's rule before, but for some reason, his private police force always found out and shut us down before we could even get through Step 1. I've always wondered how they knew about our plans... but it turns out Vizzini's been ratting us out this whole time!"

They heard Vizzini's voice from the front of the truck. "No, that was another guy," he said sarcastically. "His name was Shit Sherlock, first name No. Seriously, you guys actually thought Graham's guards knowing about your plans was a coincidence? How stupid can ya get?"

Dante growled. "What's your stake in this, you backstabbing fuck?"

"I, like most people, was never a friend of Devon Graham," Vizzini explained, "but it didn't take me long to realize it wasn't he I had a problem with. It was the corrupt, hateful society we live in, where people who claim to be good and nice couldn't give a shit less about how horribly I was treated by the system. So, shortly after he took over, Devon offered me a deal: I help him take down the resistance, and he'd give me a top spot in his operation. I even sweetened the deal by offering to bring in the one enemy he's hated more than anyone else: you! After that, it was easy to convince him to let me leave the city to find you, begging you for help I never needed... and YOU FUCKING FELL FOR IT! Seriously, was the vehicular hit-and-run and the Turbo-tanuki I hid in your fridge not obvious enough?"

Cherrelsel's breath was ragged. The handcuffs didn't stop her power, no, but she waited as she could smell the sweat of power lust from the guards and Vizzini.

Jessie growled in her throat, baring her teeth in a direction of where Brian would’ve been. “I knew I smelled something off about you.” She growled, low and intimidating. “You had a strong drink about you that said that you weren’t trustworthy. That along with the way you spoke about how you got out set off alarm bells.” She growled again, her eyes glowing red-orange. “I just feel stupid for not doing anything sooner.”

Clarence noticed her ex’s ragged breathing and boiling anger. “Jessie.” She whisper. “Jessie now is _not_ the time.”

“No.” Jessie shut her eyes tightly, her teeth sharpening to a point. “I already failed to protect the ones I loved once...” She looked up, eyes cat-like and that demonic red-orange. In her demonic voice, she said, “ ** _I’m not making that mistake again._** ”

Suddenly, there was a burst of flames, exploding the vehicle and spending her enemies in varying directions and with multiple injuries; her friends and allies had none of them and were (literally) under her protection.

Clarence cracked open an eye, sighing to herself. “Oh boy.” She sat up, everyone’s anti-magic handcuffs disintegrated. “Demon Jessie’s here guys. Welcome to Hell.”

Everyone looked at where Demon Jessie was, their jaws dropping at the sight of her. Unlike regular Jessie, Demon Jessie was tall (10’ 7” at most), with black skin, four arms, red-orange eyes with spiky eyelashes, and giant black, spiky wings on her back. Her once bright and radiant clothing was now a plain dark gray top with the sleeves ripped off, the ripped shreds of what was once a black skirt, glittery black, knee-high combat boots, and her silver eyebrow piercing. Her red and cream colored hair was now black, the ponytail acting like flames.

Some SWAT men came towards them, ready to fight. “ ** _Oh, you tiny mortals wanna rumble_**?” Demon Jessie laughed mockingly, her lower arms producing fireballs while her upper arms summoned the red, rusted chains she used on Juggernaut - the Chains of Sin, guaranteed to let the pain of your past deeds burn you and relive them until you die.

“ ** _Well then_** ,” She smiled a mouthful of knife-sharp teeth, launching her chains around the first two rows of agents, their past sins coming back to their minds as fresh as they happened. “ ** _Let’s do this, BITCHES_**!!!”

And just like that, Demon Jessie flew towards the SWAT men, taking them out and traumatizing them with ease.

“So,” Clarence began, facing her shocked companions and boyfriend. “Are you guys okay?”

Cherrelsel nodded with a corpse like, thick tongue coming out, then jumped into the fray with a howl of giggles and tackled a guard. She was soon biting at his pelvis, and he seemed to suddenly go limp as she did so.

“K,” Clarence noted. “Cherrelsel’s doing okay. How about everyone else? And don’t worry. It may not look like it, but Demon Jessie has torn tights on. So if you were in an unfortunate position, don’t worry about Jessie sucking your soul out.”

Clarence chuckled, grinning a bit. “Good thing Jess is in control of who she attacks, right Khonny?” No response came from her boyfriend. “Uh, Khonshu? You okay?”

"Oh, perfectly fine, my love," the deity said. "It's just... the way she's going after them reminds me of when you went all out against those villains that attacked us. Don't misunderstand that -- you're still the only one for me."

Before he could move closer to his lady love, Khonshu was blasted with another dark red beam -- this one fired by Brian Vizzini.

"Aw, that's sweet," the midnight demon said sardonically as Khonshu collapsed in agony. "The God thinks he's one of us now. Unfortunately, the boss has other plans for you, 'Khonny'." With a malicious cackle in his voice, he grabbed the dazed Khonshu and teleported away with him in a blinding flash of light.

"Bastardo," Dante cursed as he brought his fist down in his palm. "Only one way to resolve this..." He then grabbed one of the SWAT officers and slammed him against the wall of a nearby building. "Where is Devon Graham? ANSWER ME!"

"I ain't telling you shit, scumbag!" The officer drew a large knife out of its sheath and tried to stab Dante in the back; Dante swatted the knife out of the officer's hand before throwing him to the ground and stomping on his face.

"You want teeth? I want answers!" Dante pressed down harder. "TALK!"

"Okay, okay," the officer pleaded. He's in the corner office in the top floor of the Graham Enterprise Building!"

Dante snarled. "And where would that be?"

"It's where Finnegan Park used to be," the officer said. "I swear this is true!"

A blank look crossed Dante's face as he turned away from the officer and processed the information. Out the corner of his eye, he noticed the officer trying to crawl away; without saying a word, Dante took out the SWAT officer by hurling a bolt of lightning directly at his ass.

"EVERYONE!" Dante got everyone else's attention as they were fighting the guards; Mari was engaged in a shootout with a laser pistol; Toni was surrounded by protective force fields, Petyr was using a hockey stick to bash the hell out of one unfortunate officer, and Carmenita was just finished drinking the blood of her opponents.

"Khonshu's been taken to Devon Graham's base of operations," Dante explained. "We have to get him back -- and maybe then we can take Devon down too!"

“Well we better!” Clarence stated, throwing an officer like a bowling ball directly towards a large group of them. “Nobody messes with MY Khonshu without getting their asses handed back to them!”

Jessie changed back into her regular form, walking over to everyone as the last of the SWAT officers retreated.

“Clarence is right. Anyone who messes with one of our own, messes with all of us. Though,” Jessie stretched her back, her spine popping in retaliation. “I’m feeling kinda drained from that beat down of jerks. Is there a place where we could crash for a time? I need to refuel and rest if we’re gonna take back the town from Devon and his lackeys.”

"Say no more," Toni said as she typed something on a holographic screen projected by her computer gauntlets. After a few seconds, a door opened out of thin air and Toni invited the others inside.

They stepped in and looked around at what appeared to be an elegant hotel. They were the only ones there, of course, but they were in a pristine and comfortable lounge with a hallway full of doors to their rooms by their right.

"You like it?" Toni gave a smile. "It's my own personal pocket dimension -- everything you see is a holographic image brought to life. The Infinity Train runs on the same tech."

"You keep this secret from us this whole time?" Petyr gave an annoyed huff. "This would be prime spot to plan revolution uninterrupted."

"I haven't actually completed it until today," Toni admitted. "Besides, I didn't want to risk anybody finding it."

“Thanks Toni.” Jessie managed a weak smile, looking closer and closer to exhaustion with every passing second. “I’ll just...” Jessie yawned, loud and long. “Make my way towards one...of the...empty...” Jessie didn’t finish her sentence, collapsing on the floor as she fell asleep snoring.

Clarence sighed. “This is why I don’t like it whenever Demon Jessie comes out.” She rubbed her temples. “Every time she does, Jessie gets too exhausted to do anything for sixteen hours.”

Sighing, Clarence grabbed her legs, dragging her across the floor. “I’ll put her to bed. I just hope Khonny doesn’t think I’m doing things with her while he’s away...” Jessie’s head hit against the bumps on the floor, not even disturbing the sleeping Angellic-Adjacent. As soon as she was in bed, Clarence, Dante, Regina, and the Resistance All gathered up in the lobby.

“Okay, just to start off,” Clarence began, holding up her citrine talisman. “Does everyone still have their talismans on?”

"Yeah, we got 'em," Regina said. "After we put 'em on, I cast a special magic seal so's our enemies couldn't steal 'em and use 'em against us."

"Amazing thinking, my love!" Dante shared a quick kiss with his lover before continuing. "Anyway, so we officially know where Devon Graham is stationed, if anyone would care to remember."

Mikey then took the form of the officer Dante interrogated earlier. "He's in the corner office in the top floor of the Graham Enterprise Building! It's where Finnegan Park used to be, I swear this is true!"

Regina perked up. "Finnegan Park? That's where Dante n' I went on our first official date! D'ya remember that, mon amour?"

Dante was having a flashback to better days. He remembered his siblings crowding around him, fixing his suit properly, giving him flowers and chocolates to bring to Regina, coaching him on exactly what to say and how to say it. He remembers his sister Susan telling him that women like sensitivity in their boyfriends. He remembers Brian -- his older brother -- telling him that all his girlfriends liked his tough, masculine side. He remembered Robert handing him a square-shaped foil packet; "you never know." He remembered Michael and Christopher fighting over who'd be the one to get him there the fastest.

"Could it be that things were all so simple?" Dante gave a wistful sigh.

"There's one problem," Mari said. "We already knew where Devon was; it wasn't hard to puzzle out, especially since we were living here while he was taking over. The problem is that his base is completely impregnable! People far more powerful than we are have tried everything to get past his defenses, but they all got annihilated. He's got better weapons and defenses than almost anyone on the planet. And we can't bring him out to confront us, because as stupid as he is, he's not dumb enough to leave the safety of his office."

"Diviser et conquérir," Regina said. "We just have to split up into groups an' go after his Five Archdukes. We've now got bettah numbers and more magic on our side, so it should be très facile to take 'em down! Once we do, he's gonna have to come after us, and that's when we'll get 'im!"

Cherrelsel drooled out the energy talisman over Jessie. "Thought it would help." She grumbles. "We need to reunite you and Khonshu. Until then, I either need to do spy work via looking like a prostitute, or gain energy from Dante and Regina."

"Either way," Dante said as he tried to get the mental image out of his mind, "We should rest well tonight and come up with our plans of attack in the morning." Everyone agreed and went off to get some rest.

\---

Khonshu woke some time later. "Where the fuck am I?" He looked down to see that he'd been shackled to a metal table. He struggled with all his godly might, but he couldn't break free.

"If you're trying to bust outta those restraints, you're wasting your energy," a smug, rasping voice said over the intercom. "They're made of an enchanted vibranium/Nth metal alloy, completely impenetrable to all but the strongest of beings... and a tired old hack like you ain't exactly among those ranks."

Khonshu stopped struggling. "Devon Graham, I presume? What do you want with me, you demented little freak?"

"Such harsh words," Devon said. "Is that any way for a welcome guest to treat his host? I think I should show you the penalty for disrespect around here."

Another powerful blast of dark red -- this one stronger than any others before. Khonshu screamed as every last molecule of his body burst at the seams with excruciating pain. The torture ended a second later, but for the deity, it felt like an eternity had gone by.

"You like that little toy I got for ya?" Devon Graham laughed. "Special ion lasers powered up with the very kind of magic that would leave even a god like you staggering."

"How are you doing this?" Khonshu panted heavily as if he just ran a power marathon. "Where are you getting this tech?"

"You're the first person to ever ask how I do what I do," Devon admitted. "Most people just ask 'why.' To answer your question, I made some wise business investments and partnered with someone who loves power even more than I do. He's someone I think you might recognize; an old coworker welcoming you back to the office, if you will."

"I don't follow," Khonshu said flatly.

"That's okay, Devon," a much deeper, booming voice said from the shadows of the open door at the front of the room. "I can take things from here."

"That voice..." Khonshu said, his own voice tinged with horror. "It can't be possible."

"It can and it is." The mysterious figure stepped into the light; he was a large, imposing man, a living tower of muscle clad in an all-black suit with a purple tie and heavy black boots. His most striking feature however, was his head. Much like how Khonshu's head was a GIANT FUCKING BIRD SKULL, this figure's head was that of a large falcon with gold feathers. Its eyes gave off a steely gaze that would have even the bravest soldier trembling in terror; its short, pitch-black beak curved downward into a fine point like the scythe of the Grim Reaper.

As soon as he was within reaching distance, this figure grabbed Khonshu by the necktie and punched him in the face hard enough to have his skull spinning like a top. The figure then lifted Khonshu over his head, metal table and all, before slamming it back down into the ground. Khonshu looked up just in time for the figure to punt him right between the eye sockets.

The figure gave off a barking, mirthless laugh. "Oh, what fun we'll have now that we've been reunited... _son_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Grande Fan and SXR for your help!


	9. Sweet Dreams and Beautiful Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes settle down for the night; Dante and Regina reminisce, Clarence has undressed concerns, and the villains have some fun with their captured victim.

Clarence sat down on the bed, wearing a silky-soft, blue nightgown and soft, pink, fuzzy slippers, taking some deep breaths as she tried to work herself down to sleep.

“It’ll be alright.” She said to herself, lying down on the sheets. “Khonshu’s a god, he can handle whatever Devon “Sick Chicken Poop” Graham throws at him. He’ll live long enough for us to save him. He has to. I need him to...”

Eventually, she managed to shut down, sprawled on the bed. Her dream, however, wasn’t gonna be pleasant.

Meanwhile, Dante and Regina were getting ready for bed. They were discussing the day’s events.

"Isn't this kinda weird?" Dante sat on the bed, dark gray flannel pajamas clinging loosely to his body as he puffed on a long, slender blunt to help him calm down after that hectic day. He took a long, satisfying drag as the THC entered his system and worked its magic.

"How so d'ya mean?" Regina, who was wearing a red nightgown with black lace and socks, had just lit some incense as her own way of de-stressing. "It ain't like pocket dimensions n' holographic projections are particularly new to us, hon."

Dante exhaled, making sure the smoke wouldn't blow in his lover's face. "No, I mean, in the span of... what, 24 hours? An old classmate runs me the fuck over and tells me my worst bully has become Kim Jong-Un; we bring along with us an angel-demon, an android from an animated movie I've never seen, a guy with a GIANT FUCKING BIRD SKULL for a head, and one of SXR's closest confidantes as backup; we meet up with some old classmates -- three of whom I think were on your lacrosse team -- and then we get betrayed and sold out by the guy we thought we could trust. So now my best friend has been kidnapped while my nemesis does God-knows-what to him; meanwhile you've got a clone helping MomFriendWarlock teach magic to kids."

" _And it'll still be two days 'til I say I'm sorry_ ," Regina sang.

Dante laughed. "As much as I swore I'd never come back to this place... it has a lot of nostalgia, y'know? I think my happiest memory of Gooserock was my senior prom. Remember that? How nervous I was asking if you'd go with me? How elated I was when you said yes? I mean, you had already graduated by that point, and I figured you'd have better things to do than go to some party with a low-class scrub like me. I remember the day itself; seeing you in that gorgeous teal dress, with that fancy braided hair... I always had a thing for you, but I don't think I noticed how beautiful you were until that moment."

"And you looked positively dashing y'self," Regina responded. "That black pinstripe tux, those gloves, the fedora, the pocket chain... y'looked like ya stepped right off the set of _Mad Men_. And the way you danced with me... mon dieu! S' no wonder we were in the runnin' for Prom King & Queen."

"For the first time in my life, I knew what it was like to be as popular as my siblings," Dante said. "Of course, that was mostly because of you. Pretty much everyone loved you -- and for damn good reasons -- so they must've figured that, if you went out with me, I must've been doing something right."

"Of course you were," Regina said. "You were probably the closest friend Ah had since my loving Mom n Dad saw fit to send me to Gooserock to finish my schooling. I never would've imagined our relationship would'a gone further than that, but the bond we shared was just that strong. Betcha pretty glad I'm demi, eh?"

"I'd love you no matter what you identify as," Dante said.

"I don't know if it's the conversation or the incense..." Regina jumped up and pinned Dante down on the bed. "But I'm startin' to feel frisky."

Dante looked into her eyes. "I love you, honey."

"Love you too, darling." Regina turned out the lights and... well, let's just give the two lovebirds their privacy.

Cherrelsel awoke with a start. The poor thing ran off of lust. Power lust, carnal body lust, she shook her head. "Keep yourself together; otherwise, Sixer will take you out of this mission... still..." she took another whiff and the jewels in her body glowed, and the slime became physical into what looked to be a prostitute. "Great. I might be able to tell them my plan now that I've got old powers back."

Clarence, on the other hand, was having a bad dream. Sweating and shaking, she gripped the sheets, towards the point of tearing holes in them.

“Khonshu...” She muttered, her breathing getting heavy. “Khonny...K-Khonny, no. No, no no no no no no no no!” Clarence sat up, screaming out, “KHONSHU!!!!!!!” Loud enough to wake/disturb everyone from their slumber and other activities.

Carmenita and Toni burst through the door -- Toni wielding a blue lightsaber katana and Carmenita baring her claws and fangs -- only to see Clarence there alone.

"What's the matter?" Toni put away her laser blade and sat on the bed next to the android. "Nightmare?"

Clarence sighed, scrunching in on herself. “Yeah...” She nodded, wiping away her tears. “It was about Khonshu.”

Toni gave a concerned look. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

Clarence silently nodded.

“He’s a god, right?” Carmenita put her arm around Clarence as a sign of compassion. “Those guys are strong. I’m sure he’s got things under control.”

\---

“AAAAGH!!!”

Khonshu, most assuredly, did not have things under control. Devon Graham’s patent-pending Agony Beam has been left running continuously, overwhelming the deity with so much unimaginable pain that his voice was hoarse from screaming. The beam turned off, the deity gasping for breath like a landed fish.

“Make it stop,” Khonshu pleaded. “Kill me if you want, but DON’T DO THIS!”

Devon Graham’s voice replied on the intercom. “As much fun as it’d be for me to rip your heart out through your ass before snapping your beak off and ramming it through your brain, you’re much more useful to me alive.”

Devon Graham took his black-gloved finger off the intercom button and turned toward his associates. Graham was a tall and imposing man, resembling nothing so much as a shaved gorilla. His skin was very pale from spending all his time indoors, his beady eyes set in a perpetual glare above his pug-like nose as his lips parted to reveal metal teeth clamping down on a fat cigar. His greasy blonde hair was styled in an unkempt mullet, and he wore a 1970’s-style navy blue leisure suit, complete with gold medallion and shirt lapels that extended almost down to his nipples.

Sat on the other side were his two associates; on the left was Brian Vizzini, and on the right was Khonshu’s father, Amon-Ra.

“Fascinating piece of equipment you got him hooked up to,” Vizzini said. “I forget, how does it work exactly?”

“It’s simple,” Amon-Ra said. “Imagine the worst pain you’ve ever felt, magnified by a thousand and spread to every cubic centimeter of your body. Of course, my worthless son doesn’t have to imagine it. I’ve used such power many times before, but I never truly paid attention to how it affected the person it’s being used on. Tell me, Devon, how long was Khonshu being exposed to your Agony Beam this time?”

Devon Graham checked his watch. “Five minutes.”

Amon-Ra was almost taken aback. “Only five minutes and he’s begging for death? That’s some power.”

Devon grinned. “Wanna see what happens when I leave it on for another 40 minutes?”

“By all means,” Amon-Ra responded. “Go right ahead.”

Devon pressed the button again; Khonshu’s screams of agony could be heard throughout the entire building.

“Y’know,” Vizzini said, “most parents wouldn’t be this okay with people torturing their kids.”

Amon-Ra snarled. “Well _I’m_ not most parents, Mr. Vizzini. The boy’s a disgrace to the family name of Ra! I went to that adoption agency because I wanted a _son;_ imagine my disappointment when I got stuck with _him!”_

“I ain’t blaming ya,” Vizzini said. “Any friend of the DeMarco family is an enemy of mine.”

“It pleases me to know we share in common a certain distaste for that fucking family,” Devon said. “Amon, the time will soon come for you to work your magic on that brat of yours. As for Dante... well, there’s no need to worry. He’s an idiot, and a weak one at that; he’ll probably get himself captured by the time it takes me to finish this sentence. Then the fun can really begin...”

\---

Meanwhile, back with our heroes, Clarence sighed, burying her head in her hands.

"I suppose you're right," Clarence said, looking to the floor. "But, I can't help but run the numbers through all these horrible scenarios of my beloved getting tortured and beatened endlessly."

She opened up her palm, a picture of herself and Khonshu destroying Steven Grant's prized cars. "I haven't felt love like this since Jess and I were together. And even then, we were young and didn't experienxe true love yet. And, maybe it's the Starrium overheating my overused circuits or the numerous possiblities of Khonny not-"

She paused, taking a deep breath. "Point is," She looked back to the photo, smiling a teary-eyed smile. "If the numbers say that Khonshu won't make it, I wanna beat those odds. I wanna do whatever it takes to save him!"

\---

Khonshu breathed heavily, the Agony Beam feeling like he was being torn apaft and put back together every half second. He wanted to give up but, somewhere inside him, he knew he couldn't; he has people who actually cares about him, friends, a girlfriend, even her family wasn't that bad.

" _Because even though I know Khonshu's going through something that seems impossible-_ "

The Rose Quartz talisman glowed brightly, sending power coursing through his god-like veins. Khonshu's eyes snapped open, glowing light pink with power. He began struggling again, the power of harmony helping to numb the pain a bit; a chorus of melodious notes in harmony playing in the background, getting louder and louder as he struggled more and more.

" _-I know he's gonna survive_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Grande Fan and SXR for your help!


	10. A Non-Prophet Organization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikey and Cherrelsel take it to church when they're tasked with taking on Reverend Jim Buxton and his hold on the populace.

It had been hours since our heroes got their rest for the night and devised plans to deal with the Archdukes.

Mikey and Cherrelsel stood outside the First Cathedral of Graham, where service would be in session soon. The massive building cast a looming shadow over our two protagonists; fitting, as it was the base of operations for Reverend Buxton, whom they’d been tasked with taking out.

“There it is,” Mikey said after assuming Cherrelsel’s form. “He’s right inside that building, about to broadcast more of his propaganda keeping the people under Devon Graham’s thumb. We take him out, and Graham’s empire starts to crumble. I’ll go in and distract him before his next broadcast starts; I take it you remember your part?”

Cherrelsel shook her head. "I really wish I was not stuck with a church of all places." She grumbled. "Please, remind me..."

“Okay,” Mikey said. “Now, that disgusting little weasel is gonna be giving a sermon to his congregation, and that’s gonna be televised throughout the city — and viewing is mandatory for everyone. I’ll go in there and distract him while you sneak into the control room, cut the live feed, and play this instead.” He then handed Cherrelsel a tape. “And I feel ya about this whole church business; I came from a very religious family, but I never believed a word of it myself. Got disowned once my shapeshifting power developed. ‘It’s a violation of God’s law,’ they told me.”

"If this other video isn't a meme, I'm going to put my mixtape on instead." Cherrelsel said, then using her slimy body began to scale the walls.

On that note, Mikey transformed, taking the shape of a middle-aged man with pale skin, unkempt black hair, a bushy mustache, and round glasses. He walked through the cathedral door and down the long hallway into the main theater.

People from all across Gooserock were seated in the pews, silent as the grave as they sat still and stared forward. There at the front of the congregation was Reverend Buxton himself, wearing his usual purple robes and standing at a high lectern looking down on his congregation -- figuratively and literally.

"Yes friends," Buxton said as the collection plate was passed around. "Can you feel Devon Graham's mercy and benevolence with each $50 bill you pass us? Can you not feel his concern for every loose woman or queer child he has asked us to send to our reeducation facilities? Can you not feel the glory of every new territory he conquers in the name of his holiness? Can I get an amen?"

The crowd responded enthusiastically. It was clear to Mikey that these people were not willing participants; the look in their eyes and the uniformity of their movements and vocalizations implied subtle mental manipulation on Buxton's part; maybe it was his voice, or his gaze, but whatever the answer, he had a supernatural hold on these people.

As soon as Buxton saw that the cameras were rolling, he began his sermon proper. "What a glorious day it is to accept Devon Graham's unquestionable authority over our unworthy lives! If he were simply born into the prestigious Graham family, it would have been enough! If he were born into the Graham family and not commissioned those upgrades to his mortal body, it would have been enough! If he had commissioned those upgrades to his mortal body and not suffered brutally at the hands of the monstrous Dante DeMarco, it would have been enough! If he had suffered at the hands of Dante DeMarco and not sought to improve his mind and body with further upgrades, it would have been enough! If he had improved his mind and body with upgrades and not convinced this town's former government to hand over control, it would have been enough! If he had convinced the town's former government to hand him control and not contacted further help from Amon-Ra, it would have been enough! If he had contacted Amon-Ra for further help but not given power to the Five Archdukes, it would have been enough! If he had given power to the Five Archdukes and not used their collective might to conquer and annex every town in southern New Hampshire, it would have been enough!"

He then gestured toward his wife, a blond-furred weasel in a modest pink dress. "You can just ask my wife; there's no need for her to speak on this, for I tell this story well. She knows of our prophet Graham's might and wisdom, and she has asked me, 'Jim, my dear, why you to head his church? You are not a wise man, and you are not a holy man.' 'I know,' I told her, 'and so did Graham when he selected me for this task.' You know our Prophet is fair, and you know our Prophet is wise, and if he can look into my soul and find not only salvation but authority, what does that say for the rest of you?"

Mikey decided he'd had enough of this pious bullshit, so he walked right up to the pulpit. "Good day, sir," he said in a nasal, Brooklyn-accented voice. "I'm a reporter for the Times; is there any truth to the allegations that you're getting divorced as soon as your wife recovers her eyesight?"

The congregation gasped collectively.

Reverend Buxton was taken aback. "What insolence is this? My wife is the healthiest woman I've ever met!"

"You don't look like you've _ever_ met a healthy woman," Mikey replied.

The congregation broke into chuckles at this.

"That woman is my wife," Buxton said outraged. "You should be ashamed!"

"If you're that woman's husband, _she_ should be ashamed," Mikey said.

The congregation laughed louder; someone in the back even shouted "OH SNAP!"

"How DARE YOU!" Buxton got in Mikey's face. "Can you not see I'm in the middle of a sermon here? The masses await my judgment!"

"I understand," Mikey said. "I for one find your TV program very educational; every time someone turns it on, I go into the other room and read a book!"

The audience laughed further; Buxton and Mikey could both tell that whatever hold the Reverend had on them was slipping.

I will not tolerate disrespect in my cathedral," Buxton said.

"None was intended, I assure you," Mikey responded. "These people have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that!"

Buxton snarled. " You will BURN IN HELL FOR THIS INSOLENCE!!!"

"You first." Mikey then transformed into a hulking prizefighter-type and punched the Reverend hard enough to embed him into the back wall.

"You asked for it," Reverend Buxton said as he crawled back to the pulpit. "KILL THIS HERETIC! YOUR REVEREND COMMANDS YOU!"

The brainwashing took hold once more, and the people jumped out of their seats and converged on Mikey, pinning him to the floor and raining down surprisingly hard blows on him as the Reverend tried to make his escape.

Meanwhile, Cherrelsel was sneaking around in search of the AV room so she could cut the feed of the program.

Her slick body made easy to travel fast and stealthy, but hard to look for what she needed. She hoped that Mikey wasn't getting into something dangerous. Slipping and sliding passed guards of familiar uniforms, she eventually slipped into the AV rooms to find people working about to send out the newest sermon tape.

Quickly working, her sludgy body grabbed the men by their ankles and pressed them against the opposite wall of the controls. "Don't worry, you won't have to deal with Graham's punishment. Once this tape is in, I'll make sure you can enjoy the rest of your short existence..."

She replaced the tape with the new one and began to softly play a playlist as her body transformed to that of a Naga. "Now, who's into vore?" She asked with her tongue lolling.

Devon Graham reclined in his plush swivel chair, metallic claws that were once his feet resting on his mahogany desk as he pulled out his TV remote. "I wonder what flattering words Reverend Buxton has said about me today..."

The TV turned on just as Buxton started his sermon from earlier. "What a glorious day it is to accept Devon Graham's unquestionable-"

The sentence went unfinished as a loud burst of white noise that, after a few seconds showed a video recording of Mikey.

In the video, Mikey's form was that of an older white man with glasses and a long, white beard. "This is a special message for Devon Graham," he said in a regal, gentlemanly voice. He then cleared his throat and stated his message:

"Your mother is a [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ]-ing [ **bleep** ] Lorem Ipsum [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] Adminum Venium [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] Treguna [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] hippopotamus [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] Republican [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] Daniel Radcliffe [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] with a bucket of [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] in a castle far away where no one can hear you [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] soup [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] with a bucket of [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] Mickey Mouse [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] with a stick of dynamite [ **long bleep** ] magical [ **bleep** ] [ **bleep** ] [ **long bleep** ] Alakazam!"

The automatic censoring software rendered Mikey's message mostly unintelligible, but it was still loud and clear. Devon Graham's jaw hung slack as his eyes bulged out, his mind racing to comprehend what he just saw and heard.

" ** _WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT!?!_** "

Meanwhile, all across Gooserock, people felt the psychic hold Buxton held on them dwindling ever so slightly, but nonetheless significantly as the message played on loop.

Her work here done, Cherrelsel exited the room... only to see a half-dozen guards pointing laser rifles at her. Using the immense energy granted her by the talisman, she effortlessly dodged every shot as she sprinted out of the building, moving between guards to trick them into firing on one another as she made her grand exit and went off to digest her meal in peace.

Meanwhile, Mikey wasn't having much luck with the congregation ganging up on him -- not necessarily because they were stronger than he, but because they were civilians and he didn't want to hurt them. As more and more brainwashed followers burst into the cathedral to join in the beatdown, he had to fight the urge to repay them all in kind.

"Have to... break free," He said. "Must not... hurt... innocents... actually, y'know what? Fuck it!"

He then transformed into a tall, muscular superhero, allowing him to fly upward and use the significant boost to his strength to shake off the hypnotized followers that had been beating him to the ground seconds before. As soon as he was sure they were no longer a threat, he quickly moved them out of the building so they wouldn't be in any further danger.

"Now to find Reverend Buxton..." He burst through the back door he saw Buxton slip through earlier, tearing every door off its hinges to find where he was hiding. Mikey eventually tired of this wild goose chase and made his way back to the theater. He shouted, "YOU'RE NOT MAKING THIS EASIER ON YOURSELF, YOU SPINELESS RODENT! STOP HIDING AND FIGHT ME!"

"If you insist..."

Mikey barely had time to react before he was hit from behind with an Agony Beam. He stood, turned, and saw Reverend Buxton piloting a 10-foot tall mech; its torso, which housed the cockpit from which Buxton was controlling the mech, was as wide as Mikey's body, with powerful legs that stomped with enough force to shake the ground beneath it; in place of arms were two enormous Gatling guns; its head, which bore a strong resemblance to Buxton's own, had fired the Agony Beam from its eyes.

Buxton gave a wicked grin. "As the good book says, _hero..._ there's a time to build, _and a time to destroy!_ " On that, he hammered down on the buttons lining his interface, spraying bullets and Agony Beams in seemingly every direction at once. Mikey had to move at speeds he never thought he could manage just to outrun the shots fired at him; these stray shots destroyed walls and load-bearing beams . Buxton eventually got him in his sights and fired every last round in his robot's Gatlings.

It didn't work. Mikey was still standing there, completely unhurt. The bullets had crumpled against his skin like soda cans and fallen harmlessly to the floor.

Buxton growled. "What the FUCK!" It was then that he remembered -- "Oh yeah, you guys are bulletproof, aren't ya?"

"Pretty much," Mikey said as he strode up to the mech. "What are you gonna do now?"

The Reverend thought for a moment. "This." He then blasted Mikey full-force with a continuous Agony Beam, flooring him. The pain was so overwhelming that the shapeshifter could barely move as the mech stomped mightily onto his chest.

About that time, more technicians -- who were just as much victims of the Reverend's hypnosis as anyone else -- had found their way into the AV room. Leaving aside their revulsion for the mess that Cherrelsel left from her feeding, they removed the tape and brought back the live feed from the main camera in the theater -- giving audiences a full view of Reverend Buxton's assault on Mikey.

Hope seemed lost. Mikey's consciousness was fading fast. However, he noticed the camera was back on and got an idea. He remembered the talisman he chose and began to glow blue.

He grinned confidently. "Hey Reverend, why don't you tell the folks watching at home what you _really_ think, huh?"

The blue glow spread from Mikey's body into the mech and across Reverend Buxton's body.

"W-what I really think?" For reasons the Reverend couldn't understand, he felt no choice but to tell the truth. "The truth is that I'm a fraud and this religion is a scam meant to keep you happy and ignorant so you'll stay enslaved and not rise up against Devon Graham! His entire mythology is a sham; he's just a spoiled rich kid who got lucky and abuses people because he feels like it! I'm not even a real reverend; I got a mail-order diploma from an online religious school that got shut down by the IRS for tax evasion, and I sold my soul to a demon in exchange for the power to hypnotize people with the sound of my voice! MY ENTIRE LIFE IS A LIE!"

Thanks to the sapphire talisman's truth-based powers, the Reverend's hypnosis had worn off on the technicians, who elected not to cut the feed, opting instead to broadcast Buxton's confession across the entire city. Viewers everywhere found themselves no longer under the Reverend's sway.

Buxton growled. "What the fuck did you do to me?"

"What I needed to," Mikey said with a confident grin. He then quickly shapeshifted into a mouse and quickly scurried away. The Reverend looked around, not noticing that Mikey had snuck behind him and changed shape again, this time into a huge, towering ape. Using his great strength and the element of surprise, Mikey ripped the Gatling-arms clean off the mech's body before using them to smash the robotic head, thus neutralizing the Agony Beams. Reverend Buxton barely had time to react before the massive simian picked up the mech and threw it towards the last remaining support column, sending the entire room crashing down atop them.

As the dust cleared, it became clear that the entire front half of the building had been destroyed, while the back half -- including the AV room -- was miraculously intact. The mech was totaled, Reverend Buxton heavily injured but barely alive. Mikey had been miraculously unharmed.

Noticing the cameras were still rolling, Mikey then took the form of a tall, slender gentleman with curly dark hair, an angular horseshoe mustache, and a small goatee as he addressed the viewing audience. "Thanks for watching this special broadcast, folks. Now, if you'll kindly indulge me..."

True enough to Brittney's words, he felt the overwhelming urge to sing. Fortunately, an uptempo jazz tune started playing from a source he couldn't name. He began his song:

" _ **There's an ugly little weasel 'bout three-foot-nine**_

_**Face puffed up from crying and lying** _

_**'Cuz he wasted his life kissing ass full-time** _

_**In the name of the Lord!** _

_**Get a clue, little shrew, oh yeah, oh yeah,** _

_**Jesus thinks you're a jerk!** _

_**Would He really send Devon to do His work?**_ "

Audiences across Gooserock couldn't help but smile as Reverend Buxton's sway over them had completely vanished and they felt themselves clapping and dancing along to Mikey's song.

" _ **Mr. Graham says he's the one**_

_**Oh he sure is if Armageddon** _

_**Is your idea of family fun** _

_**And he's got something planned for you** _

_**Now tell me that ain't true!**_ "

Devon couldn't comprehend what was happening in front of him. The second he noticed Vizzini bobbing his head to the beat, Graham smacked him in the face before punching a hole through the TV.

" _ **Perhaps it's their idea of an affirmative action plan**_

_**To give this weasel a special break when he took all your cash and ran** _

_**To the bank, to the bank, to the bank, to the bank** _

_**And every night we can hear him thank** _

_**His buddy up above** _

_**For sending down his love** _

_**While you all smell the glove!**_ "

Watching from her computer back in the pocket dimension, Toni couldn't help but smile.

" _ **Graham and Buxton should take a pole**_

**_Right up each saintly glory-hole_ **

**_With tar and feathers, too_ **

**_Just like they'd love to do to you_ **

**_'Cause they think you are bad_ **

**_And they are very mad_ **

**_That some folks want to subvert their rule_ **

**_We'd need an Ark to survive the drool_ **

**_Of mindless fascists raised on hate_ **

**_Screaming out slurs when they congregate!_** "

Our heroes soon joined Toni in watching the spectacle and felt themselves singing and dancing along.

" _ **With assault rifles loaded in the back of the truck**_

_**If you don't fall in line, they wanna mess you up** _

_**Screaming 'No rebellion, no sir-ee'** _

**_'Our nation's too precious, can't you see?'_ **

**_What's that hanging from your neighbor's tree?_ **

**_Looks like your own people to me!_** "

Mikey then stopped singing and began to speak. "Imagine if you will... a multimillionaire saved from combat duty by his father, a US Senator... married to a woman who studied law but is not qualified to practice it... They sired a child who, after years of bullying people and stroking his ego got his ass kicked and threw a tantrum about it... He then paid other people to make him stronger because he couldn't be bothered to do it himself... used his parents' money to form his own private army and propaganda network, taking over multiple cities and towns in one state and turning them into his personal Dictatorship... claims to be an all-knowing prophet, currently seeking global domination, hoping we'll all follow him into... the Twilight Zone."

The music kicked back in.

" _ **What if Graham takes over everything? And suddenly**_

_**The rights of certain people disappear mysteriously** _

_**Wouldn't that sorta qualify as a worldwide tragedy?** _

_**Especially if he covers it up, saying 'Jesus told it to me!'** _

_**I hope we never see that day in the land of the free** _

**_Or someday will we? Will we?_ **

**_And if you don't know by now_ **

**_The truth of what I'm telling you_ **

**_Then surely I have failed somehow_ **

**_And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you_ **

**_If you let these phony prophets make a monkey out of you!_ **

**_I said Jesus would think you're a jerk and it. Would Be._** ** _Tru-u-ue!_** "

He held that last note for as long as he could before he collapsed from exhaustion. 

\---

Much later that night, Amon-Ra made his way into the room where Khonshu was being held. The Agony Beam flickered off the second the older deity strode through the door. Thanks to the power of his talisman, Khonshu didn't look much worse for wear.

"My my," Amon-Ra said. "Sixteen uninterrupted hours of the most horrible torture ever conceived and you're still clinging to life. If I weren't your father, I'd say I was impressed."

"You are not my father," Khonshu answered bitterly. "Not my real one anyway."

Amon-Ra walked closer. "True. If we were related by blood there's no way you could possibly be this... _weak_."

"I'm much stronger than you realize, Daddy Dearest." Khonshu gave a small chuckle. "I was already powerful enough to control the Moon itself, but I've been endowed with the spiritual harmony of all those I've come to care about over these years. Can you claim that."

"And there it is." Amon-Ra's deep voice dropped to just above a whisper. "That is the one trait you embody that makes me despise you so." As he talked, his voice got progressively louder. "You... you've deluded yourself into thinking you actually _care_ about mortals instead of taking your rightful place as their supreme overlord. You actually... ugh, _want to help people_. That's not what gods are supposed to do, damn you!" He gave Khonshu's face a firm backhand slap. "I never approved of your relationship with that Steven Grant fellow -- yeah, I take full credit for predicting you two would crash and burn -- but at least then he brought out the worst in you as you encouraged him to indulge his basest impulses! Now here you are befriending that Dante fellow and helping him save the multiverse from his evil alter-ego... and what's this I heard about you traipsing about with some robot-girl these days? _UNACCEPTABLE!_ " He then slapped Khonshu's face several more times, each slap punctuated with his words. " ** _I. DID. NOT. RAISE. MY. SON. TO. BE. AN. APPLIANCE-FUCKER!!!_** "

Khonshu scoffed. "You barely even _raised me_ at all, old man."

Amon-Ra narrowed his eyes. "Oh, Devon?" He turned toward the security camera and intercom in the corner of the room. "Turn the Agony Beam back on, would you kindly?"

Devon was all too happy to oblige. One press of a button, and Khonshu was once again pummeled by the onslaught of sheer, unimaginable torment.

"Very good." Amon-Ra spun on his heel and walked out the door. "Oh, and Khonshu..." He stopped and turned his head. "Don't worry. Your usefulness to my cause will be made apparent soon enough. The time will come when you can honestly say you've done something worthwhile with your life." He left, closing the door behind him.

Khonshu was in unspeakable pain, but he did not scream this time. He did not cry for help nor beg for mercy. He just lay there, alone and silent with his thoughts. Thoughts of how he would break free and seek retribution. Thoughts of how he would show his father once and for all that he was good enough. Thoughts of how he would see Graham's empire come crumbling down. But mostly...

He thought of Clarence.

"Soon, my love. Soon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SXR for your help with this chapter.  
> (Also, for those wondering: the song used is a slightly-modified version of "Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk" by Frank Zappa. People like Reverend Buxton exist in real life, and this song was created as a response to them.)


	11. Man Oh Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina and Jessie infiltrate Alan Joseph's militia complex. Hijinks ensue.

The next day, Jessie and Regina found themselves approaching Alan Joseph's base of operations. They hid from sight behind a building about a kilometer away.

"Alright now," Regina said. "I'm assumin' ya can't just summon up that demon form a' yours whenever it strikes ya fancy and can only achieve that power on certain occasions. Right?"

"Yeah," Jessie nodded, sipping on her can of PGB. "'S only when I feel strong negative emotions like anger, hate, spite, and anything else like that. I've barely used it before back in my gang days, and hardly _ever_ since takin' in B."

She sighed through her nose, adjusting the collar of her jacket. "But, I'm guessing two things: One, you find it interesting, if not slightly attractive, and have questions about it; two, you have a plan ready. Maybe...stir up a li'l rebellion in Alan's place?" She smiled mischievously, biting the can.

"Cause if so," She swallowed. "I already have the perfect song for just such that."

“Oh, that’s a song I’m sure I’d love to hear, sugar.” Regina snuck closer to the complex, ducking into alleys whenever a guard approached.

“Now, if there’s one thing I learned from all those movies an’ TV shows Dante n’ I watch, it’s that nothing gets under the skin of military types like Alan quite like the threat of an enemy from within.” Regina peeked around the corner of the building, using her binoculars to watch Alan Joseph writing something at his desk. “I figured, alls we’d hafta do is convince some of the higher-ups in his entourage that one of ‘em is plannin’ on betraying the others, and they’ll all turn on each other and fall like a house o’ cards. Then we’ll sweep in an’ take care of the rest.”

"Not exactly the type of rebellion I was goin' for, but you're the boss, Reg." Jessie shrugged. "So, where do we enter?"

“Place’s locked up tighter’n Daddy’s scotch cabinet,” Regina said. “Only way in’s if we can disguise ourselves as some of them SWAT officers that case after us before. But where will we...?”

She noticed two such officers leaving the outer gate in an armored truck.

“There’s our ticket in,” she said with a confident smile.

As soon as the officers were within range, Regina silently cast a hypnosis spell on the two. The driver pulled over the truck before they both blasted each other with their Agony Beams, knocking each other out cold.

Some time later, Regina and Jessie has finished putting on the uniforms stolen from the two officers.

“There,” Regina said as she adjusted her outfit. “With these shapeless uniforms, we’ll look just like everyone else an’ have no trouble gettin’ in...” She then gave a coy smirk. “‘Sides, maybe now you’ll stop starin’ at my derrière for once, cuz don’t think I ain’t noticed.”

Jessie scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Well, can you really **blame** me? Look at you!" She gestured towards the witch. "You're hot!"

"Y'know," Jessie chuckled. "When I first met Dante, I could tell that he was in a relationship and, being the kind Angelic-Adjacent that I am, I put 'im through a test in wbuch I subtly flirted with him to see how loyal he was." She chuckled. "Guess it helps that people mistake me for being pan. Also," She wrapped an arm around Regina. "He passed the test. He's really loyal to ya."

“Oh, Dante’s loyalty was NEVAH a question, believe you me,” Regina replied. “He’s been in love with me since the day we met, an’ before he met y’all, I was pretty much the only friend he’s ever had.”

They jumped into the truck and made their way to the base. Regina drove. “And don’t think it doesn’t go both ways. I had my share a’ relationships ‘fore Dante an’ I hooked up, but before him, I never really felt comfortable with others. Guess he’s the one who helped me realize I’m demisexual.

“I remember when Danos took over Dante’s body all those years ago; seemed like I was the only one who didn’t see him as a lost cause. Even when everyone else turned their backs on him, I swore I’d bring him back. Took damn near all my effort to incapacitate Danos, then took an entire year of casting one spell after another to get my Dante back. It was scary, I ain’t gonna lie t’you, but I never gave up on him ‘cuz I knew he’d never give up on me.”

Jessie smiled. "Well, there's some real love between you two. I can see why you stuck around so long; you wanted to spend you whole life together."

Jessie sighed, leaning back in the chair as she looked out the window. "I...I wanted the same thing for Clar and I but-" She cut herself off. "A-Anyways, I've been off dating since we broke up. But I have had a few one-time flings when I got stressed with school or life. Sometimes with the same person."

“I wouldn’t worry if I was you, Jessie.” Regina gave a knowing smile. “Someone as awesome as y’self is bound t’find someone. Please believe that.

“As for Dante n’ I... well, y’all mighta heard we’re getting married soon. And if our recent... ahem, night of passion is an indicator, it’ll be sooner than we planned.”

They drove through the front gate and stopped the vehicle. After putting on their masks and helmets, the two ladies hopped out the truck and entered the common area through the main door.

“Remember,” Regina whispered, “we’re supposed to blend in with these boorish and uncouth customers. One hint of any behavior that ain’t toxically masculine, and they’ll stomp ya out like a spider on the sidewalk.”

“MEN!”

Everyone stopped what they were doing and stood at attention as Alan Joseph approached, flanked by robotic bodyguards. He seemed twitchy and uneasy, glancing around as he clamped a cigarette between his yellow teeth.

“Everyone, we have urgent matters to attend.” Joseph walked through the common hall, his arms folded behind his back as the room was reflected in his sunglasses. “I suppose you all caught Reverend Buxton’s final broadcast yesterday... now, I know you’re all too loyal to even think of rebelling, the fact remains that a civilian uprising is imminent. As such, we must be ready to deploy for riot control on a moment’s notice. We must be alert, tough, and...” He sensed something off with one of his men. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, PRIVATE?!?”

He pointed toward a single officer; the room fell silent as all eyes came upon that officer as Alan stalked closer.

The soldier looked shaken. “W-what’s the trouble, sir?”

Alan pocketed his sunglasses so he could more effectively glare at the one under his command. “Empty your pockets. NOW!”

The officer did as he was told; all that came out were a ring of keys, a pack of gum, and... a photo of a cat.

“A cat picture...” Alan Joseph puffed out smoke. “A FUCKING CAT PICTURE! HAVE YOU LOST ALL SENSE OF BEING A MAN THAT I HAVE INSTILLED IN YOU, YOU GUTLESS TURD!?!”

“I-I’m so sorry, sir,” the troop said. “It’s just, m-my wife just adopted her last week and I kinda wanted to see it since you never let us go home... aw jeez, you’re not mad, are you?”

Alan Joseph pulled the cigarette from his mouth, pinching it between his thumb and index finger. “No,” he said softly. “I’m not mad.” Things seemed to calm down...

Suddenly, Alan pulled down the officer’s mask before jamming his still-burning cigarette into the man’s eye.

“ **I’M FUCKING LIVID**!!!”

The officer collapsed in pain, leaving Alan the opportunity to kick him in the face hard enough to break his nose.

“You know the rules, Nancy boy.” Alan gave an ugly sneer. “We are MEN! We do not TOLERATE weak links on these premises!” He turned to his robotic guards. “Dispose of this trash, would you please?” The guards complied, firing upon the unlucky officer with their built-in machine guns until he was but a stain on the floor.

Regina and Jessie stared in horror. Everyone else had no reaction; this was just routine for them.

As soon as the robot guards stopped firing, Alan Joseph lit another cigarette. “Right,” he said calmly. “As you were, men!” He stalked off back to his office.

“This might be harder than I thought,” Regina whispered.

"Maybe," Jessie whispered back. She looked at where Alan Joseph went, an idea forming in her head. "But, maybe it won't be."

Under her mask, she smirked. She sniffed the air. "You smell that? That's the smell of a plan forming. One that I used in my gang days."

Regina pulled Jessie into a nearby bathroom so they could discuss in relative privacy.

“Now, what’s this about a plan?” Regina asked enthusiastically.

"Well," Jessie began. "Back in the ol' days, we used a plan called 'Overwhelming Reality Check' which includes using whatever our target idealizes and use facts and reality against their idealization in such an overwhelming matter that it basically leaves them in a catatonic state of having their reality shatter before their eyes."

"Since Alan has a thing for quote-unquote 'masculinity', why not shiw what it's true meaning is? That masculinity isn't about how big your muscles are, or how many steaks you can eat, or whatever some men think is 'masculine'; it's about being manly enough to admit that you like things considered 'weak'."

She looked at Regina expectantly. "So, any thoughts?"

Regina scratched her chin. "Sounds feasible. And let's not forget; Alan Joseph ain't the only one runnin' the show here; he's got a group of commanders under him, and they're due to meet in an hour. You think I should use a quick hypnosis spell to, ahem, convince some of 'em to fess up about their less-manly behaviors in front of each other and their superior?"

Jessie chuckled darkly, rubbing her hands together. "Oh, that's a great idea, Reg." Jessie said. "I was the one who always did the reality check part, so I _think_ I can remember how to let reality crash down onto them."

They didn't have to wait long before Alan Joseph's five sub-commanders entered the compound. Bill Hungerdunger, Charlie Hungerdunger, Joe Hungerdunger, Fred Hungerdunger, and Matt McCormick filed in through the front door, greeting the officers with cold indifference as they made their way to their superior's conference room.

They wore mostly-identical military uniforms, with their colorful ascots being the only difference between them (Bill was red, Charlie was blue, Joe was purple, Fred was yellow, and Matt was orange.) They all also shared the same steroid-fueled physiques, with only minor distinguishing characteristics to set them apart; Bill sported a bald head to contrast with everyone else's buzz-cuts, Charlie had a scar on the left side of his lip, Joe had bushier eyebrows than everyone else, Fred wore a patch over his right eye, and Matt had paler skin and red hair while the others were slightly tanner and had dark brown hair.

Jessie and Regina silently watched the five sub-commanders file into the room. "Grab hold, sugar," Regina said before Jessie grabbed onto her shoulder. "This is gonna be weird."

Regina's eyes glowed brighter as she softly said the word " _scoute_." The spell had been cast; an invisible, ghostly projection had emerged and quickly followed the five men into the room. Regina and Jessie could see and hear everything Regina's ghost clone could.

Regina turned her head toward her companion. "You probably have a lotta questions about what's happening right now, don'cha?"

"Kinda," Jessie admitted. "I may have slept through my Magic Spell History class back in MSCA. Still surprised by how I was able to pass, though."

"Well, what I've just done is an astral-projection spell," Regina explained. "With this, I can stay in one place while a fragment of my consciousness -- think of it as kinda like a ghost -- roams free and acts as my eyes n' ears."

They focused on what the astral projection was seeing; so far, Alan was haranguing the others about infantry this and munitions that -- nothing really that important, they thought.

"It can even cast spells for me," Regina said. "Now watch: _posséder l'esprit_."

As she uttered the incantation, her astral-projected form emanated a wave of soft green light invisible to all but the spirit itself.

"I just used my possession spell to take control o' those roughnecks, subtly manipulating 'em into spilling out their deepest-kept secrets," Regina explained as she smiled under her mask. "Now, this spell is one I rarely use not just 'cuz it uses up so much magic energy, but also because it's extremely unethical. This is probably one of the few times I'll ever feel justified in usin' it, just so ya know."

"Secret's safe with me." Jessie smiled under her mask. "We all have secrets that deserve to be kept."

"Thanks," Regina said. "Now let's just listen in."

"Now," Alan said, "It is of utmost importance that we deal swiftly and effectively with this civilian uprising we have on our hands. We need tactics! Ideas! Hungerdunger, what have you got?"

Joe stood up. "Well, sir, I..."

"Not you, Hungerdunger," Alan said. "The OTHER Hungerdunger!"

Joe sat down before Charlie stood. "You see, sir, it is our understanding that the populace are dissatisfied with their lot in life, which is why I think our best course of action..." His eyes started to glow green as he felt himself forced to tell the truth. "That we should be more kind and compassionate to them; I've always felt it's better to be liked than feared, and maybe we could recoup some publicity for the state by selling some of the desserts I've learned how to bake!"

After a brief silence, Alan burst out laughing. "You really had me going there, Hungerdunger. For a second there, I could swear you, one of the hardest men I've ever met, actually claimed to be some kinda limp-waisted girly-boy! You are quite the kidder, aren't ya?"

"But it's not a joke, sir," Charlie confessed. "I really do bake in my spare time -- and not to brag, but my lemon squares are fucking delicious!"

"Y-you're serious." Alan's hand shook as he aggressively stubbed his cigarette into an ashtray. He then turned toward the other commanders in the room. "Hungerdunger, try to talk some sense into this PATHETIC excuse for a human male!"

Bill stood next. "Now, Charlie, I know..."

"Not YOU, ya goddamned moron!" Alan snarled. "I was TALKING to HUNGERDUNGER!"

Fred looked at Alan and, seeing him nod, stood up. "Look, Charlie, you might be a good cook, but we're all professionals here, and it's not wise to bring up your personal hobbies." Fred started feeling the hypnosis next. "Like, you don't see me talking about the beautiful daffodils the wife and I planted last week! Oh, and we just got a new birdbath for those exotic birds we heard would be in the area! Can't wait!"

Alan slammed his hands down on the table as he slowly stood up. "Is this some kinda gag I'm not in on? I REFUSE to believe you're the same men who helped me slaughter our way into being the most feared and respected militia on the Eastern seaboard!"

"Well, it's been pretty fun serving with you," McCormick said as his eyes glowed green, "but we do have lives outside the service, y'know. I've been thinking of putting in for early retirement so I can move outta here and help my fiancé open that spa she's always talked about."

"This isn't happening." Alan turned away from the group and examined his reflection in the window. "This isn't FUCKING happening! Either you've all taken leave of your senses or I have! Hungerdunger -- and I KNOW you know which one I'm talking about -- would you mind explaining to me what in the name of high holy FUCK is going on?"

Joe sensed his opportunity to speak. "Well, maybe the stress of being on the job so much is getting to us. I mean, I hardly have time to go home and write my Pierre x Percy ship pics!"

"The stress of the job must've fucked up my hearing," Alan said as he turned to face the group again. "Sounds to me like you just ADMITTED TO WATCHING CAMP FUCKING PINING HEARTS!"

"I never much cared for it either," Bill confessed. "Personally, my favorite show's always been Crying Breakfast Friends! Isn't Pear such an amazing character? I really feel for her emotional struggle, y'know?"

"IS EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM A QUEER BUT ME!?! YOU ARE ALL FUCKING DISGRACEFUL!!!" Alan felt like he was going to explode at any moment. "Have you forgotten why we signed up for this job? It's because this city needs strong men to enforce order!" His eyed glowed green. "YOU THINK I EVER WANTED TO BE IN THE MILITARY? NO! I WANTED TO MAJOR IN MUSICAL THEATER!!! I ONLY SIGNED UP FOR THE ROTC IN HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE MY PARENTS THREATENED TO DISOWN ME! THEY SAID THEY WOULDN'T TOLERATE A COMMIE SISSY IN THEIR FAMILY!!! I HAVE TO PROVE TO THEM -- TO EVERYONE -- THAT I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!!" At this point, he was within a hair's breadth of bursting into tears.

Regina and Jessie were watching the show and loving every moment of it.

"This is working better'n I thought it would," Regina said.

“Yeah.” Jessie smirked, but then noticed something about Alan. Sniffing the air, she asked her friend, “Hey, do you smell misery and despair all of a sudden?”

One of the Hungerdungers -- nobody could keep track at this point -- moved toward Alan Joseph. "S-sir, are you okay?" He put a hand on his superiors shoulder.

"NO I AM NOT OKAY YOU FUCKING IMBECILE," Alan shouted as he smacked the hand away. "ON WHAT PLANET DOES BEING ON THE VERGE OF TEARS AFTER REVEALING ONE'S DEEPEST SECRET IMPLY THAT SOMEONE IS OKAY?!?" He then lost all control, and the waterworks started in full. "WHY DON'T THEY FUCKING LOVE ME?!?"

"Wow, sir," McCormick said. "We had no idea you had so much going on under the surface."

"No, you didn't," Alan said. "And I'd much prefer to have kept it that way." He reached for his golf bag in the corner of the room.

"Uh, sir..." One of the other Hungerdungers shifted uneasily in his seat.

"NOTHING I'VE SAID CAN EVER LEAVE THIS ROOM!!!" With that, Alan Joseph reached into his golf bag, pulled out a massive machine gun, and slaughtered everyone else in the room.

Regina recoiled in horror. "That was unexpected..."

"WE'VE GOTTA STOP HIM!!!"

Without waiting for Regina, Jessie headed towards Alan, who was just about to off Charlie. Before the machine gun could be fired off, Jessie kicked it out of Alan's hands before elbowing him into a back wall. "You stay away from him, you misguided man!"

Sensing an opportunity, Charlie snuck out undetected, the sole survivor of Alan’s breakdown.

Alan didn’t notice, his attention focused on the angel-adjacent in front of him. “What?! How the... wait,” he said. “Of course! You must’ve done something to us that made us admit those secrets! I’d never do that of my own volition! I should’ve known all the time!”

“Well, for the record, I was the one who cast the spell,” Regina said as she entered the room.

“How gracious of you to admit that,” Alan said. “Unwise, but gracious.” He snapped his fingers, allowing his two robotic bodyguards to storm the room and train their sights on the witch.

“Jessie, get behind me,” Regina said. Jessie did as she was requested.

“FIRE!” Alan and his robots opened fire on the two, hammering down on the triggers of their machine guns.

At that exact moment, Regina’s eyes glowed again as she uttered the incantation: “ _Retourner à l’expéditeur_!”

An orb of bright orange light appeared in front of the two women. Alan and his robots opened fire, holding down the triggers until their guns ran dry...

Yet neither Regina nor Jessie got hit once! Every single bullet, no matter where it was aimed, was drawn to the orb of light where they stopped and floated harmlessly in the air.

“Shield spell,” Regina explained. “But that’s not all it can do!” Her eyes glowed again as the cluster of bullets melted into a ball of molten lead, kinetic energy increasing rapidly before Regina cast the shield toward the two robots, whereupon they exploded upon impact.

“Not only does it block bullets, but it releases them back at 10 times their original force,” Regina said.

Alan pressed the intercom button on his desk. “ATTENTION ALL MEN! INTRUDERS IN THE BASE! FIRST FIVE TO BRING THEM IN DEAD WILL BECOME THE NEWEST MEMBERS OF MY INNER CIRCLE!!!” He then slipped away into a nearby escape hatch as guards poured in by the dozen.

“Jessie,” Regina said, “you ready to help me kick some ass?”

"As much as I'd like that," Jessie began. "There's another matter I wanna get a hold of first." She looked over to where Alan ran towards. "Think you can handle it by yourself?"

"With pleasure," Regina said as she cracked her knuckles. Jessie flew off to attend to her own matters as the group of soldiers descended upon Regina.

The witch's talisman began to glow. She felt raw strength coursing through her veins. She felt every sense heightened. But more than that, as the officers stared her down with their ion lasers... she heard music, and felt a powerful urge to sing. And sing she did as she dodged every blast.

" ** _Well you're the real tough cookie with a long history_**

**_Of breaking little hearts like the one in me_ **

**_That's okay, let's see how you do it_ **

**_Put up your dukes, let's get down to it_** "

The blasts from the lasers destroyed the room, hitting every surface but missing Regina. Sensing an opportunity as the officers waited for their weapons to cool down, she uttered the incantation " _Baiser du diable_!" Fiery grenades appeared in her hands, and she lobbed them at the officers, one after another appearing as fast as she could throw them.

" _ **Hit me with your best shot**_

_**Why don't you hit me with your best shot** _

_**Hit me with your best shot** _

_**Fire away**_ "

Each incendiary projectile exploded upon impact, bathing the professional killers in flame as they ran around screaming in a panic. Regina used the confusion to escape the room... only to see more officers pouring into the massive hallway from every direction. Regina was undeterred, dodging every blast fired against her while she used her massive strength to land devastating blows to her opponents.

" _ **You come on with it, come on, you don't fight fair**_

_**That's okay, see if I care** _

_**Knock me down, it's all in vain** _

_**I get right back on my feet again**_ "

The current assault wasn't working, so more machine gun-toting robot guards entered the main hall from a massive door off to the side. Regina simply smiled and said "Cristal électrique!" Two dark-purple crystals crackling with electric energy appeared in her hands, and she fired at the automatons descending upon her.

" _ **Hit me with your best shot**_

_**Why don't you hit me with your best shot** _

_**Hit me with your best shot** _

_**Fire away**_ "

The raw power of the magic lightning overloaded each robot's circuits, causing a chain-reaction of explosions. At that point, a massive, hulking officer burst his way into the hall, spiked metal gauntlets on the ends of his arms. "You can tell I'm different because my weapon is different," he said. With each punch he threw, his metal fists rocketed off his forearms. Regina blocked and dodged each punch as the fists continued to be pulled back by the chains attaching them to the large officer's arms, only for them to be launched at her again.

Running out of patience, the large officer fired both fists at Regina... but she grabbed them, showing no signs of pain as she held onto the metal fists and started swinging the much larger man around by his chains.

" _ **Well you're the real tough cookie with a long history**_

_**Of breaking little hearts like the one in me** _

_**Before I put another notch in my lipstick case** _

_**You better make sure you put me in my place**_ "

After slamming her opponent into a massive steel door, Regina then said " _Assassiner des corbeaux_." At that, dozens of carnivorous crows appeared out of thin air before descending on the large officer, raining down blows upon him with their razor-sharp beaks.

" ** _Hit me with your best shot_**

** _C'mon, hit me with your best shot_ **

** _Hit me with your best shot_ **

**_Fire away_** "

The large officer finally got the crows to dispel... only long enough for Regina to use yet another spell at her disposal. " _L' haussement_." With that, the officer found himself forcibly levitating into the air, flailing helplessly as he floated in place. Regina, meanwhile, charged up all the strength her talisman offered her for one final move.

" ** _Hit me with your best shot_**

**_ Why don't you hit me with your best shot _ **

**_ Hit me with your best shot _ **

**_Fire away_** "

As the music ended, Regina confidently shouted " _Charge du bélier_!" This allowed her to rocket herself off the ground, surging toward the large officer at impossible speeds -- allowing her to deliver a blow strong enough to shatter his mask and helmet into pieces, knocking him out cold.

"Well," Regina said. "That was... intéressante. Wonder how Jessie's doin' right now?"

Jessie flew as fast as she could, wishing that she had B's future vision right now. Sighing to herself, she mentally prepped herself for talking with Alan.

'Remember what he said.' She thought to herself. 'If he's been suppressing himself into believing that pleasing everyone was the only way to feel happy, then maybe...maybe he's not as heartless as everyone else thinks he is.'

Jessie sniffed the air, the scent of repressed misery and dispair not too far from where she was. 'He's done horrible things, but considering everything I've done, I'm not that much better.'

The scent was growing stronger, Jessie could just make out Alan Joseph's shape. 'Just remember what you did with B,' She flew in front of Alan, landing in a dramatic way that startled the poor man. 'Be calm, patient, and most importantly-' Her talisman glowed, sending waves of its tanzanite power through her veins. '-be integral.'

Startled, Alan blurted out "I'M NOT GAY!!! ... I don't know why I just said that... Look, you girls already won, okay? Do you really need to humiliate me further?" He let out a sigh. "Fine. Let me have it." He tapped his chin. "Take your best shot."

Jessie stood up, a neutral expression on her face. “...is that why you think I’m here? To humiliate you and then fight you?”

"That's all anyone's come to me for," Alan admitted. "As far as I can recall, anyway..."

“Like your father and mother?”

Alan visibly tensed up.

"H-how did you...?" He thought for a moment. "Wait. Of course. So, what is it you _would_ like to say?"

“I want to talk to you about something.” Snapping her fingers, two chairs appeared in front of them both. Taking a chair, she turned it around before sittting in it, the back facing Alan.

“Sit down.”

He sat, fingers nervously fidgeting around as he waited for Jessie to begin.

“Do you know what I am?” Jessie asked, catching Alan off guard.

"Well, judging from what I've seen so far, you're either an insanity-induced hallucination, or the Angel of Death come to take me to the inevitable," Alan said.

Jessie chuckled, amusingly smirking. “Wow, haven’t heard anyone call me an Angel of Death since I was thirteen.”

She cleared her throat. “But, no. That’s not what I am. I’m an Angelic-Adjacent. Half human, a fourth angel, and a fourth demon.”

"Does that, uh..." Alan cleared his throat. "That give you some kinda special power?"

“Try power _s_. Plural.” Jessie rolled her eyes. “‘Sides from having these wings from both sides mixing.” She fluffed up her wings a bit for effect. “I have powers from both sides too.”

“From the demon side, I have enhanced senses like smell, hearing, and taste. Which really helps when you have enemies. And the angel side, my father’s more dominant side, I can see how long someone has to live, how old they really are, and,” She paused, looking up at the man before her. “The ability to see what their true desires and needs are.”

“Even if they lie about it, even to themselves.” Alan tensed up again, getting defensive.

"Huh. So, I guess there's no point in keeping anything from you." Alan shakily sunk down in his seat. "Well, full disclosure, I've been... immersing myself in this lifestyle because it's the only thing I have left. Parents had me training for combat long as I can remember. Once Devon took over, he commissioned me for the skills I'd amassed, and -- since my only other option was to get pumped like everyone else -- I felt I had no choice but to agree. So I just keep forcing down these hints of the person I used to be, hoping someday, that part of me will fade from existence, and all that'll be left is this... facade I've built to pretend I'm okay with all this bloodshed I've caused."

“That won’t help you in any way.” Jessie stated gently. “Pushing down who you really are is just gonna make you miserable and numb. Trying to appease everyone by faking being something you aren’t is just as tiring.”

“It only makes you feel worse about yourself and...” Jessie gulped, the awful taste of her past forming in her mouth. “And I get that feeling.”

"Well, what do you suggest I do?" Alan gesticulated wildly. "I can't exactly quit; Devon would have me killed for certain, and even if I somehow live, it ain't like I'll be able to escape this godforsaken place! And there's no fucking way I could take him or his buddies in a fight!"

Jessie thought for a moment, thinking about her next words carefully. “Are you willing to learn about TRUE masculinity?”

Alan squinted his eyes in confusion. "What do you mean?"

“What I mean,” Jessie began. “Is that I have an offer for you, one that’ll show the real meaning as masculinity. Being brave enough to admit that you need help, being brave enough to admit you like things considered ‘girly’, and being strong enough to show your softer side.”

She looked up again. “I’ll ask again, are you willing to learn about true masculinity?”

Alan felt his entire body tremble as the word struggled to escape his lips.

"Yes."

Jessie nodded, smiling softly. “Alright.”

It was at that moment Regina found the other two, Charlie Hungerdunger trailing closely behind.

"Hey, Jessie," Regina said. "I just recruited ol' Charlie here to our c-" She stopped when she noticed Alan Joseph sitting so closely to her. "YOU!"

Alan held up his hands. "Wait! Wait, I can explains!"

" _Tentacule de la mer_ ," Regina shouted. A tentacle made of water manifested around her arm and shot forward, grabbing Alan and pulling him close. "You got 10 seconds to explain what y'all were just doin' to my friend, dirtbag! One, two..."

"Please, let me explain," Alan pleaded. "Your friend is showing me the error of my ways, demonstrating how wrong I've been for so long and how I can change for the better! Tell her, Jessie!"

“It’s true.” Jessie stood up, turning the chair around. “I’ve gotten him to agree to be our inside agent. His story will be that he’s gonna be the sole survivor of our invasion. He’s gonna be our informant for any updates on what Graham’s got planned. Now,”

Jessie sent a glare at Regina, looking mighty intimidating. “If you don’t mind, can you please him down? I still need to give him some burns so it’ll look like he tried his hardest to fight back.”

"Your word's good enough f'me." Regina didn't look phased in the slightest; nevertheless, she released Alan Joseph with a wave of her free hand as the tentacle dissipated.

Regina turned to Charlie. "Wait, just so we're clear, you gonna be okay workin' with this guy even though he just killed the entire Hungerdunger family right in front o' ya?"

"Oh, we weren't actually related," Charlie admitted. "We just coincidentally happened to all have the same last name."

"Huh." Regina looked like she didn't actually believe him, but she said nothing on the matter. "Well, either way, great job today, Jessie! Ya really pulled through!"

“Thanks,” Jessie strutted up to Alan. “Okay, so just so we’re clear, burning your skin is gonna be painful and tearing your clothing in certain spaces ain’t gonna be a walk in the park.”

\---

Devon Graham exhaled a plume of cigar smoke. "Lemme get this straight: these two resistance members broke into your compound, beat the fuck out of EVERY SINGLE ONE of my militia officers, killed off your entire high council, and were about to escape before you vaporized them both?"

"That's right, sir," Alan Joseph lied. "I barely got to that ion laser with my life! The resistance thought they could impede us by massacring our militia, but we've set them back even worse!"

Situated immediately behind him was Regina's aural-projection clone, taking in the scene. Regina and Jessie were safe and sound back at the base, watching the display along with everyone else.

"Changing the subject," Alan said, "I don't think you ever, uh, explained to me what your big plan was."

"It was going to be a surprise..." Devon took another drag of the stogie in his hand. "But you and the others have been very cooperative, so I guess the Doc and I owe ya some honesty."

Devon Graham led Alan Joseph (and, unknowingly, the ghostly observer) down a long hallway to an elevator; Joseph punched in the numbers and took them to a higher floor where the other Archdukes -- sans Reverend Buxton, who was still recuperating -- were waiting outside a sliding metal door.

"Gentlemen," Devon said amiably. "Glad you could all make it. Dr. Stromwell, I take it you got something to show us?"

"Indeed." The robot opened the door and showed the others inside. Within the room was Khonshu, weakened from nonstop torture and encased in a large vat hooked up to a strange computer.

"Is that Khonshu, the Egyptian God of the Moon?" Alan Joseph asked loudly, hoping Devon would answer loud enough for the astral projection to hear. "What is he doing here?"

"Well, I've been thinking," Devon answered. "This process of annexing one neighboring town after another has been fun so far, but has it really gotten us anywhere? I should say not! If we're serious about global domination, we gotta speed up the process and fast! I'd continue, but I find the Doc can explain it better than I can."

"Thank you," Dr. Stromwell said. "Now, by administering constant Agony Beam exposure, we have weakened the God's body, but his sheer, raw power remains, whole and untapped. With this device, we hope to extract every last iota of power from Khonshu's body, eventually releasing it as a shockwave of pure, destructive energy that, if we harvest enough power from him, will cover the entire eastern seaboard." A monitor above his head played a simulated graphic of an explosion emanating from Gooserock and covering the entire East Coast of the North American continent. "Anywhere between half and two thirds of the population will be wiped out. There'll be chaos across the land, allowing us to swoop in and take over."

"Question," Alan Joseph said. "How're we gonna take over if our militia's been annihilated?"

"That's obvious," Devon said. "I'll just have Carnegie work his financial magic to scare us up some more money and goods while Mr. Phillips negotiates with one of our foreign contacts; we'll work out a trade deal to get more manpower on our side, while at the same time Carnegie uses the resources at his disposal to manufacture the weapons Dr. Stromwell's been designing lately."

Carnegie and Phillips saluted and went off to their respective bases.

"And what about Khonshu?" Alan Joseph approached the vat the god was being held in.

"Leave that to me," Amon-Ra said as he entered. "Trust me when I say that only a God can deprive another God of his energy... and since I hold supreme authority over him, it shouldn't take long at all."

"So," Devon said, "How long before we start?"

Amon-Ra scratched his beak in thought. "He'll need a few more hours of Agony Beam exposure to bring down his last lines of defense against our harvesting. Then the _real_ fun can begin."

Alan Joseph exited silently as Devon and Amon-Ra laughed maniacally.

"Smile, Khonny," Amon-Ra said to his barely-conscious son. "With my help, you're gonna serve a purpose and make something of yourself after all. Too bad you won't live to see it..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Grande Fan for all the help!  
> (The song included is "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar)


	12. A Hell of a Way to Quit Your Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dante and Clarence take on Gooserock's economic sector to hit the corrupt leaders where it hurts.

Dante and Clarence hesitantly approached the outer gate to the city's economic district.

Dante steeled himself. "You ready for this, Clarence?"

“I’m still shaken up by what Devon and that guy who’s supposed to be Khonny’s dad are planning,” Clarence admitted, hands rubbing against her oversized, wintergreen jacket. “But that only wants me to save him even more.” She adjusted her red shades with one way lenses. She also had on some jeans and heels. “Can you remind me what we’re doing? I kinda blanked out during the briefing...”

“It’s simple,” Dante responded. “We’re going against Charles David Carnegie, one of the richest guys in the country and currently the head of... well, basically all of Gooserock’s industries and economies. Weapons, luxuries, supplies, surveillance tech... all roads lead to this asshole.

“Now, I won’t bore you with the details of how a system controlled by rich fucks like Carnegie are all destined for failure — just play BioShock if you want an idea of what I’m talking about — but the bottom line is, if we can start a rebellion amongst his workers, we should be able to send his empire crashing down, leaving us one step closer to bringing down Devon Graham... and don’t worry. Khonshu is strong. I know he’ll survive.”

Clarence smiled a bit. Taking in a deep breath, she said, “Alright. Starting fights was always more of D’s thing, but I think I can recall D’s tactics.”

"Right, Dante said, "Now all's we gotta do is get through these doors and..." The massive outer gates opened before them. "That was easier than expected."

The two didn't take five steps in before a drone flew up to them and sprayed them with knockout gas.

Dante stumbled forward defiantly. "You fuckin' son of a..." He didn't get much more out before he and Clarence collapsed -- it didn't take either of them very long to realize the knockout gas was sufficiently powerful to affect androids too.

\---

Clarence woke back up with a start. She was in an elevator that, from the look of the numbers on the door, was descending. On the side wall was a small TV screen that played a public service ad. 

In the ad, Charles David Carnegie was sat behind a mahogany desk; next to him was a diagram of a bee. "What is the most admirable creature on God's green Earth?" Carnegie asked in that patronizing voice usually reserved for kindergarten teachers. "Why, it's the bee! Have you ever seen a bee on vacation? Have you ever seen a bee take a sick day? Well, my friends, the answer is no! So I say, be… the bee! Be the bee!”

The ad ended as the elevator came to a stop.

Clarence stepped out and took in her surroundings; a cold, sterile waiting room with a guy sitting behind a desk.

“I’m guessing you’re Carnegie?” She asked, folding her arms together. “What’d you do with Dante and what’re you plannin’ on doing to us?”

"Oh, I'm not Carnegie," the man answered truthfully. "Believe me, if I were, I wouldn't actually be working." In truth, he and Carnegie did bear a striking resemblance to one another; they were both minotaurs of roughly the same size and height; the only major difference was that this stranger had smaller horns and a much cheaper-looking suit. "Oh, forgot to introduce myself: I'm Kyle Sullivan, Carnegie's cousin; I used to be up in the penthouse working with him, but I got demoted to this receptionist gig 'cuz I spilled Sprite on one of the seats in the back of his gold-plated Navigator.

"To answer your second question, by the way, it would appear Carnegie saw something he likes in the two of you wants to take you both on for positions in his company. I'd congratulate you but, if I'm being honest, working for him is nothing worth congratulating." He gave a repulsed shudder.

Clarence kept a neutral face, running the probability of each action succeeding.

  * **TALK KYLE INTO WORKING WITH ME & FIGHT CARNEGIE - ~76-88%**
  * **KNOCK KYLE OUT, TRY TO FIND DANTE, & TAKE DOWN CARNEGIE - ~65%**
  * **RUN AWAY LIKE A CHICKEN & NEVER LOOK BACK - >1%**



‘ _Guess it’s sweet talkin’ time_ ,’ Clarence mentally sighed. ‘ _Let’s hope Khonny doesn’t get wind of this. Knock on wood_.’

“Oh,” Clarence began. “Is that so?” She approached the minotaur, sitting slightly on the desk. “How ‘bout you tell me about it?”

“Well, uh, let’s see,” Kyle said as he nervously tried to avoid eye contact. “Oh yeah, you start out working fourteen hours a day, eventually working your way up to sixteen hours, your lunch break is never, your starting pay is about five tokens per hour — each one completely worthless outside his company stores — and if you get hurt on the job, they won’t cover your loss, sooo... yeah. Kinda like working for Amazon, honestly.”

Clarence hummed, taking off her shades as she leaned in slightly. “Sounds pretty harsh. How come you haven’t tried to do anything about it?”

“I’m... not very proud to admit I didn’t even know about this stuff until after I got kicked down here,” Kyle replied shamefacedly. “By the time I got down here, I was given one of these fashionable little accessories...” he held up his wrist to indicate a metal power-dampening bracelet. “And now my powers don’t work. This is what he does to everyone down here so we can’t fight back. He’s up there banging supermodels and sniffing solid gold cocaine, and we’re picking up the tab.”

Clarence hummed, thinking. “Mind if I look at that?”

“Uh... go ahead.” Kyle gave Clarence his wrist.

Clarence looked at it closely. “Hm, standard powe blocker model five-six-eight.” She noted. “It’s got a new circuitry board that keeps it from powering down, but I think I can-"

Clarence stopped herself, looking up at Kyle. “If I free you, will you be willing to work with me?”

Kyle looked back at her. "Anything to stop my lunatic cousin," he said.

Clarence glared at him, threatening and harsh as her grip unconsciously intensified.

“I mean it, Sullivan.” She spat out. “If you betray me, I will hunt you down, break all of your bones, sick a pack of hyper-active chihuahuas on you, throw you off a cliff, and then leave you for the sharks...” As her android voice kicked in on the last thing, her eyes glowing blood red.

“Got it?”

Kyle stared in sheer horror as he nodded silently.

“...alright then.” Clarence went back to normal as she worked on the bracelet. “Say, there wouldn’t happen to be any security alarms on this gadget, would there?”

"Just one," Kyle said, "but it has a glitch that lets you bypass it by overloading the mainframe with electricity. Nobody I know has that kind of power, so it's been impossible for anyone to-" He didn't get to finish that thought as he felt a burst of electricity crackle through his body. "You got it..."

“Sorry ‘bout that.” Clarence shifted her hand back to normal. “Sometimes it helps to be an android.”

Kyle rubbed his wrist as he felt the shackle pop open. "Thank you," he said, shaken. "For once, I actually feel... not weak. If you can find a way to do that for all of us that work down here, you just might be able to bring down my cousin."

“Heh, ye-" Clarence paused, an idea forming. “Yeah...”

The two then heard a loud explosion outside, disrupting their train of thought.

Kyle threw open the front door, allowing him and Clarence to exit and see for themselves what was going on. A hole was blown through the side of one of the innumerable factories lining the streets. Several dozen workers in identical grey uniforms were huddled outside, and one of them stood separate from the rest. A woman in her mid-20s with an athletic build, light blue skin, green eyes, and a shaved head addressed the crowd.

“Fellow citizens of this god forsaken excuse of a city,” she said. “I stand before you as not a leader, but the first of many! Alone, we are powerless against the ruthlessness of that bull bastard in that penthouse up there!” She pointed to the top of a skyscraper right behind the building Clarence and Kyle exited. “But United, we are a single entity that cannot be contained!”

There were cheers from the crowd.

“I can’t watch,” Kyle said as he anticipated what was to come.

Sure enough, a floating metallic platform descended behind the young woman. On the platform were two men in suits. They both had black hair and pale skin.

One of the men, the taller of the two, began to speak. In addition to his height, he was rather muscular, had short hair with spiked bangs, and purple eyes. He wore a black suit and narrow tie with white boots, shirt, and fedora. “Everyone, shut the fuck up and get back to your designated places! You want us to kick your asses?” Despite his imposing stature, his voice was very high-pitched, and he overall sounded like a young teen trying to be “tough.”

“Yes,” the shorter of the two men said in a smoother, more mature voice. “It would be such a shame to lose any valuable members of our workforce.” He was just as muscular as his companion, and he was balding at the top of his head, but compensated with long, shaggy sideburns. His eyes were green and he wore a light grey suit with white shoes, a black shirt, and a silver tie, and a long scar going down the side of his face.

The taller one spoke again. “Right, now who’s the dead motherfucker who started all this? Do you realize we’re not to be fucked with?”

“That’d be me,” the young woman admitted. “I mean, it was kinda stupid of you guys to put me of all people in a munitions plant!”

“Yes, you always were a troublemaker,” the shorter of the two men said as he grabbed the woman’s face. “And such a pretty one at that.”

“Ew,” the taller man said. “Bald chicks are fucking disgusting!”

The shorter one just smirked as he let the woman go. “Well, that settles it. You’ve caused us more than enough trouble for one lifetime, so we’ve seen fit to... terminate you from the premises. Mr. Willis, if you’d care to do the honors...”

Everyone watched in horror as the taller man, Mr. Willis, charged up a blue fireball with one hand while the shorter man held the woman in place.

Clarence couldn’t take any more of this. She had to do something. She felt her talisman glow. She remembered the power it granted her.

Hope.

Changing her left arm into a canon, she fired at Mr. Willis, hitting him square in the head and launching him back twenty meters. Before the other man could react, Clarence threw her boomerang heels at him, knocking him unconscious as the heels returned to her.

“Hey!”

Everyone looked up at the source, surprised to see her with Kyle right behind her.

“Are y’all just gonna let them talk to you like that?” Grabbing Kyle’s arm, Clarence jumped with him, using her rocket feet to slow down their descent until they reached the ground. She let go of his hand.

“Is this what you want? To be pushed around this easily?” She continued, looking around at everyone. Rock music began playing, the source coming from nowhere. “Life is not about that, it’s about The Man. The person who comes up with all these stupid rules and has been keeping you down for years. Now tell me,” She looked all around her. “How does that make you feel?”

In the far back, someone of an unknown gender shouted, "Angry and repressed from my full potential!"

Clarence nodded. "Darn right." She faced the crowd, singing.

" _ **When the world has screwed you, and CRUSHED you in its fist**_ ,"

She clenched her hand near her face.

" _ **When the way you're treated, has gotcha good and PISSED**_ ,"

Clarence didn't normally swear, but these were one of the exceptions she made for herself.

She slid towards a section of the crowd, a smile forming on her face.

" _ **There's been one solution, since the world began. Don't just sit and take it-**_ "

She clapped her hands together, pumping a fist into the air as she stomped.

" _ **Stick it to the man!**_ "

She began pacing around the crowd, making gestures to match her words.

" _ **Rant and rave, and scream and shout, get all of your agression out. They try to stop ya, let 'em know, ex-ACTLY where they all can go**_."

She stopped in the middle, spinning on her heel to look at everyone.

" _ **AND DO IT JUST AS LOUDLY AS YOU CAN!**_ "

She slid onto the floor, posing as she snapped her fingers.

" ** _Stick it to the man!_** "

Getting up from the floor, Clarence continued. "If you wanna be free, then you gotta get angry at The Man, alright? Right now," Extending her arm, she grabbed the helium-voiced, short man, restraining him with the bracelet Kyle had on before. Holding him up, she shouted, "This guy's the man, so go ahead, **_STICK IT TO HIM_**!"

The shorter of the two suited men backed up slightly when he saw this. "We may need some backup."

"Don't be such a pussy, Maiellaro" Mr. Willis said as he charged forward. "Ain't nobody can fuck with us!"

Unfortunately for him, he was immediately proven wrong when Kyle swung a fist at him hard enough to send him back the way he came. Kyle, in turn, was then hit with a laser blast courtesy of the shorter man, Mr. Maiellaro, who then spoke into a wrist communicator.

"Merrill, Schatz, you guys need to get over here," he said. "We've got a bit of a problem on our hands."

While he was talking, he didn't notice that Clarence had freed the blue woman from her power-dampening bracelet. Using her newly-freed telekinetic power, she then buried Maiellaro under the brick and rubble from the explosion she recently caused.

"Thanks for the assist," the blue woman said to the Android as she helped the others remove their bracelets. "Name's Wendie, by the way. Wendie Hirsch. I was with the resistance until I got caught and forced to work in the factory. This is my seventh escape attempt, and I intend to stay out this time!"

They then noticed that they were surrounded by robotic guards wielding ion lasers.

Clarence clicked her tongue, scoffing. "Looks like we got more people to stick it to." The rock music picked back up again.

" ** _Hear 'em overwork ya_** ,"

She grabbed a few of the robotic guards, throwing them towards another group, which exploded.

" _ **Stick to the man!**_ "

She snapped her fingers, pointing towards a random worker. "Add something, man."

The random worker happened to be a skeleton with glowing purple eyes. "Warren Colaiuta, at your service!" Now freed from his power inhibitor, he used the magic that allowed him to slow time around him to a crawl. Everyone froze in place, allowing him to maneuver around them with ease. He ran towards several robot guards who were firing their ion lasers in Clarence and Wendie's direction, and redirected their lasers toward each other. He then ran towards Mr. Willis, who was gearing up for another attack, and gave him a front-wedgie. He then noticed Mr. Maiellaro paused mid-climbing out from beneath the rubble, and smacked him in the face with a lead pipe.

Warren then returned to his original place and, with a snap of his fingers, unfroze time. The robots destroyed each other and Willis and Maiellaro were stopped in their tracks by the injuries visited upon them.

"Get that dick outta your ears and listen," Mr. Willis shouted into his communicator. "Some crazy bitch is freeing all our workers and smacking us up like her name was Chris Brown! We need your asses down here now or, so help me God, I'll fuck your mothers!"

A voice could be heard over the other end. "Yeah, well, y'see, we kinda had this other thing we had to do..."

Willis rolled his eyes. "Did I mention she's not white?"

"She's a corpse," another voice on the other end said. "We're on our way!"

Soon enough, they were joined by two other men in identical all-black suits. They each had reddish-purple skin, yellow eyes, and long, gangly limbs. The one on the left was slightly shorter and stockier than the other and had spiky orange hair; the one on the right was taller and thinner, and had spiked green hair.

"Okay, um..." The one on the right cleared his throat as he spoke in a calm, casual tone of voice. "Now, uh, I'm Schatz, this is Merrill, and we're like, here to stop you so... like, whatever you're doing, maybe... don't?"

"What ze FUCK are you doing, you fucking milquetoast?" The shorter man, Merrill, shoved Schatz aside as he shouted in a harsh, grating voice with an Austrian accent. "Ve haff come to TEACH YOU YOUR FUCKING PLACE!" He held aloft his robotic right arm, which transformed into a cannon that fired explosive blasts everywhere.

"Dude," Schatz said. "What're you doing? You'll kill off all our workers doing that!"

"Ve can alvays get more," Merrill responded.

"Yes, Merrill, that's correct," Maiellaro said as he brushed the rubble off himself and joined them. "What have you to say to us now, Android?"

"It better be 'sorry,' cuz WE WILL FUCKING ANNIHILATE YOU!" Mr. Willis charged at our heroine once again.

"Oh, I'm sorry alright..." Clarence trailed off. "Sorry that _I'm not done with my song!!!_ "

She threw her heels again, chopping of the heads of at least 50 robots before knocking Mr. Willis and Mr. Maiellaro out again. She jumped into the air, slipping the boomerang heels on as they were in midair.

" _ **Hate the way they JERK ya**_ ,"

She sang, standing up.

" ** _Stick it to The Man_**."

Snapping her fingers, she pointed at Kyle. "Kyle, wanna add somethin'?"

"You bet I do," the minotaur said with a determined grin. He looked directly at Mr. Merrill, who started firing his explosives in his general direction. Kyle charged at him, punching the explosives away as he sang.

" _ **Break the rules, ignore the signs**_

_**And color way outside the lines** _

_**Go off the script, do what you like** _

_**They hate it, they can take a hike** _

_**Why live your life to someone else's plan?** _

_**Stick it to the man**_ "

"Vill you CEASE ZAT INFERNAL CATERVAULING, YOU FAT FUCK!?!" Merrill charged his next shot long enough to launch a gigantic blast directly at Kyle... who caught it and threw it back, leaving Merrill and Schatz in a smoldering crater and damaging the surrounding buildings.

"Minotaurs is ze cwaziest peoples," Merrill said in a daze before lapsing into unconsciousness.

Schatz stood, dusted himself off, and exited the crater. "Okay, I really didn't wanna have to do this, but..." He sighed. "Don't say I didn't warn ya." His eyes began to glow a hellish red as he started... changing. He began to grow taller and more muscular by the second, becoming less and less humanoid in form until he stood roughly as tall as the factory buildings around him, a mass of rock-hard muscle and mindless, animalistic fury. He let out a mighty roar as he started flailing his massive arms in every direction, destroying the surrounding area and coming within a hair's breadth of slicing Kyle up into bloody ribbons with his enormous talons.

"O...kay, did not see that coming." Clarence admitted. She turned to the skeleton. "Warren, mind working a li'l o' that power of yours?"

He nodded, slowing everyone and everything around them. She ran towards Kyle, picking him up and laying him safely onto the ground.

As awesome instrumental played, she switched into her combat mode. Jumping up, she blasted his face repeatedly, kicked him in the throat, launched grenades (which exploded poison-spitting kittens on his face and neck), and wrapped a giant steel-infused tarp around his eyes.

Roaring once more, the monster formerly known as Schatz staggered blindly about, knocking into buildings as it tried to recover from Clarence's assault. It then tripped in the crater it had crawled out of beforehand, and was sent careening down into a nearby factory.

"Shit," Warren said. "There's people still in there!" He froze time once more, and burst through the building's door. "Okay, he said, "I got this."

One by one, Warren safely brought every single worker out of the building, checking once more to make sure he didn't miss anyone. Breathing a sigh of relief, he then unfroze time, allowing Schatz-zilla to collapse, damaging nobody but itself.

Everyone crowded around the now-mostly destroyed building to see the monster that lay within. "So," Kyle said, "D'ya think he's...?"

The monster reopened its eyes and roared once more as it tried to lurch forward.

"Not today, asshole!" Wendie used her telekinesis to destroy what was left of the building, burying the monster under hundreds of tons of rubble.

The last of their enemies having been defeated, the group gathered around Clarence as she used her Android power to remove all of their power-suppressing shackles.

Clarence had just finished the last one when she heard a voice in her head.

"Clarence!" It sounded exactly like Khonshu. "Clarence, can you hear me? Where are you?"

She turned back to normal, looking around her. "Khonshu?" She asked. "Khonshu is that you?"

"I think I'd know if I weren't real," he said with a hoarse, rasping chuckle. "I just found out this talisman allows me to communicate with you from my current position. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, my old man's got me really fucked up. I'm not sure how much more I'll be able to take... Listen, we don't have a lot of time before Devon and his cronies drain me of my godly energy for their plan... I'll no longer be able to exist within the mortal realm. What are you doing right now?"

"Rebelling against that greedy minotaur that practically runs the city." Clarence stated bluntly. "Is there anything I can do?"

"You mean Carnegie? Yes!" A note of hope was detected in Khonshu's voice. "I can assume that, by defeating him, you hope to cripple Gooserock's economy and cut off their supply lines. Trust me, I've helped plenty of people do stuff like this before. I overheard Carnegie say that he's got on his person a 'Master Key' that allows him access to the entire city's finances -- and surprise surprise, the vast majority of money goes right into Devon and the Archdukes' pockets. You get that key off of Carnegie, and the rest should be easy. Now, he'll probably be in his penthouse right now, so you should..."

Khonshu was cut off when an explosion destroyed the top floor of the skyscraper.

"Sit back and watch Dante do something both brilliant and stupid at the same time," Khonshu said dryly.

Sure enough, Dante and Carnegie could be shown plummeting from the building, both looking bruised and battered. Unlike Dante, Carnegie was barely clinging to consciousness as the former hero-in-training rode on his back, whooping and hollering like a cowboy on a mechanical bull the whole time. Dante used his magic to slow their descent until they landed safely on the ground instead of splattering into a shower of gore.

"Hey Clarence," Dante said slightly dazed. "Okay, good news: I got Carnegie's master key! Bad news, I'm gonna need a new bowler hat..."

"Seriously?" Clarence asked flatly...

...before pulling out an article for her latest line of bowler hats. "What were you hoping for? Something like the line you're wearing now, or something with a li'l surprise in stored?"

"Surprise me, if you will!" Dante tossed aside his own bowler hat -- which had been all but destroyed in his recent outing -- and replaced it with the one Clarence handed him. It was dark gray with a silver spade on the front. Before Clarence could even explain what it does, Dante pranced off. triumphantly, dragging an unconscious Carnegie behind him by the wrist.

Khonshu could be heard sighing. "He's a big, dumb animal, isn't he? Regardless, he got you what you need for your plan to work. I have every confidence you'll be able to pull it off -- and I promise we'll see each other again very soon."

"We better see each other again soon." Clarence smirked. "Otherwise I'm gonna smother you with so much love you'll drown."

"I can think of worse ways to go out." Khonshu chuckled once again. "Well, my love, I should probably... oh shit; my Dad's coming back!"

Amon-Ra's voice was then heard as well. "Were you just talking to that robot whore of yours again?"

"You're not the boss of me, Dad," Khonshu spat bitterly.

"Y'know, until this point I thought your feeble attempts at rebellion were adorable," Amon-Ra said condescendingly. "But now they're starting to grate on me. I think you know the consequence of testing my patience."

Khonshu took a deep breath. "Blow it out your ass, old man."

"A pity," Amon-Ra said. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

The last thing Clarence heard before the connection severed was the sound of Khonshu screaming as the Agony Beams shot through his body.

Clarence shuddered, subconsciously pressing her bleached-white, titanium teeth together as her unconscious memory storage filed it under her "KHONSHU FATHER VENGANCE AMMO" file.

"Say," Clarence began, trying to get her mind off of the unfortunately short conversation. "What's gonna happen now that Greedy McMoney-Grubby is gone?"

“Well,” Dante said. “I figure we either pump him for information if we’re feeling merciful...” He then grabbed Carnegie by the lapels and snarled in his face. “Or we sell the bastard to a local Burger King.”

“You can’t do that,” Kyle said as he rushed to join them.

Dante groaned in annoyance. “Don’t tell me you want me to show mercy for this scumbag... you related to him or something?”

“Well yeah, but that’s not the point,” Kyle said. “I meant that selling him to a Burger King would be impractical because fast food places only accept meat that’s already been slaughtered and processed; they wouldn’t know what to do with a live Minotaur! Besides, he’s fully sentient and sapient, so it’d be illegal for them to sell him as food anyway. Just leave him to me when you’re done with him. I think it’s only fitting his punishment is decided by his last living family member...”

“Makes sense to me,” Dante said with a shrug.

"I'm guessing _you're_ his last living relative." Clarence pointed at Kyle.

“That’s right,” Kyle replied. “All the other heirs to the family’s fortune — the ones who were supposed to get it before my cousin — all mysteriously died from eating poisoned potatoes. Makes you wonder...”

“If you think that Carnegie poisoned everyone,” Clarence said. “Then you’d be right. It’s not completely out of the realm of possibility. Plus, I ran the numbers, and it says there’s a 87% chance of him actually doing it. Of course, the percentage would be higher if he was the one cooking.”

Dante let out a weary sigh. "Mingya..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Grande Fan for all your help!  
> (Today's song is "Stick it to the Man" from School of Rock)


	13. A Hell of a Job Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Clarence does her thing, Dante meets with Carnegie personally.

"What the fuck?"

Dante woke up, slumped in the corner of an ascending elevator. After standing and rubbing his head in pain, he surveyed his surroundings. "Shit," he said to himself. "That fucking cow..."

On the side wall was a small TV screen that played a public service ad. In the ad, Charles David Carnegie was sat behind a mahogany desk. "You know, I wasn't born deaf," he said with a laugh.

"No, just stupid," Dante replied under his breath.

The ad continued. "I hear what people are saying. 'Why do we have to work 16 hours a day?'" He let out another chuckle. "Let's be clear: I would like nothing more than to shorten your work day, but the fact is, I simply can't. Why not, you ask? Well..." The ad didn't play any further when Dante punched the screen, completely destroying it.

"Mingya," Dante said. "I thought I was _joking_ when I compared him to a BioShock character -- now here he is plagiarizing quotes from the third game word-for-fucking word! Like, does he not know the character saying that _was the bad guy?_ Christ almighty, the sooner I waste this fuckface, the better."

He didn't have to wait very long before the elevator opened up at his stop: the top floor of the building. Dante looked out the open door and saw a hallway leading directly from the lift to a door with Carnegie's name on it; on either side of the hallway were floor-to-ceiling windows that gave Dante a clear view of the outside world. To his left, there stood numerous identical factory buildings, lined up one after another. Dante assumed there must've been several dozen, but he was never good with math, so what did he know? To his right were several office buildings, behind which the gate separating Carnegie's territory from the rest of Gooserock was clearly visible.

Dante approached the door, which then burst open to reveal a grinning Charles David Carnegie standing behind it. "Dante DeMarco," he said jovially. "How wondrous it is to meet face-to-face! Don't be shy -- step into my office! We've much to discuss!" 

Dante cringed as he glanced at Carnegie's wardrobe. Dark brown leather shoes with white toe-caps, pleated slacks that were some ludicrous dark purple color, a white shirt with a red bowtie, and a glittery silver blazer with enough sequins to sink a ship.

' _Wow, and people call ME an overdressed fop_ ," Dante thought to himself. ' _This jerkoff makes Rip Taylor look subtle._ '

Carnegie stepped aside, allowing Dante to enter the office. Suffice it to say, the minotaur's sense of decor was just as garish as his sense of fashion. The walls and floor were made of varying shades of gold plating, and the windows were made of stained glass. The ceiling was painted like the Sistine Chapel, albeit with Carnegie's face replacing those of the figures in the original paintings. Mounted along the walls were the stuffed heads and horns of numerous exotic animals, some of which Dante was sure were extinct. The wall immediately in front of Dante had four massive wall safes, on the shelves next to which were bottles of expensive liquors and wines with unpronounceable names. There was a desk made of solid ivory, and behind it was a throne-like armchair studded with precious gemstones. Dante sighed. ' _Even suburban white teens who fantasize about being famous rappers would cringe at this._ '

What didn't help was that next to the desk were six scantily-clad sex workers arranged in some sort of human pyramid. They were clearly being paid to smile, but Dante could tell they were dying inside.

"Don't mind the girls," Carnegie said. "I was just, uh, relieving some stress while awaiting your arrival." He then turned to the escorts in question. "That's all for now, girls! I'll give you a call later." The six women breathed a sigh of relief as they hurriedly dispersed, leaving the minotaur and the ex-hero in training to their own devices.

"So," Dante said. "Y'wanna explain to me why you called me here? I'm guessing you didn't just wanna prove that you hired Baz Luhrmann to do your interior decorating."

"That's what I like about you, Dante," Carnegie replied as he sat in his massive chair. "No nonsense! Always eager to get right to the point! Take a seat, will you please?"

Dante reluctantly sat in one of the two chairs across from Carnegie's seat; the chairs were made of cheap, old wood, and were much lower to the ground than Carnegie's chair. Dante couldn't help but wonder if the bull-man was compensating for something.

"Now, let's get to brass tacks," Carnegie said. "Now, you might not believe this, but I'm somewhat of an unpopular sort among the other Archdukes."

" _That's_ a fucking shock," Dante said.

"I know, right?" Carnegie clearly didn't notice the sarcasm. "I have more money than any of them -- dear old Devon being the exception -- yet despite that, they all think I'm crazy. Can you guess why?"

Dante smirked. "Because you dress like a bad Jared Leto Joker cosplay?"

"I don't know what those words mean," Carnegie said. "No, they think I'm crazy because, you see, while they all hate you and want you dead -- no offense -- I look at you and see a _lot_ of potential. I've been monitoring your activities _very closely_ , my friend." To emphasize this point, he leaned closer over the desk, invading Dante's personal space. "Yes, I've paid no small amount of attention to your past exploits, and I've determined that I would like to make you a deal."

" _Is it an offer I can't refuse?"_ Dante asked in his best Marlon Brando impression. He had no intent of taking this bastard seriously whatsoever.

"I should say so," Carnegie said, the joke once again going over his head. "What I'm offering you is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity: to join me! Together, we'll share full control of this company! You'll..." He was cut off by an explosion from outside.

Dante jumped up. "What the fuck!?!"

"Ignore that, please," Carnegie said with a wave of his hand. "Just more of the rabble. As I was saying..."

"Wait," Dante said as he finally remembered. "Where the fuck is Clarence?"

"Oh that robot girl?" Carnegie glanced out the window briefly before looking back at Dante. "Well, don't misunderstand me; much like yourself, she certainly had gumption. She's full of vim and vigor and that sticktoitivness I look for in an ally; it's just that, unlike you, I feel she lacks a certain... je ne sais quoi. She just doesn't have..."

Dante interrupted him. "White skin?"

"Now, let's try not to make this about race, boy." Carnegie held up his hands as if to defend himself. "You just happen to have more... potential, and I'll see to it that your potential is reached." He reached into a desk drawer, pulled out a gold-plated laptop with a microphone hooked up to it. "If you'd be so kind as to share with me the details about the resistance's whereabouts and how we may go about _apprehending_ them, heh, I guarantee I'll get you anything you could possibly want: money, a penthouse suite, fancy cars, exotic vacations... an autographed headshot of PewDiePie... you'll have a great life, free of worry!"

Dante was trying to fathom what he was hearing. "Let me see if I understand... you expect me to sell out my friends, betray the people I promised to help save... hell sacrifice _my fucking girlfriend_ all in exchange for the same stuff I could probably just create for myself anyway?"

"I knew you'd have reservations about parting with your beloved," Carnegie said as he opened a window on his computer and typed away. "Which is why I'm hooking you up with complimentary samples of my company's latest model of top-of-the-line sex droids!" He then turned the computer so the screen was facing Dante; the screen displayed a model of a robotic sex doll. "Look at her! Is she not the prettiest white girl you've ever seen?"

Dante groaned. "I've got troubles of my own," he said, "and you can't help me out. So take your sex bots and your hideous fucking decor and _ram it up your snout!_ " Dante then quickly cast his arm forward, smacking the computer off the table.

"My my, such impatience," Carnegie admonished. "That's no way to speak to your betters, young man. Then again, you never _did_ have much respect for authorities. _Your parents realized that the hard way..._ "

The aggravated look on Dante's face was replaced with one of shock. "...what?"

"Oh, I've said too much already," Carnegie said.

Dante lunged forward and grabbed the minotaur by his lapels. " ** _WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY PARENTS!?!_** "

"Well, I _was_ gonna keep it a secret, but you've forced my hand." A smug smile creased Carnegie's face. "I'm honestly surprised you don't remember... then again, I don't suppose you _could_ , seeing as how you... _weren't yourself_ at the time."

Dante's voice trembled with rage and fear. "What are you talking about, you stupid bastard?" His mind raced with horrific images as he could already tell where things would go from here.

Carnegie continued. "Well, we all remember that time when Danos had complete control of your body -- sowing chaos and mindless violence hither and thither, the streets flooding with the blood of the innocent... well, we all have to start somewhere."

Dante let go of Carnegie's lapels and stumbled back in horror. "N-no... no, it can't be true!"

"Oh, but it is," Carnegie said as he stood up. "After your... attempt at fighting that demon put you out of commission, your parents worried sick about you. They'd spend all day every day for the better part of a month standing over your comatose body in the hospital, hoping and praying that one day you'd open your eyes... unfortunately for them, _you did_. Or rather, _he did_."

A tear formed in Dante's eye. "O-Oh my God..."

"That's right," Carnegie said in as smarmy a tone as he could manage. "Your old pal Danos slaughtered them both where they stood. They never had a chance against him; their screams of agony died on their lips as he unleashed his full power on them. A quick burst of agonizing pain, and there was barely enough left of them to bury. I'll admit, it was a rather grisly display even for my tastes. I often find myself lying awake at night, just wondering what their final thoughts could've been as their beloved son _blasted them to smithereens_."

Dante let out an animalistic roar as he tackled Carnegie to the ground, repeatedly punching him in the face while sobbing uncontrollably. Dante's mind was a hurricane of raw emotion -- grief for his beloved parents, horror at how they died, anger at Carnegie for telling him, and above all, the inescapable _shame_ that came from realizing that their gruesome demises were _all his doing_. Dante continued whaling on the minotaur beneath him, hoping in vain that this would somehow begin to make up for what he'd done.

No matter how many punched Dante landed, though, the smug son-of-a-bitch just wouldn't _go down_. Carnegie remained conscious, that cocky grin never once leaving his face. He didn't even have a single cut or bruise anywhere on him, despite everything Dante was doing. It wasn't long before Dante ran out of steam and gave up.

Carnegie smirked. "Are you done yet? Good." His eyes began to glow some dull yellowish color, and Dante found himself forcibly lifted off Carnegie's body and flung backwards at lightning speed, crashing painfully into one of the mounted heads on the wall.

Dante groaned as he slumped down to the ground. He looked up at the ominous silhouette looming over him.

"You're not the only one who can practice dark magic, young man," Carnegie taunted as he walked toward the injured younger man. "I've studied up on your methods. I know how your kind of magic operates. And you..." Carnegie then rammed his fist into Dante's stomach before clocking him in the jaw, drawing blood from his mouth. "You can't touch me." He once again used his power to fling Dante into another corner of the room, sending him careening into a pair of ibex horns that, fortunately, broke against his skin instead of impaling him.

Dante stood back up and charged at Carnegie once again, sending a barrage of errant punches at him; even despite his considerable strength, none of the blows Dante landed seemed to be doing anything to the minotaur at all.

"What did I just say?" Carnegie let out a smug chuckle before grabbing Dante's head and gripping tightly. A burst of electricity shot through Dante's body, causing him to scream as Carnegie laughed. "Not only am I stronger than you could begin to imagine, but I'm invulnerable to all physical attacks... though I'd say you're in no shape to land any sort of attacks on me at all." He then punted Dante back into the wall he'd already slammed into before.

In a blind fury, Dante tried to charge at Carnegie again, but the minotaur just stood there and hurled spiked balls made of ice at the younger man. Dante felt his defenses weakening with each hit, the cold and the sharp pain wearing him down until he collapsed.

Carnegie reached over to a nearby wall and pressed a red button. On cue, a good half-dozen security drones descended from the ceiling, each one with ion lasers primed and trained right on Dante. Carnegie watched with sadistic glee as the drones prepared to fire. Just to make matters worse, the minotaur cast a fireball at Dante to harm him even more.

Dante couldn't take it anymore. The sheer sensory overload caused him to scream an agonized scream that threatened to rupture his entire body. Just as he was about to give up and embrace what was coming to him... that's when he felt it.

The talisman.

Dante's entire body emanated a gray glow as time around him seemed to stop. The whirlwind of varying emotions knocking around in his brain fused into one before fading into nothing. For just this once, he felt... balance.

' _I can't let my emotions_ _distract me_ ,' Dante thought as he surveyed his surroundings. ' _I need to strategize. Carnegie said physical attacks wouldn't hurt him, so the enhanced strength I got from dear ol' Dad ain't enough... but maybe my magic can do something? First, something to absorb those lasers_. _'_ He then silently cast a spell, mouthing the words ' _Taobh iarainn_.'

Time unfroze as the security drones opened fire, emptying entire reserves of ionic gel at Dante... except the lasers didn't hurt him. Instead, they seemed to absorb into his being. The drones fled off to re-stock on ammo as Carnegie watched in confusion.

"What the hell?" He let out an ugly snarl. "How aren't you **dead**?"

Time froze once again as Dante considered what to do next. ' _Right, now that I've absorbed all those lasers, I can fire them back out... but I need to consider my exact position before I fire... yeah, that'll do just nicely.'_ He then mouthed ' _Fleasc Aero_ ' as time returned to normal.

He ran faster than Carnegie could see, taking a position at Carnegie's left flank in the blink of an eye. Dante then drew his sidearm -- a gold-plated, trident-shaped laser pistol -- and pulled the trigger. The kinetic energy from all those ion blasts Dante absorbed came back out in one concentrated burst strong enough to send Carnegie flying backward. The bull-man crashed into his shelves of expensive liquor, smashing his bottles and dousing him with the overpriced liquid crap he didn't even drink all that often to begin with.

Dante already knew what he'd do next. ' _L_ _ oscadh. _ '

Dante snapped his fingers, and Carnegie caught on fire! The minotaur screamed in pain, running around the room in a blind panic as he tried to snuff out the magic flames that just grew hotter and hotter, exacerbating the severe burns he already got from the laser blast. 

Carnegie was so distracted by this that he didn't even notice when a gold-plated USB port fell out of his pocket. Dante dashed over and picked it up, noticing that the words "MASTER KEY" were engraved on it. Dante pocketed this Master Key, figuring it would be useful. He didn't have long to muse on this, as more security drones descended from the ceiling and primed their ion lasers.

' _This is gonna need a quicker fix,_ ' Dante thought. ' _And I got just the thing..._ ' He then mouthed, ' _D_ _ omhantarraingt  _ _tobar_.'

A dense black ball appeared in Dante's hand. He threw it on the floor in the middle of the room, and all hell broke loose. The black ball created a miniature black hole in the room, creating a powerful, swirling vortex that sucked everything into its being; drones, furniture, and the still-partially-on-fire Carnegie found themselves forced roughly about the room by gravitational forces they couldn't hope to stand against before being sucked into the middle. Dante's own magic protected him from the worst of his own spell, but he still felt some of the gravitational pull.

The vortex sucked in everything in the room; the tacky furniture was destroyed easily, but the drones kept piling on as they were sucked into the singularity. Dante tackled Carnegie once again, shoving him directly into the path of the vortex, causing it to reach critical mass.

"Yippie ki-yay, motherfucker." Dante snapped his fingers once again.

** BOOM **

The resulting explosion destroyed the entire top floor of the building.

Dante and Carnegie plummeted from the building, both looking bruised and battered. Unlike Dante, Carnegie was barely clinging to consciousness as the former hero-in-training rode on his back, whooping and hollering like a cowboy on a mechanical bull the whole time. Dante used his magic to slow their descent until they landed safely on the ground instead of splattering into a shower of gore.

"Hey Clarence," Dante said slightly dazed. "Okay, good news: I got Carnegie's master key! Bad news, I'm gonna need a new bowler hat..."

    


	14. Confrontations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dante has some important questions for Regina when he gets back; Devon decides to resort to drastic measures.

Dante stormed through the doorway to Toni's holographic hotel hideout, Clarence following closely behind after exchanging contact info with the people she liberated.

Toni was sat at a table, typing away at her various computers. "You're back," she said. "I take it things went well?"

"Here." Dante curtly threw the Master Key in Toni's direction as he stomped off to his room.

He threw open the door and crawled onto the bed, close to the breaking point. He stared blankly at the ceiling as his emotions flooded back into his brain, the sheer intensity of what he'd heard overwhelming him to the point where he felt it hard to breathe. He glanced at his hands; they were shaking violently. He squeezed his eyelids shut, hoping to gain some kind of clarity of mind since even the talisman seemed insufficient now.

At that point, Regina walked in, talking to her sister on the phone. "Well, you just make sho' you an' Walt don't get too comfy wit' my absence. It should just be a couple mo' days, and y'all can stop ya worryin' -- oh, and don't forget: not a word to _anyone_ 'bout what I told y'all until I say so. Au revoir!" She hung up and noticed her fiancé on the bed. "Dante, you're back! Did you- wait, what's wrong?"

Dante sat up and opened his eyes, his gaze meeting that of his beloved. "Did you know?"

Regina quirked an eyebrow. "Did I know what?"

"My parents," Dante said on the verge of tears. "Did you know about my parents?"

Regina froze in place, her face the picture of shock. "Y-your parents?"

"Carnegie told me everything," Dante replied. A single tear rolled down his cheek. "How I _massacred_ my Mom and Dad when they were just..." Dante wiped another tear from his eye before resting his head in his hands.

Regina sighed. "I was afraid someone from round here'd tell ya."

"Wait," Dante said as he snapped his head up. " _You knew?_ "

Regina looked uneasy. "Well, yeah. We _all_ knew. Anyone killin' their family woulda been big news in a small town like this one was back in the day, let alone someone with such a recognizable family name as yours, and the way Danos went about doin' it..." She stopped, figuring there was no way to finish that sentence without making Dante feel worse.

Dante couldn't take it anymore. He collapsed face-first onto a pillow and let out a loud sob, tears gushing from his eyes in full force. Regina hesitantly walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

Now Dante," Regina paused to think. "I know there ain't much I can say t' make ya feel better; I can't _begin_ to guess what you're feeling right now, but..."

Dante took a deep breath and sat back up to look his fiancé in the eye once again. "When were you planning on telling me this? _Were_ you going to tell me?"

Regina sighed again before moving closer to her fiancé. "How _could_ I? 'Oh, good mornin' Dante. I made ya some fresh jambalaya, the family's comin' ova t' visit, and your evil alternate personality _butchered your parents in cold blood_!' How do you have that conversation with someone, let alone someone you _love_?"

Dante held out his hands pleadingly. "So you were just gonna _keep this from me forever_?" He sighed and looked down. "You _know_ I had to find out eventually."

"Ya think I _liked_ keeping this from ya?" Regina started getting a little teary-eyed herself. "I felt just _awful_ lyin' like that, but I couldn't even _imagine_ what'd happen to ya if ya found out!"

Dante stood abruptly and moved away from Regina. "Oh, you thought I couldn't handle it? **_YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT_**!!!" Dante pulled out his sidearm and pressed the barrel against his temple. "All I do is _FUCK THINGS UP_! Give me ONE GOOD _FUCKING_ REASON WHY I SHOULDN'T!"

Regina inhaled deeply and moved closer to Dante. "Look, ya _can't_ blame y'self for what happened. That was _not_ you. That was Danos; and I know you're convinced that his existence is all your fault, but _it never was_! He was a result of your trauma, and _none of that_ was even _close_ t' bein' your fault! There's a million people you _can_ blame for Danos: Devon Graham for bullying and traumatizing you; the school bureaucrats for putting you in the care of that woefully unqualified school therapist who told you to suppress your emotions -- and who, last I heard, went to prison for faking his credentials; and, of course, that demon who fucked with ya brain and gave your pent-up rage physical form! _None of that was on you!_ "

Regina shoved the gun away from Dante's head and put her hands on her shoulders. "Speaking of Devon Graham, he's on the verge of destroying countless people's lives, and every single one'a those people needs _your_ help to stop him just like ya did to Danos! You wanted a reason not to pull the trigger? Here's your reason: there are people who _need you_ and _depend on you_! There are people who _genuinely care about you_! But y'know what reason I think is _most_ important?" She cupped his face. " _I love you_! I love you will all my heart, and you promised me we'd be together forever! I _refuse_ to allow you to break that promise!"

"You're right. I'm sorry." Dante dropped the gun and pulled Regina into a hug, crying on her shoulder. " _I am so fucking sorry!_ "

"Let it all out," Regina said as she returned the hug. "I know you're goin' through _can't_ be easy, but I'll help you get through it every step of the way. I promise."

\---

"Un. Fucking. _**BELIEVABLE!!!**_ " 

Devon Graham picked up his desk with one hand and hurled it out the window in sheer rage. He looked back at his phone and saw the numbers on various graphs and charts plummet rapidly.

"This can't be FUCKING HAPPENING!" He punched a hole in a wall. "First, they break Reverend Buxton's mind control. _Then_ , they dismantle my entire private militia! _Then,_ that fucking boneless ribeye Carnegie lets my sworn nemesis _slip through his grasp_ and lets him waltz away with the key to my city's economy! What _fucking moron_ leaves the economic information to _an entire city state_ on _one flash drive_ anyway!? I'm gonna crush that moron's windpipe with my bare hands next chance I get..."

He turned his attention toward Edgar Phillips and Seymour Stromwell, who were standing and silently watching his little tantrum this whole time.

"Gentlemen, desperate times call for desperate measures." Graham turned toward Phillips. "I need you to get on the horn to that _one_ little corner of the cosmos that's _guaranteed_ not to turn their backs on us, call in every favor they owe us, and _bust some fucking heads_!"

Phillips thought about these words. "Wait, you don't mean..?"

Graham gave Phillips a backhand slap. "Of _course_ I do, fuckface!"

"You know that's gonna be a massive risk," Phillips said. "Getting _those_ people to side with us completely is like trying to herd cats... y'know, if cats could _make your_ _cock explode with just a thought_!" 

"You'll think of something," Graham said before turning his attention to Dr. Stromwell. "As for your, Doctor, how's that project of yours coming along?"

"The adjustments I have made are 90% complete," Stromwell answered. "It will not be long at all before your _secret weapon_ is ready for use against Dante and his friends."

"Hey, just a question," Vizzini said as he walked in. "If our GDP and stocks and crap are plummeting and what's left of our economy is slowly devolving into a smoldering crater, _how the fuck are we getting paid!?!"_

"Don't worry about it," Devon said. "Until we restore enough order to get our systems working again, you'll be paid out of pocket. Y'see, I decided to keep my own finances separate from the rest of the city because I'm not _stupid enough to think it'd be a good idea to tie every single facet of our economy together on the same software that anyone with even a basic knowledge of coding could hack into with info gained from a **FUCKING FLASH DRIVE!!!**_ "

Devon then pressed a button on his watch, activating the Agony Beam in Khonshu's chamber. The sound of the deity's bloodcurdling scream helped the stress disappear from Devon's mind.


	15. Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the A-plot, our heroes get some much-needed clarity during a rare moment of calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am VERY sorry for the delay! I'm a college senior, so final projects have really been kicking my culo recently, and certain world events happening around this time aint making things easier for me. Again, sorry y'all had to wait so long!

Back in Toni's hotel dimension, Carmenita and Petyr were being briefed on their mission.

"So, you two will be going after Edgar Phillips," Toni explained. "He is Graham's ambassador and liaison to every nation and government across the multiverse that would want to associate with a quasi-dictatorship like this, and since our current actions have left them so desperate that there's only one place we can be sure they'll reach out." Her holographic computer screen played footage from some nightmarish alternate dimension populated by hideous undead abominations ravaging whatever organic life they came across. "This universe's name has long been lost to history, spoken only in some long-dead language nobody on this plane of existence can understand... except for Edgar Phillips. Once he opens the portal and summons those creatures forth, the violence that will ensue will be catastrophic. It's your job to stop him at all costs; if you can't prevent him from opening the portal, stop him from finishing the deal! If you can't do that, leave him stranded in that dimension and close the portal behind him! I have every confidence that you'll pull this off."

Petyr gave a nod. "We will not disappoint."

Carmenita grinned mischievously. "I wonder what his blood will taste like?" She slung a backpack full of supplies over her shoulder and waved goodbye to everyone else as she and Petyr were teleported to Edgar Phillips' base of operations.

"Seems like we got some time," Mari said. "Toni and I will plan our assault on Dr. Stromwell's stronghold; we'll let the rest of you know our plan and how you can help!"

The group dispersed as everyone went back to their quarters. Regina was about to go back to her room when she saw Clarence sitting in the corner of the lobby by herself.

"Hey Clarence." Regina strode over and took a seat next to the Android. "Something on ya mind y'wanna discuss?"

“Well, asides from some new fashion gadgetry ideas,” Clarence began sarcastically. “I have been thinking about something. But, it’s kinda... body acceptance-related.”

"Wanna talk about it?" Regina moved slightly closer. "I promise I won't tell anyone else."

“Well,” Clarence sighed out, leaning back against her seat. “It’s kinda stupid, but...” She looked at Regina. “Do you think I’m a slut?”

Regina looked at her in confusion before speaking. "Oh my God, no! Why would'ja even think that?"

She sighed. “Well, I’ve been hearing some of those jerks say things about me like ‘she’s a corpse’, ‘she’s not white’, ‘she’s a whore’,” She said all of that in perfect imitations of the people who said each sentence’s voices.

“And before you say anything, I know I should just ignore stuff like that - and I try to do exactly that - but...” She shrugged. “I dunno, it’s a bit more... _hurtful_ when it comes from people who’re like Khon’s dad, or whoever.

“I wear what I wear because I _like_ living and being alive. Plus...” She stuck her legs out in a pose. “I like showing off my legs. They’re pretty nice, y’know.”

"They are quite nice," Regina said a bit flustered. "As fo' what those specific people have said about ya... as ya may know, the world has no shortage of assholes and creeps who feel the obsessive need to tear other people down 'cuz that makes 'em feel bettah 'bout themselves. They latch ont' any potential insecurity and use whatever excuse they can to make ya feel less like a genuine person. What ya gotta remember 'bout 'em is A: they're terrible people. They treat everyone like shit. B: They're idiots. If they weren't, they'd know not t' fuck with someone like you. C: They don't know you. Anyone who's really gotten to know ya as a person can see there's so much about ya to appreciate. I mean, there's certainly a reason Jessie and Khonshu fell for ya -- and it ain't just 'cuz of your legs, which to reiterate, are mighty fine."

Clarence smiled, setting her legs down.

“Thanks, Reg.” She said, rubbing her her hands up and down her arms. “I needed to here that.” She hugged the witch; it lasted for a few seconds before she realized something.

“Hey,” She parted from the hug. “Have...have you seen Jessie recently? I don’t remember seeing her at the meeting.”

Regina scratched her chin in thought. "No... no, I don't believe I have. Should I be worried? She said or done something lately that seems off?"

“No, I don’t think so.” Clarence shrugged. “But, knowing her, I think we should be more worried about the other guy.”

**Meanwhile...In The Other Side**

“So,” Jessie sipped her tea, setting it down. She wasn’t wearing her jacket, which exposed her wings as they were just lightly fluttering as she was sitting. “You’re saying that you aren’t mad at your son, Mr. and Mrs. DeMarco?”

There stood Dante's parents, Al and Teresa DeMarco. Al was a stocky Italian-descended man of average height, his gold enchanted armor revealing a weathered face with purple eyes and a bushy black mustache. "How could we be? I've been mad at a lotta things in my life -- mostly politicians and idiot teachers -- but my own son? Never."

Teresa nodded in agreement. She was a tall Irishwoman with reddish-blond hair and teal eyes, and she wore a red shirt with black pants, boots, and vest. "We love our children with all our hearts, but more than that, we know them. We know that Dante would never even THINK of doing something so horrible of his own volition... not to mention that I've also never heard him talk in a German accent."

"When you've spent as much time up here like we have, you get to see what goes on in the lives of your loved ones," Al said. "We've watched as much as we could of our children's lives after what happened to us; I just wish we could come down there and tell them that we're in a better place now and there's no need to carry on the way they have been, but we're not really allowed to interact with the living world like that."

"It just broke my heart to see the other kids cut Dante off from the family," Teresa said. "But we've seen him start his own life for himself, we've watched him fight his demons and win, and we couldn't be prouder."

Jessie smiled despite the twinge of pain in her heart.

“You’re great parents for being so open-minded about what happened all those years ago. You don’t see that a lot in previous generations.” She sipped her tea as Teresa laugh light-heartedly.

"OK, boomer," Al said with a laugh.

"He just heard that phrase for the first time last week, and he's been quoting it nonstop," Teresa explained. "I'm sorry, what did you say you and Dante were doing again?"

“Saving Gooserock from Devon Graham.” She said simply. “Not to brag, but we along with our friends and new allies are doin’ MAJOR damage to Devon.” She snapped her fingers, a nearby cloud displaying footage of the rebellion.

"Hot damn," Al said. "Looks just like Lawrence, Mass!" He laughed as Teresa gave a playful nudge.

"We're very glad Dante has someone like you to call his friend," Teresa said to Jessie. She then looked at her watch and added, "Your time's almost up, kiddo. Tell Dante we love him and we'll always be proud of him."

“Sure thing ma’am.” Setting her tea down, she stood up and was about to exit when she remembered something. “Oh, by the way. Is there... anything you want your kids to have?”

**Meanwhile... with Dante**

He was just sulking in his seat at the hotel’s bar, looking at an old family photo from years ago.

It was from the family's summer vacation at Hampton Beach many years ago -- when Dante was about 15 years old. Brian had Dante in a playful headlock while Dante tried to give his older brother a noogie. Susan and Christopher had Robert triumphantly hoisted on their shoulders as he proudly held up a trophy for a beachball tournament he'd won that day. Michael was giving himself bunny ears with one hand while holding a bottle of Kooba Cola with the other.

"If only they bothered to stick around." Dante sighed as he placed the photo aside and signaled the bartender for another glass of Smithwick's. "Maybe if they saw how much I'd done over this past year alone, we'd be a family again..."

It was at that point that Jessie materialized out of thin air in a plume of multicolored flame.

"Oh hey," Dante said without batting an eye. "Where were you just now?"

The Angellic-Adjacent shrugged, taking a seat next to the former hero-in-training. She set a mysterious suitcase on the table next to her. “Eh, y’know. Here and there.” She sniffed the air, cringing at the smell of alcohol.

“Ugh,” She held her nose. “If I were allergic the mere smell of this junk, I’d be breaking out in a rash and choking right now.”

She spotted the picture on the table. “Aw, was that you as a child? You were _so_ cute back then. Look at that li’l peach fuzz on your face~.”

"Glad someone finds my awkward younger years so amusing." Dante gulped down the rest of his drink before turning his attention to the suitcase. "What's this? A souvenir from your trip to the mysterious beyond?"

“Ehhh...” Jessie hesitated for a moment, trying to find the words. “Kinda... I was actually in heaven for a while.”

Dante knocked over his glass as he reeled from shock. "What the fuck? Did you die? Aw jeez, why doesn't anyone tell me these things?"

Jessie chuckled, smirking in amusement. “I didn’t die, Dant. Even if I did, I’d be a pile of angelic-looking feathers and an eternal fire.”

She cleared her throat. “But, I... overheard your conversation with Regina. About your parents. And since I’m a quarter Angel, I can go to heaven whenever I like; I’ve gone to my father’s workplace just as often as my Uncle Derrack’s, but there aren’t as many memories that I can recall.” She looked from side to side.

“Anyway, I went there and talked to your folks - who are really nice by the way - and they wanted me to tell you that they love you and are always proud of you.”

Jessie opened the suitcase, reaching into it. “They also wanted you to have this.”

“M-my parents?” A tear formed in Dante’s eye as he took it all in. “It can’t be...”

He reached into the case and pulled out two items, both precious heirlooms from either side of his family.

Dante grinned like a child on Christmas morning as he held up his mother’s gift; a black bolo tie with a green brooch shaped like a four-leaf clover; emblazoned on the clover was a red heart being clasped by a pair of white-gloved hands with a gold crown on top.

“This,” Dante said with a laugh, “is the Claddagh of Righteousness; it was the prized possession of my mom’s family. Legend says that when worn, it will increase the power of any magic-user by 100.”

Unable to wait another second, Dante tied it around his neck, elated as he felt the fabric tighten around the collar of his white shirt (he'd changed into a different suit hours beforehand; this one with a purple dinner jacket and black slacks.) He felt nothing at first... but then he felt himself bursting at the seams with power as he emanated an emerald-green glow.

He then held up the other item; a gold-plated sword hilt encrusted with various gemstones. “This is the Blade of Holy Fuckfire, forged by my father after his first victory in the crusade against evil. Whoever wields it will see their power channeled through it, allowing for more concentrated means of attacks.” He placed his free hand on the hilt, causing a three-foot blade of white magic fire to burst forth.

“Jessie, I can’t tell you how much this all means to me! I-I just...” He began crying again, this time tears of joy.

Jessie held the slightly drunken man close, patting his back as she closed the suitcase.

“There, there,” She lightly cooed to him. “Let it all out. Oh, by the way, they have things for your other siblings, but it’s a surprise and not for your eyes. Yet.”

Grinning as widely as possible, Dante grabbed a can of Red Bull and chugged it down to dull the effects of the booze. "Thanks again, amica!" He then dashed down the hall, the power boost from the Claddagh of Righteousness increasing his speed to extents that nearly matched his brother Michael.

Dante ran into the lobby where he almost bumped into what appeared to be Regina. She looked up and asked, "Why Dante, what's all the commotion for?"

"You're not fooling anyone, McGuinness," Dante said curtly albeit good-naturedly. "Would you mind telling me where my _real_ fiancé is?"

"You're no fun," the fake Regina said with a pout before shifting shape into looking just like Dante. "She's just gone into your room after talking to Clarence; why, what's the hurry?"

"Just gotta show her something important," Dante replied.

He ran off to his room and burst through the door. Regina was sat on the bed, looking up leg exercises she could try so her pins would look more like Clarence's. She wasn't jealous or anything...

"Regina, mio amore," Dante said as he carefully set aside his sword. "Our situation just got 10 billion percent better!" He laughed heartily as he picked up his fiancé and spun her around.

"Dante," Regina said with a flustered chuckle, "Whatcha goin' on about?"

Dante gently set her down. "See this?" He gestured to the Claddagh of Righteousness. "And _t_ _his_?" He grabbed the Blade of Holy Fuckfire, watching the flaming blade spring back into existence before placing it aside once more. "These bad boys right here are power amplifying artifacts, courtesy of Miss Jessie Bendrick, and..." He felt another tear form in his eye. "My parents."

Regina's eyes widened as she realized what this meant. "So, you mean she..."

"That's right," Dante said. "Turns out Jessie can travel to the afterlife to talk to the dead, and my loving Mom and Dad hold no ill will over what I -- oops, I mean Danos -- did! They've been watching over me all this time, and..." He dropped to his knees and cried even more. "I'm part of a family again!"

"See?" Regina smiled as she helped her fiancé up. "Ain't that what I been tellin' ya this whole time? Still, I guess ya needed to hear it right from the source..."

Dante returned Regina's smile and held her close. "There are no words to express what I'm feeling just now..."

They held one another for a few more seconds, letting the stillness of the moment take over them.

"So..." Dante said. "We got some time to kill. Do you wanna...?"

Regina playfully shoved him back with a coy smile on her face. "I thought you'd _nevah_ ask, you naughty boy!"

Dante closed the door behind them. _Let's just hope Mom and Dad ain't watching us right now_ , he thought. Fortunately for everyone involved, they weren't.

Dante and Regina spent the next several minutes reaffirming their love for each other and providing an eavesdropping Cherrelsel with some much-needed fuel for her powers.

A little while later, Mari approached Toni as she fervently typed away at her massive computer.

"So," Mari said. "What's the 411?"

"That's probably slang for something," Toni replied. "I don't know what it means, but if you're curious what I'm doing, I've almost got all of the weak points mapped out for Dr. Stromwell's computer system. I just need a little more time, and I'll be able to hack us in and break down all his defenses from the inside!"

"Great," Mari said. "Totally looking forward to it!"

"It won't be easy even under a best-case scenario," Toni said, not even looking at Mari as she kept typing away. "But I have every confidence we'll be able to pull this off."

"Of course," Mari said. "Have you seen our track record? Every time we've gone up against Devon Graham's people, we've kicked their asses up one side of this godforsaken town and back down the other!"

Toni frowned despite herself. "Well, Remember Carmenita and Petyr haven't finished their mission yet."

"I wouldn't worry," Mari said. "They're clever. They're tough. They got this."

A red light blinked on the screen as Toni saw she got a message. "Oh, Carmenita's coming back to the base... but it looks like she's alone."

Mari and Toni exchanged worried looks. Mari asked, "What are you gonna do?"

"I guess I'll just let her in," Toni said. She typed in a combination on her keyboard. All the others gathered around in the lobby as Carmenita appeared before them in a flash of light. Except... something was wrong. She appeared heavily battered and bruised, and her body was covered in bloodstains. Her face was the very picture of terror and despair, and hardly a few seconds went by before she dropped to her hands and knees and cried.

Mari approached the despondent vampire. "W-what's wrong?"

Carmenita looked up at the alien. " _We lost!_ " She let out a mournful sob. "We did everything we could... _but we weren't good enough!_ Edgar Phillips opened the portal and now those demons _are already here!_ "

Surprised, Toni looked at one of her screens, scrolling through her various calculations about the likelihood of this outcome. She couldn't believe it. "This... this shouldn't have happened! We planned for every contingency! And wait -- where's Petyr?"

Carmenita stood up and wiped the tears from her face. She glared at Toni. "Oh, you wanna know where Petyr is?" She fought back tears as she reached into her backpack, pulled out Petyr's disembodied head, and threw it at Toni's feet. "He's gone." The tears came back. "He's dead and _it's all because of me!_ "

Everyone stared silently in horror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks GrandeFan for your help!


	16. The Storm, Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes are divided into teams to combat the threat that Edgar Phillips poses.

Cherrelsel thought to herself. She was a demon indeed, on of Sixer's more powerful demons due to mobility and the substance her body made up. Even still, she wished Watership had arrived due to his innate strength. She we would need more power, either from light or more lust in the air. Both would take too long unless there was something special around. She shook her head with a strange gurgling noise.

"Take it easy," Regina said as she put a hand on Cherrelsel's shoulder. "We'll get this all figured out soon."

"Carmenita," Jessie approached the vampire slowly, holding her close. She distinctively chose to ignore the head of the dead Petyr. "Carmenita, it's gonna be okay. Here," She pulled out a can of PGB, handing it off to the distraught woman. "Drink this. From the looks of it, I think you need it." Carmenita said nothing as she took the can, drinking it in silence.

Clarence approached Toni, who was still checking the cameras. "Toni, you got anything?"

"To put it lightly, it's absolute chaos," Toni responded. "See for yourself." She moved so the others would see the camera footage on the monitors.

She wasn't far off. All hell had broken loose. Repulsive demons whose very presence defied the laws of reality in ways no one could describe ravaged the streets, tearing through buildings like wet paper and devouring every living thing that entered their field of vision. Our heroes watched this carnage unfold before a Xenomorphic beast leered at the camera observing it and swallowed it whole, cutting the feed.

"We don't have much time," Toni said. "Every one of you need to get out there and stop this carnage however you can! No matter what happens, we have to keep fighting!"

Dante reached for his blade. "Am I to assume you planned for this?"

"Indeed I have," Toni said. "Dante, Cherrelsel, Jessie, and Mikey, go out and kill as many of those monsters as you can! Clarence, Regina, Carmenita, find Edgar Phillips and force him to reopen the portal to get those creatures out of our dimension! Mari and I will stay here and see if we can break through Dr. Stromwell's defenses. Once we do that, Devon Graham will be wide open for a direct attack."

"You got it!" Jessie nodded, summoning a can of PGB and opening the lid...before shoving the whole thing into her mouth, chewing, and swallowing before repeating the same process for about another five cans or so.

"You should be lucky that you have a demon gullet, Jess." Clarence muttered, helping Carmenita stand. "Alright, Carm, Reg. You two gals ready to go into stealth mode?"

"Way ahead of ya," Regina said as she mentally prepared some spells.

Carmenita trembled with rage as she gave her response. "Edgar Phillips will not get away with what he's done."

"Guess I'll be going on offense," Dante said as he unleashed the Blade of Holy Fuckfire. "Mikey, you ready for this?"

"Born ready," the shapeshifter said as he changed into his superhero form.

They all gave each other knowing looks.

"Toni," Dante said. "We're ready."

With that, Toni typed a code into her computer that transported our heroes into the epicenter of the chaos unfolding in the streets.Dante, Mikey, Jessie, and Cherrelsel found themselves in a part of the city that looked like a bomb had been dropped. They split up to search their surroundings. There was no sign of life anywhere; the only evidence of prior occupation were decimated buildings and a car parked precariously by the side of a cliff.

"I think Toni got the coordinates messed up," Dante said. "There's nothing here." He casually leaned against the car, sending it plummeting off the cliff with a thunderous CRASH, followed by the blare of a car alarm.

"Oops," Dante said sheepishly as the others glared at him.

Suddenly, another noise added to the cacophony; a disgusting, gurgling howl unlike any animal native to this dimension. The howl was soon followed by hundreds of identical ones. The heroes looked and saw hundreds of hideous creatures coming at them from beneath the rubble and behind the walls of the buildings. They were roughly humanoid in shape, but had fanged mouths, clawed hands, scaly green skin, and were each covered in hundreds of eyes. Some had horns on their heads.

"Well that ain't good," Dante said.

The creatures then started firing lasers out of their collective thousands of eyes -- lasers hot enough to melt the pavement beneath their feet to bubbling tar.

"And neither is that," Mikey said.

Jessie threw her jacket into the air, distracting the creatures long enough for her to spread her wings and fly towards some of them. She managed to summon her chains as she gracefully dodged the lasers and even managed to get some of them to shoot at each other.

“Haha!” Jessie laughed triumphantly, riding on the red blood cell high she was on. “Hey guys,” She called out to the men. “Are ya gonna join me, or do I have to do all the work here?”

“You know I can’t let you have ALL the fun!” Dante readied his flaming blade and charged at the monsters, slicing them to bits before they could touch him.

Mikey, meanwhile, used his hero form’s superpowers to his advantage; he pounded several into the ground, punched a few more into orbit, spun at superhuman speeds to deflect lasers back at whoever fired them, and even grabbed ten of them and flew them into the stratosphere before letting go and watching them drop.

Dante looked at Cherrelsel. “What’s the matter? Need a power boost?”

She nodded, jewel eyes sparkling.

Mikey looked at her. "You're the lust-powered one, right?" He continued talking as he fought off the creatures. "Well, I'm sorry to say but you're outta luck. These creatures we're fighting? I've studied them for my interstellar biology class. Their species is the Danvoba castocki. They reproduce asexually and are driven primarily by hunger. They burn living things to a crisp with their heat vision and then consume the charred husks by absorbing them through the fingertips. Very fascinating species."

"Yeah, whatever you say, David Attenborough," Dante said as he rammed his sword through one castocki's stomach. "Maybe save the bio lecture for when we're not fighting for our goddamn lives!"

The castocki, as they were, just kept coming in droves no matter how many our heroes put down. A rather large one was about to pounce on Dante from behind... only to get ripped in half by machine gun fire.

Everyone looked at the source of the bullets; Alan Joseph was seated at a machine gun turret atop an armored vehicle piloted by Charlie Hungerdunger.

"Jessie," Alan called out. "We were just riding by; figured you guys could use some help!"

The Angellic-Adjacent laughed giddily, snapping the head of one of the castockis in her grasp, flying towards their allies.

“Alan! Charlie! That was perfect timing!” Jessie pecked the men on the cheeks, ripping out the throat of a castocki when it tried to attack them. “Thanks for that. I take it you two aren’t the only ones here, though, right?”

"What commander would I be if I came here alone?" Alan snapped his fingers; the backdoor of the heavy vehicle opened, and about two dozen robots mounted with Agony Beams poured out. The automatons began to open fire on each and every castocki that entered their fields of vision. As more and more of the hideous creatures charged forth, Hungerdunger put the vehicle back in drive and mowed down as many of the monsters as he could as Alan loaded more rounds into the heavy machine gun.

The vehicle drove back toward Jessie, running over a castocki that had already been grievously injured by the angel-adjacent. "We're sending a message," Hungerdunger explained. "We've decided we're done playing along with Devon's little operation." He whipped out a pump-action shotgun and blew the head off a castoki that was running toward his open window. "He can consider this our resignation letter."

"More like an honorable discharge," Alan said as he noticed a herd of five castockis charging the truck from behind. Without missing a beat, he ripped a pin out of an incendiary grenade and threw it at the monsters, bracing himself as the creatures were bathed in a geyser of multicolored fire. "With extreme prejudice."

“Mind if I ask what that message is?” Jessie asked, setting about a dozen of the castockis on fire.

"It's quite simple, really," Alan said as he mowed down about a few dozen more castockis. "We've been willing to put up with a lot of his bullshit orders without asking questions, but selling out our world to these nightmarish abominations? FUCK YOU!" He drew out those last two words, firing off two more rounds of ammo as he did so. "We were gonna pretend to be loyal to him for a little while longer, but the minute he put all of humanity in danger, ALL! BETS! WERE OFF!!!" He sprayed more bullets in the direction of the charging creatures, not ceasing fire until all he saw were deceased. "Far as he's concerned, we're on your team now, Jessie."

Jessie cackled, holding her sides while she was in midair.

“Oh, man.” She wiped away a tear. “I wish I could see the look on his face right now. As well as the tantrum that’s bound to follow.”

Meanwhile, back at Devon's headquarters, a grand piano was sent crashing through the recently-replaced floor-to-ceiling window of the villain's main office. Screaming incoherently, the large man grabbed his new desk and smashed it to splinters before going on to punch and strangle his indestructible blow-up doll that had a picture of Dante's face taped to it.

"I'll see if I can get you some security footage to watch later," Hungerdunger said. "Right now, let's focus on getting these freaks off our planet!"

Before anyone could say and do more, our heroes felt a long shadow cast overhead as a low droning noise overpowered their hearing. The remaining castockis looked upward before fleeing in blind terror.

Dante let out a barely audible "What the fuck?" He and the others looked up.

The shadow was cast by hundreds of hideous flying creatures. They were vaguely humanoid in shape but had massive, insect-like wings. As they landed, the heroes got a greater look at the creatures. Their skin was basalt gray and very solid in texture. They had sunken, jaundiced, bloodshot eyes with slit-shaped pupils, and glowing green bile dripped out of their gaping mouths full of deformed, crooked teeth. Some had blue hair, while others had green. Some had six fingers per hand, while others only had three. Some had bulky, burly bodies, while others had sickly and anorexic frames.

"Well this just got more interesting," Mikey said.

"I repeat," Dante said. "Fuck! What the?"

"I've studied this species too," Mikey responded. "They're Belmarobian wigrecojins."

"You gotta be making this shit up," Dante said exasperatedly.

Mikey continued. "They're closely related to Parademons of Apokolips. Humans and castockis are their natural prey, and they're literally sexually attracted to violence. They lay their eggs in the corpses of their victims, so killing really gets their juices pumping, so to speak. Judging by the way they're looking at us, I'd say they've got some... really interesting ideas in mind for us."

Dante rolled his eyes. "Hey, smart guy, wanna tell me why you're dumping all this info on us now?"

"Glad you asked," Mikey said. "They're driven by a disturbingly literal bloodlust, and who do we know uses lust prodigiously in her powers?"

Everyone cast glances at Cherrelsel.

Cherrelsel looked back and grinned. "Lust, light, beams. I can draw power from all. Including lust for power, blood, or flesh."

"Very useful indeed," Dante said before one of the scrawnier -- yet deceptively strong -- charged him at lightning speed and tackled him into the ground. The creature licked its lips before repeatedly extending its long, razor sharp tongue right at Dante -- who just managed to avoid touching the repulsive thing.

"You wanted lust?" Dante called out to Cherrelsel. "There ya fucking go! This goddamn thing is trying to French me to death."

Mikey glanced awkwardly. "This probably isn't a good time to mention that's not its tongue..."

Cherrelsel took the chance and began to eat the creature out, then began to drain it as the creature struggled with the overwhelming feelings until it was noting but skin and bones in under ten seconds.

Dante lay slack-jawed in disbelief at the sight before him. All he managed to get out was an awestruck "Mingya!"

Mikey then helped Dante back up and gave him his sword back. Dante collected himself and gave Cherrelsel an approving look. "You're an invaluable ally," Dante said. "Now what do you say we use that power of yours to put an end to this little infestation?"

"That'll be easier said than done," Alan Joseph shouted as he emptied the last of his ammunition at a wigrecojin bolting right at him. "I just pumped this damn thing with more lead than a toy from Mattel, and it's still breathing!"

"That's because conventional weapons like bullets have no effect on them," Mikey informed him. "They're vulnerable only to magic users -- which, fortunately, most of us are. Agony beams will also do in a pinch, but it takes a continuous stream to slow them down."

"Now you fucking tell me!" Alan Joseph was desperately struggling to force the wigrecojin off of him while about four more were tearing at the armored vehicle beneath him. He then spoke into his wrist communicator. "Hungerdunger, how are you holding up?"

"Not good, Alan!" Hungerdunger had just finished searching around for anything he could use against the hellish monstrosities scratching at his door. "I don't have any weapons strong enough to take these fucking things on, and they're ripping through the armor plating like it was made of Kleenex!"

At that moment, the wigrecojins burst through the back hatch of the vehicle and advanced on Charlie Hungerdunger. He collapsed to the floor and closed his eyes... only to open them seconds later to find Dante slicing through the slavering creatures with his Fuckfire Blade.

"Wouldn't be right of me to leave Jessie's friend in the lurch," Dante said as he led Hungerdunger safely out of the vehicle.

"Hey, that's nice and all, but I could use some help here!" Alan thought he had finally forced the wigrecojin off of him, but it charged right back and bit his right hand clean off. Reeling from shock, Alan bolted out of his seat and fell off the top of the vehicle. As soon as he made contact with the ground, four other wigrecojins surrounded him and began to maul him.

” _ **ALAN!!!!**_ ”

Jessie flew towards Alan as fast as she could, ripping the wigrecojins’ heads off in one swipe. Looking down, she saw Alan, still somewhat conscious and very bloody from the mauling, laying on the ground.

“Alan?” Jessie knelt by his side, holding his head in her lap. “Alan?! Alan, are you there?!”

Alan groaned as he tried to sit up. "I'm really fucked up, but I'll live," he assured her.

Hungerdunger ran over to his friend and slowly picked him up. "He's losing a lot of blood; I'll need to get him to safety. You know any place where I can take him?"

"Yeah," Dante answered him as he stabbed a wigrecojin in the face. "Our friend Toni has a hideout in a pocket dimension where we go to recuperate after battle. They've got state-of-the-art medical supplies for any serious injury. Here." Dante typed a message on his phone. "I just sent Toni a message telling her to let you in, but you've got to make sure you're in a secluded area before she opens the door. Take a couple of robots to cover you and get as far away from here as you can."

Hungerdunger nodded as he carried Alan away, two armed robots flanking them as they made their escape.

"Okay, I think it's time for us to stop fucking around." Dante charged toward a pack of wigrecojins, slicing them to ribbons. A rather large one was about to attack Dante from behind, but it was thrown on its back by a robot's Agony Beam before Mikey ran up to it and kicked its head clear off its shoulders like a soccer ball.

"Who's the dangerous predator now, ya bitch?" Mikey grinned and folded his arms. "Anyone else need help here? How about Cherrel..." He looked over and saw Cherrelsel having made a meal of several dozen wigrecojins while everyone else was distracted. "Okay, I can see you're all good. How 'bout you, Jessie?"

Jessie didn’t respond, instead she was still in the same position as she was in before, looking down at the blood on her hand. She began breathing heavily, her expression twisted from one of concern to sheer terror.

"Jessie!" Dante ran over and put a hand on Jessie's shoulder. "Jessie, what's the matter?"

Jessie, without thinking, turned her left hand into a black claw and swiped at Dante.

“ _GET AWAY FROM ME!!!_ ” She practically screeched out, eyes wide and pupils to the size of pinpricks.

Dante hurriedly backed away. "What the fuck is going on?" He briefly turned away to slash a wigrecojin in half diagonally. He turned back in time to see Jessie was scooting away from him, eventually leaning up against a piece of wall, looking terrified at Dante.

“St-Stay away from me!” Jessie yelled, shaking like a leaf.

“Aw shit,” Dante said. “This ain’t gonna end well...”

“Especially not since there’s another swarm of wigrecojins flying our way,” Mikey said as he pointed up at the creatures slowly flying toward them. “Even worse, that migration matters signifies that their queen is nearby.”

Dante sighed. “Fan-fucking-tastic.”

Jessie breathed in heavily, her chest heaving in and out.

“Why are you here?” She asked. “You aren’t supposed to be here!”

“Well, I’ve known her long enough to trust her at her word when she gives these warnings. And so...” Dante turned and bolted as far and as fast as his legs could carry him, Mikey and Cherrelsel not far behind. It was not long before they were completely out of sight.

After a few beats of silence, which were filled by only the sound of Jessie’s heavy breathing, she eventually calmed down. Closing her eyes and sighing heavily, she wiped off Alan’s blood off her hand - which took about five or so wipes to do so - and threw them behind her, out of her line of sight.

“Dear Ev, Zakriel, and Azalea,” Jessie muttered, standing up from the ground. “I can’t believe I just had a panic attack.”

She buried her head in her hands, groaning. “I must’ve scared Dant, Mike, and Cherry Pie...”

Spreading her wings, Jessie began flying after them, hoping to explain herself with as few details into her life as possible.

Speaking of those three, they had made their way to an alley behind an abandoned building that they figured was a fair distance away.

Mikey panted heavily. “Alright, Dante, now it’s my turn to ask you what the fuck is going on!”

Dante caught his breath. “Well, Jessie is an angel-adjacent with some demon in her, so she’s not the type of person you’d be able to piss off without getting mauled. She does NOT hold back!”

Mikey took a closer look at Dante’s face. “Hey, have you seen a mirror lately? Cuz, Y’know...”

Dante pulled out his phone and looked at his reflection in the camera app. Jessie’s claw swipe had left three slanted scars on the right side of his face just below the eye. “Damn,” Dante said. “Now I look like a fucking gangsta! I should thank her when I see her next.”

“Here’s your chance,” Mikey said. They all looked up and saw Jessie flying towards them. She spotted them and touched down on the ground right before them.

“Guys, guys,” Jessie panted, leaning against a wall for balance; she was feeling a little dizzy from all the heavy breathing from earlier.

“Guys, I am so sorry about earlier! I just-“ Jessie paused, noticing Dante’s scars. “Oh, Zakriel, Dante, I am so sorry about that! I was having a panic attack and- and-“

“Please, don’t worry about it,” Dante said. “I’ll just tell everyone it was one of those creatures that attacked us. Besides, not gonna lie, but I’m kinda liking the way it looks. Now, what was it you were saying?”

“I...” Jessie trailed off, looking uncomfortable for a moment before she resumed talking. “I was having a panic attack. Y’see, I have a... _thing_ about human blood. I can’t stand looking at it, especially when it’s on me. It triggers my brain and sometimes a panic attack.

“What happened to you was only a minor dose of that. So,” Jessie scratched at the back of her neck, looking to the floor. “I’m sorry if I scared you all.”

"No worries," Dante said as they exited the alley. "Years of dealing with Danos have completely burned out my fear receptors anyway."

The group turned to head back to where they were before, only to see a small army of wigrecojins flying toward them.

"Ah," Dante said. "I see they haven't learned their lesson!" He readied his sword as our other heroes prepared themselves for round two...

Except, to their surprise, the creatures had stopped advancing on them. They stopped dead in their tracks and just silently stared in the direction of the four.

"The fuck?" Dante quirked an eyebrow. "Why aren't they attacking?"

He got his answer when everyone heard Mikey scream at the top of his lungs. They all looked back at him. He had been impaled straight through the chest by the long, sharp tongue of a wigrecojin standing directly behind him... except this one was twice as tall as the others and had six arms. It also had four eyes glowing a piercing red, and numerous sharp horns grew out of the crown of its head.

It was the Queen.

Everyone stared in horror. Mikey was so in shock he could barely move. It was a few seconds before he mustered the strength of will to speak. "Guys..." He was interrupted by a cough that sent blood droplets flying out of his mouth. "Guys, save yourselves! You've got to get o-"

He didn't get to finish the sentence before the wigrecojin queen retracted its tongue, pulling Mikey into her mouth and clamping down hard enough to sever his arms and legs from his body. Our heroes couldn't react fast enough to stop the shapeshifter from being ground into a meaty paste between the creature's powerful jaws.

No," Dante said quietly as he trembled in place. He dropped to his knees as tears formed in his eyes. "MIKEY!!!"

Jessie was in horror at what she had just witnessed; the death of a kind, innocent man right in front of her.

Jessie felt her nausea kicking in, as well as an idea. Holding her hands against her mouth, she quickly turned to Dante and Cherrelsel. “Guys, look away.”

When they turned their head away, Jessie proceeded to throw up on the queen’s face... which was beginning to melt her face off the creature began screeching in agony.

“I guess-” Jessie spat out the remains of her vomit, which began eating at the piece of rubble it landed on. “I guess ‘s a good thing that I throw up highly corrosive and flammable acid.” She made a hand motion, a fireball appearing in her left hand.

With a flick of the wrist, the fireball made contact with the queen, setting her ablaze.

“ _ **THAT WAS FOR MIKEY!!!!**_ ”

"Damn." Dante beheld the spectacle in front of him.

The queen thrashed about, slamming into buildings and pounding at the ground in a feeble attempt to put out the fire, but her struggling only made the flames grow stronger. The searing pain from the flames and acid became far too much for her body to handle. She began to break apart, sections of her body melting away one at a time until all that remained was a withered husk.

"Well fuck," Dante said as he approached what was once the wigrecojin queen. "Rot in hell, you horrid bitch!" He kicked the corpse before turning towards Jessie. "We may not have known him that well, but he was a good man, and thanks to you, he did not die in vain."

“Well,” Jessie looked back at Dante, smirking. “He doesn’t _have_ to remain dead.”

Dante tilted his head to the side. "Say what now?"

“ _Well_ ,” Jessie drew out the word, leaning on one leg. “My father, Sorath’s an angel, right?”

"You mean...?" A note of frail hope was detected in Dante's voice.

“Yup,” Jessie nodded, smiling. “As long as the death was within an hour and I have a big enough sample of that person’s DNA, I can bring them back from the dead.”

“So,” Jessie began. “You wanna revive him?”

"Fuck yeah!" Dante then realized something. "Wait, will we have enough of his DNA? How much do you need?"

“About the size of the hand.” Jessie shrugged.

Dante grabbed Mikey's severed arm. "Ready when you are."

Jessie gagged at the arm, but managed to swallow the bile down.

“Oh, ho, ho-kay.” Jessie chuckled uncomfortably. “Maybe _not_ raise the bloody side of that thing towards the person with acid vomit, mkay?”

"Of course," Dante said as he lowered the arm.

“Ugh,” Jessie groaned, managing a weak smile. “Thanks, Dant. Now, just put it down in front of me so I can do my thing.”

Dante did as he was told, eagerly waiting to see how Jessie would revive their friend. He then realized something. "Wait, shouldn't we also worry about the other..." He looked over and saw Cherrelsel happily scarfing down the last remaining wigrecojin. "Never mind."

Jessie took in a breath, letting it out slowly as she closed her eyes. Putting the palms of her hands together, she began rubbing them together, white sparks of energy emitting from the friction. She pulled her hands apart, two white balls of energy hovering over her palms. She opened her eyes, which were white with power.

A small burst of energy came from the Angellic-Adjacent, pushing Dante and Cherrelsel away by a few feet. A few small bits of rubble and stone began floating, as well as Jessie herself. Her ponytail became undone, letting it flow like a river as she spread her wings out. A bright light shone from somewhere behind her.

She took some air steps forward, stopping just in front of Mikey’s severed arm; the sight of blood not bothering her due to the immense amount of power flowing through her veins, nullifying her human instincts. She pointed her palms at the body part, blasting the limb with all that power, blinding everyone within sight range.

After a few seconds, everything went back to normal. Jessie walked by Dante saying, “If you have any extra clothes for Mikey, you might wanna give ‘em to him. He needs them more than you right now.”

Cherrelsel made a satisfied noise, both by her accomplishments of demon murder and looking at Mikey's now reformed body.

Mikey had returned in his normal, ivory-skinned form. "What the fuck? Did I just die?" Mikey looked down at himself and, as if on instinct, created a new suit seemingly out of thin air. "Wait a minute... did I just shapeshift this outfit into existence? A-and I'm talking in my normal form? Wow, whatever you did to resurrect me must've boosted my shapeshifting powers! Wait, let me see if I can..." He transformed his arm into a Gatling gun and fired several rounds into a nearby castocki. "I couldn't manifest complex weapons before now." He turned to Jessie. "Thank you. You have no idea how much it means that I get another chance."

Jessie stopped walking, pausing as she took in Mikey’s words.

“...you were unfairly taken away from life,” Said the Angellic-Adjacent. “I only did what was right.”

She continued walking, just about to turn a corner when the shapeshifter became curious about her reaction to human blood.

"Hey, look at me," Mikey said after turning into Dante. "I'm Dante! I recklessly lead his close friends into certain death! Since I'm such an asshole, I'm gonna bluntly ask why you have such a problem with human blood!"

The real Dante groaned and rubbed his forehead. He's gonna need to bake a LOT of babkas to make up for his mistake...

Jessie flinched at the question, staying perfectly still for a second.

“...let’s just say that because of the trauma I went through at age eight, I can’t consume strawberry cake anymore.” Jessie stated flatly, rounding the corner as she left the other three members in a mixture of confusion, interest, and unease.

They followed after her, albeit keeping a respectable distance. As they did so, Dante placed a hand on Mikey's shoulder. "What the fuck was that shit earlier?"

Mikey transformed back into himself and turned around. "Well, Dante, I'm not usually one to point fingers, but you're kinda the one who led me into that mess to begin with!"

"Oh come on!" Dante gave Mikey a hard shove. "How is any of that my fault? You think I wanted you to get eaten by that fucking beast? All I've been trying to do is help you people take back your town from Devon and his cronies!"

"Yeah, real bang-up job you did there," Mikey said. "If you hadn't run and taken us to this spot when Jessie had her little panic attack, we wouldn't have been in a position to have that Queen ambush us!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Dante said. "I have spent YEARS being unfairly blamed for the wanton death and destruction brought on by my evil alter! I can't tell you how many nights I've lay awake wracked with guilt over something I had no control over! For fuck's sake, I nearly put a bullet in my brain over it! Would it kill you to have some tact?"

"Oh, poor you," Mikey said, his voice dripping with condescension. "You have to put up with people being mad at you? Cry me a river! Try fucking dying and then tell me how much your problems really matter!"

Dante groaned again. "News flash Mikey: you're not dead anymore! And this just in: thanks to my friend, you're more powerful than ever, so I don't know what you're bitching about!"

Mikey couldn't take it anymore. He let loose with a roaring " **FUCK YOU!!!** "

His scream of obscenity was so loud that it alerted every other interdimensional monstrosity to the heroes' location.

"So," Dante said as the varuious eldritch horrors closed in around him. "Remind me again, which one of us is the one that puts people in danger?"

"Whoopsie," Mikey said with a nervous chuckle.

"We can argue later," Dante said as he and the other geared up for a fight. "Let's just hope Regina, Clarence, and Carmenita can get these fucking things back to their own dimension."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks SXR and Grande Fan for your contributions! I couldn't have done it without you!


	17. The Storm, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarence, Regina, and Carmenita fight for their lives against their most dangerous foe yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO VERY SORRY about the delay! I would've posted sooner, but life got in the way.

Regina, Clarence, and Carmenita were hunkered in the relative safety of the armored vehicle Regina had commandeered when she infiltrated Alan Joseph’s base. Carmenita drove quickly, navigating the winding, pothole-strewn, debris-filled streets that would have been a nightmare to drive on even if there weren’t otherworldly monstrosities leaving a trail of death and destruction in their wake.

Castockis and wigrecojins were scattered here and there, but those were just the start of the Eldritch horrors that Edgar Phillips had unleashed. The landscape was swarming with rabid were-animals, giant arachnid creatures, screeching wraiths, hideous tentacled beings with gaping maws, shambling undead beasts, and amorphous black blobs that devoured everything in their paths.

All things considered, people visiting from Holyoke or Lynn would feel right at home.

Regina sat at a turret atop the vehicle, blasting any monsters she saw about to harm innocent people with bullets that she had augmented with her magic. Each creature she saw fell to the doses of hot lead she pumped into them, and creatures immune to bullets found themselves destroyed by either one of Regina’s magic fire grenades or the occasional laser blast courtesy of Clarence.

“Not that I don’t mind the scenic tour a’ the place,” Regina said over the communicator given to her, “but is there any chance ya can speed things up just a bit? We can’t be too far away.”

“Yeah,” Carmenita responded somewhat uncomfortably. “If I remember the path Petyr and I took last time, we should be there in no time.” She then turned to Clarence. “Before we continue, you wouldn’t happen to have any... vulnerabilities to magic, do you?”

“Uh,” Clarence didn’t expect that question. “Well, Jess and I worked together as partners in the traditional and romantic sense in our gang days for a few years, and a part of my updating included increased durability.

“And my main power source, Starrium, doesn’t seem to have any kind of reaction to magic, so, no. I don’t think so.” She paused to blast at a few wigrecojins. “Why do you ask?”

Carmenita hesitated before answering. “Well, it’s just that, when Petyr and I infiltrated Phillips’ lair before, he... had this weird power over us. I can’t describe it, but it just felt like... these things were watching us this whole time. It was like we weren’t really in control of what we were doing or experiencing. And, what he did to Petyr when he got close... I’m too horrified to even say it.”

Clarence put a hand on Carmenita’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m sure whatever happened to you and Petyr was horrible. But remember this, I’m an android; that means I can’t be affected by some things the same way as organic beings.”

“Plus, I have a class A-9 firewall protection system. It’ll take a _lot_ to break through defenses like mine.” Clarence’s talisman began glowing, a glow that spread to the vampire. “Just keep your head up, we’re gonna win and save everyone. Do it for Petyr.”

Carmenita nodded solemnly. "For Petyr."

A few short minutes later, the three women arrived at the location; a 3-story high brick building built right on the coast. It had a few opaque windows on the front and was surrounded by a barb wire fence.

Regina got off the top of the vehicle and descended next to the driver's side. "So, I take it this'll be the place?"

"Yeah," Carmenita responded. Just the very sight of the otherwise unremarkable building sent chills down the vampire girl's spine. "Uh, maybe we should..."

The sentence went unfinished as, in the blink of an eye, the three women found themselves on the other side of the fence, right at the front door with the vehicle they were just in several meters away.

"Okay," Regina said. "That's more'n a lil' creepy, but we got this! We just gotta stick t'getha, find that crazy bastard, and send these nightmare creatures back to whatever obscure corner'a the universe what gave 'em life." The front door opened by itself. "Alright, on three, we all go in at once! Ready? One..."

They all stepped on the front step in unison.

"Two..."

Another step.

"Three."

At once, they strode through the open doorway... but the split second they did so, they vanished in a flash of light.

Clarence couldn't tell what happened. In the time it took her to blink, she went from right at the front door to being in a strange room all by herself. The room was stark white from top to bottom and totally empty of any windows, furniture, and appliances. All she saw was a steel door on the wall directly in front of her.

The android just sighed, shaking her head at the situation.

“Look,” She began, mildly annoyed. “I’m not sure if you’re Devon, Edgar, Amon-Ra, Dr. Stromwell, or someone else, but I don’t have time for this. Can you just let me and friends go?”

“Ah, you’ve awakened.” A deep voice echoed throughout the room, but Clarence was the only one there and there was no intercom system. “I apologize for the lateness of my introduction. When I was but a human archaeologist, I went by the name of Edgar Phillips. Suffice it to say, I found I’m a much different person since I tapped into the ethereal plane and beheld the cosmic secrets no mortal was ever prepared to witness... however, since the name bestowed upon me by the Great Old Ones is unpronounceable in this mortal realm, I suppose Edgar will do for now.

“And you, of course, must be Clarence de Fernandez. I’ve been expecting you. It disappoints me that you wish to cut this little visit short, but if you insist...” The metal door opened by itself, revealing a black void on the other side. “What kind of host would I be to stop you? Your salvation lay ahead, but... well, I’d be on my guard if I were you. We certainly wouldn’t want anything to happen to you or your _loved ones_ , now would we?”

From the shadows beyond the door, Clarence heard Khonshu’s unmistakable voice screaming in excruciating pain.

“Oh dear,” Edgar’s voice said in mock surprise. “That sounds urgent.”

Clarence growled to herself, clenching her fists.

“First off, my name is _Clarencia_ de Fernandez. Not _Clarence_ de Fernandez; it was my grandmother’s name, so show some respect for the name!

“Secondly, I have no idea what type of cult you’re a part of, but you sound sane enough to hear this.”

Clarence took in a breath, preparing herself for her next words.

“I want to make a deal.”

"A deal? My, how forward," Edgar's voice echoed. "I'm listening."

“It’s more of an offer, really,” Clarence shrugged. “But it’s one I think you and Devon might like.”

She pointed towards the source of Khonshu’s screaming. “You’ve been draining my boyfriend of his power for the past few days or so, right?”

"Among other things, yes," Edgar admitted as if he weren't confessing to accessory to torture. "We need his power to fuel our little plan to expand Devon's reign across the land... The agony beam is just a bonus to prevent him from doing anything stupid which, if his father is to be believed, happens a lot."

“Well, what if I told you that you didn’t need his power?” Clarence could feel her pistons pumping faster and faster, despite her calm exterior.

“What if I could offer you something much stronger than an Egyptian god’s power?”

"Stronger than an Egyptian god, you say?" Edgar's voice raised an octave. "Granted, it's no surprise that there are power sources stronger than your Lover Boy over there, but do go on..."

“Well...” Clarence trailed off, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger. “You see, I _would_ do that, but y’know, since your the bad guy here, I’ll need to see you so you aren’t lying to my face.”

"Oh, of course," Edgar said with a polite chuckle. "How silly of me..."

The lights came on in the dark room, revealing Edgar sitting in a plush armchair in front of a fireplace, a pipe firmly grasped in one hand.

"Have no fear," Edgar said casually. "Please, come in."

Not that she had a choice; in the blink of an eye, Clarence found herself in the room with the fireplace, the metal door slamming shut behind her.

"Please allow me to introduce myself," Edgar said as he stood from his seat. "I'm a man of wealth and taste." He gestured for Clarence to take a seat in the armchair on the opposite side of the fireplace. "Now, what's this you were saying about a deal?"

Clarence still stood in her spot, refusing the offer to sit for the 87% chance of getting locked into it.

“Well,” The android began. “Like I said before, it’s more of an offer. You know who I am - even with the mispronunciation of my name,” She muttered under her breath. “So, I’m assuming you know that I’m an android and not an organic, right?”

“I know many things about you,” Edgar responded as he sauntered over to a mini-bar to pour himself a Scotch. “At 30 years of age, you not only run a successful fashion-gadget company, but you’ve also played a tremendous role in helping that blowhard Dante DeMarco bring an end to his evil alter-ego’s reign of terror.” Edgar took a satisfying sip before continuing. “That’s not all. I also know you were once a human girl who perished in an accident and was revived as an automaton by your loving parents who saw fit to give you a Starrium power source. You’d spent a considerable portion of your life in a gang, and though you’ve long left behind the reprobate lifestyle, you sustain a strong bond with your ex-girlfriend and former partner-in-crime, a Miss Jessie Bendrick. Speaking of romance, I know you’re madly in love with Amon-Ra’s adopted son, Khonshu. Tell me, was that all correct or am I getting my signals mixed up again?”

“Well, you got most of it right, ya stalker.” Clarence rolled her eyes, mildly disturbed at how well Edgar knew her past and at how dense he is.

“I’ll have you know that Khonshu and I are dating, and that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend.” She flipped her hair for dramatic effect. “Also, since you know about my power source, that’s actually what I want to offer you. If you’re willing to listen to my terms, of course.”

"Oh of course," Edgar responded calmly. "Anyone with access to Starrium has nothing to fear from us. I'm sure in your home dimension, you can find it in any corner drugstore, but here, it's a bit harder to come by. Ahem. Forgive me for being forward. What were those terms of yours?"

“Actually, Starrium is highly rare and can only be found in my universe’s space. Exactly like the Red and Blue Core energies.” Clarence clarified.

She shook her head, continuing with her original line of thought. “My terms are simple. I’ll give you my power source, which is Starrium, _if_ you give Khonshu his powers back, let everyone else go, get those **monsters** off of this planet, and tell Devon to bring him and his crew here.”

Clarence breathed in through her nose, slowly letting it out. She turned around, saying, “I’ll give you fifteen minutes to decide. I’ll be talking to my beloved Khonny during that time. If you come in before that fifteen minutes is up, **I’ll rip you crotch off and shove it down your throat...** "

She then left, sprinting towards her boyfriend.

As she went back through the doorway from whence she came, she noticed that the blank white room had vanished without a trace. She instead found herself in a narrow, labyrinthine hallway that was so pitch-black she could hardly see two feet in front of her.

She had no time to dwell on this, as the sound of Khonshu's pained screaming pierced the deafening silence. Clarence sprinted as fast as she could, navigating one tight corridor after another before finally happening upon a room with Khonshu's containment tank at the far end. He was being pounded with Agony Beams with only a moment's pause between blasts.

Clarence ran toward her boyfriend, but hit... a dead end? There was a partition of translucent, unbreakable glass separating her from her beloved.

The Agony Beams stopped. Khonshu looked up. "Clarence...?" Before either could say or do more, the Agony Beams shot back in full force, enough to make Khonshu's entire upper body bloodily explode.

The room echoed with Edgar Phillips' haunting laughter. "I guess we weren't interested in your terms after all," he said patronizingly before continuing his malicious guffawing.

The laughter ceased with the sound of someone pounding on a door. "Clarence!" It was Regina. "Clarence, can y'hear me?"

"What the fuck?" Edgar's voice bellowed. "Where did this bitch come from?"

"Clarence, listen t'me!" Regina continued pounding on the door. "Whateva yah seein' in there ain't real! Edgar's using some kinda psychic powers to get in our heads an' fuck with our senses! That's how he knew all that stuff about ya!"

Edgar let out a roar. "WILL YOU CEASE YOUR INFERNAL PRATTLING?!"

"You've been hallucinating this whole time," Regina continued. "Again, whatever he's showing you in there ain't real!"

Clarence blinked... and she was back in the white room with the metal door. Said door was then melted into liquid by Regina's fire grenades.

The witch ran in and approached the android. "Sorry I took so long to get to ya! I hope nothin' bad happened to ya!"

“No, no, I-I’m fine.” Clarence lied, looking mildly disturbed. “Do you know where Khonny and Carmenita are?”

"I checked in with Toni and Mari; Khonshu ain't even in this building," Regina answered. "He's with Devon and Amon-Ra. As fo' Carmenita, I ain't seen or heard from her since we got here. Rest assured, I ain't fixin' to leave this two-bit funhouse 'til we've got her safe n' sound and forced Edgar to reopen the portal."

They turned to leave the room, but as they did, Regina put a hand on Clarence's shoulder. "Also, ya don't hafta hide anything from me. I know whatever he showed ya couldn't a been pleasant, but believe you me, what I saw..." She briefly looked as if she were about to cry, but then stopped herself and took a deep breath. "Y'wanna talk about it while we look fo' our vampire friend?"

“...nah,” Clarence answered, putting on a fake positive front. “I’m fine. Really, I am.”

Wanting to change he subject, she added, “I might have a way for us to find Carmenita without getting trapped in any psychic illusions messing with our minds.”

"If ya got any ideas, I'd sure love to hear 'em," Regina said as she punched out a security guard just as he rounded the corner.

“Well...” Clarence trailed off, nervously smiling. She lightly tugged on the camouflage-patterned jacket she wore. “You know the matching jackets I gave you and Carmenita before driving here?”

"Of course," Regina said as she reached into her invisible backpack and pulled out the coat in question. "Why? What kinda fancy bells-n-whistles did ya put in 'em?"

Clarence nervously rubbed her arm, a sheepish smile still on her face.

“Well...ever since Khonny got taken, I’ve kinda been really paranoid about another one of our own getting taken. So, I may or may not have seen in tracking chips into yours and Carmenita’s jackets...” She paused, looking away.

“And I may have sewn one into Dante’s new bowler hat before he took it, Mikey’s new shirt, Jess’s platinum-silver jacket, Toni’s belt, and Mari’s gloves.

“As well as a few hundred other pieces of clothing for everyone else in the resistance...” Clarence had shrunken her head into her black scarf, sweating.

Regina quirked an eyebrow, giving Clarence a puzzled look before deciding not to question it further.

"Well, d'ya have any kinda device tellin' ya where Carmenita is based on the tracking chip in her coat?"

Clarence scoffed, rolling her eyes. “ ‘Do I have a tracking device’,” She repeated. “Reg, _cariño_ , lemme tell ya something...”

She pulled back her jacket sleeve, her forearm panel popping open a second later, an active radar facing the witch. “I **am** the tracking device.”

"Right," Regina said with a chuckle. "Silly me." She looked closely at the device. "Now, I ain't no tech expert or nothin' -- my expertise is in magic -- so y'gonna have t' tell me if this means she's close or not."

Clarence looked at her radar, zooming in and out multiple times to check on the proximity. “Well, judging from the distance from us and the dot — which represents Carmenita — it looks like she’s nearby, but it’s gonna take about an hour to get to her by walking.

“But if we fly, it should cut our time in half.”

"Why didn't ya say so b'fore?" Regina gave an impish grin. " _Ailes de Mercure_!" With that, she sprouted wings of golden light upon her back. "Now just you point me in the right direction, and I ga-ron-tee I'll get us there in two shakes."

“Hang on, hang on, _dame una segunda,_ ” Clarence muttered, firing up her feet thrusters. “It looks like...” Clarence’s expression dropped. “ _¡Dios mío!_ ”

She looked up at Regina. “Reg, _mi amiga_ , Carmenita’s fighting off Edgar as we speak.”

Sure enough, Carmenita was fleeing as if her life depended on it, sure that Edgar or his guards were hot on her tail. She had woken up earlier than the other two women, and turned into a bat to flee quickly from whatever sort of torment Edgar had waiting for her in her prepared room.

She flew down a dingy stairwell into a dank, dimly lit storage room. Turning back into her humanoid form, she breathed a sigh of relief at what she believed to be her final escape.

'Right,' she thought to herself. 'I just have to lay low down here until the others find me, then...'

Her ruminations were interrupted by the sound of a steel door slamming open before someone staggered down the staircase. The vampire felt herself filling with a quiet sense of dread as she peeked out from behind a stack of crates to see who was coming down the stairs. The top half of the gentleman's body was obstructed from her view by the ceiling, but she could make out some details. Those shoes... that suit... it looked like...

'Petyr?' She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things. 'It can't be.'

The figure that resembled Petyr trudged down the stairs, one heavy footstep after another. When it reached the third to last step, it was fully visible. The body looked like Petyr, but it had a bloody stump where the head was supposed to be. Carmenita's eyes widened with shock as she was too paralyzed with fear to even duck behind her cover.

The headless being wandered aimlessly about the room as it searched blindly for the poor vampire. She crouched behind the crate and clamped a hand over her mouth as the decapitated corpse turned its body toward her general direction. She waited until she thought she heard the beheaded Russian walk back up the stairs. She stood and looked over the crate; Petyr was now nowhere to be found.

"That was a close one," Carmenita sighed in relief... then she felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder.

She didn't even have time to react before the headless Petyr grabbed her and shoved her to the ground, straddling her as it clasped its hands around her throat, strangling the life out of her.

"Petyr," she choked out, "Please. We're friends!"

The headless zombie was undeterred, however, as it tightened its grip on her throat with one hand. Its other hand was busy reaching for a freshly-sharpened wooden stake in its coat pocket. It took its hand off Carmenita's throat and grabbed out of the same pocket a small bottle of holy water.

The living corpse liberally splashed the blessed water all over the sharp wood, carelessly splashing some on Carmenita's body and not caring at all about the painful burns it gave her.

Despondent, the vampire simply closed her eyes and accepted her fate as the reanimated corpse of her former friend raised the sharp stake, ready to pierce her undead heart and end her existence on this realm.

At that exact moment, Clarence and Regina burst in through the door directly behind Petyr, catching it off guard.

Clarence was in her combat mode, eyes red and weapons mounted on her bulkier body ready to attack.

Her body looked more like a mecha, her clothing stretching to just barely cover her “skin”. She stood about as tall as Khonshu, making her taller than Regina. Her hair was like a helmet, with edges like that of a cube.

Clarence aimed her non-deadly laser cannon at Petyr’s body, firing a green-red blast to get the corpse off of the vampire.

“ **Regina!** ” She turned to the witch, her more android voice showing. “ **You get Carmenita outta here ‘n fix ‘er up! I’ll hold ‘im off!** ”

Edgar's voice bellowed across the room. "YOU AGAIN?"

The headless Petyr faded into thin air.

"YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!"

The room shook as Edgar's voice grew louder, small bits of debris crumbling off the ceiling tiles.

"You know, I was going easy on you," Edgar growled. "I was going to draw it out, deprive you of your sanity and your lives slowly, but now..." He let out a mighty roar. "Your tracking software will lead you to my exact location in the building. It's time we settled this, face to face..."

Regina helped up Carmenita off the floor. "Are ya awlright there, Carm?"

Carmenita gasped for breath as she held her hands over her throat. "No," she said, "I am not fucking alright! I almost got murdered by the corpse of the best friend I failed to protect!" She dropped to her knees as tears fell from her eyes.

"That's what Edgar does," Regina said. "He gets into our heads n' uses our deepest fears an' regrets against us. When I woke up in that room, I saw a vision of Danos comin' back and destroying everything in sight. It felt real, but I was able to realize it was just an illusion. We best watch ourselves. No telling what other tricks this creep's got up his sleeves."

“Well, luckily for us, I have a way for us to get outta here and get those thing off this planet.” Clarence, who changed back into her android form, opened up her forearm, typing away at it.

“Just type this in here and...done!” She pulled out a headset from her camo pants, placing it on her head. She tapped at the mic, making sure the sound was alright before beginning.

“Attention all guards,” She spoke to the robo-gaurds, catching all of their attention. “You will not track down the intruders. You will instead go to the portal room, open up a portal, and get all of the aliens off of the planet.” She paused, a devious smirk on her face before adding, “Also the floor is lava, you’ve shown up to school in your underpants, and you’ll give Edgar Phillips a wet-willy.”

Clarence turned off her headset, chuckling to herself. “Alright, I just reprogrammed the robo-guards, so just to keep Edgar a _li’l_ more preoccupied...”

Clarence slid off her jacket, another devious look on her face. “You got any kinda dangerous beast, Reg?”

Meanwhile... Edgar Phillips was not having a good time.

To put it bluntly, there was absolute pandemonium. The robot guards -- who made up more than half of the staff at Phillips' station -- were running around like constipated wiener dogs, spraying liquid nitrogen on the floors and raiding the coat closet for spare pants.

Growling like a cornered animal, Edgar Phillips burst through the door of the control room where a technician was observing the monitors and watching the carnage unfold.

"Doc," Edgar shouted before slipping and falling face first on the now frozen floor. "What the fuck is all this madness? The floors are freezing, my ear canals are packed with robot saliva, and our loyal guards are subverting our demands and reopening the portal! Is this your idea of a joke?"

"I-I'm so-sorry, sir," the scientist stammered out. "Something's come over the robot guards and is making them go haywire! Something's jamming their frequency, but I don't know what!"

Edgar shoved the technician out of the way and glanced at the computer screen in front of him. While a normal human would be unable to decipher the radio frequency broadcast across the robots' AI. Fortunately for Edgar, he was no ordinary human. By simply touching the screen with his fingertips, he was able to hear Clarence's message loud and clear.

Edgar's eye twitched. "That fucking robot..."

"Don't be too discouraged, sir," one of the other technicians assured him. "The robots may have already disabled eight of the nine system locks on the portal machine, but you're the only one who can actually get the thing to open."

"Oh, well that makes it all better, doesn't it?" Edgar grabbed the second engineer and snapped his neck like a twig. "Okay, Clarence, if this is the game you want to play... then play we shall." He snapped his fingers, and every human and human-adjacent guard in the building suddenly teleported into the same room as the portal machine with Edgar standing tall before them.

"Gentleman," Edgar said as he addressed the guards before him. "Now, I know Devon told me explicitly not to do this, but I've no choice."

As our three heroines made their way to the front lobby of the building, they stopped as they heard a series of bloodcurdling screams echoing across the building. Those screams seemed all too familiar to Carmenita.

"Uh, guys," the vampire girl said nervously. "I think we should pick up the pace before Edgar finds us."

"You worry too much," Regina said. "Fo' all we know, that coulda been Edgar himself realizing how fucked he is now that th' portal's been opened again. Now all's we gotta do is make it back, and..."

The three young women stepped out the front door together, and in the blink of an eye, found themselves not on the outside, but in a massive chamber with stark white walls, a strange machine on the far side of the room as every guard in the building stared at them. The guards were silent and unmoving, and seemed to have an unnatural hold on them. Standing above them was Edgar Phillips, looking far more muscular than he had appeared in the others' hallucinations.

"Nice of us to meet in person at last," Edgar said. "I must say, you three have given me quite the runaround. While I admire Carmenita's tenacity -- naïve as it might be that she thinks she can defeat me after what I did to her friend -- I must admit I'm most intrigued by young Clarence. Your ingenuity is simply breathtaking." He bent forward and leaned into Clarence's face, her reflection visible in the dark visor of Edgar's helmet. "I'll bear this incident in mind when I have your head mounted on my mantle."

Clarence merely rolled her eyes, typing at her forearm from behind her back.

“My, my,” The Android spoke. “That’s a pretty high goal you’ve got in mind, _Señor loco_. Are you sure you’ll be able to **scavenge** the last things you need for that to happen?”

Regina, upon hearing Clarence’s code word, summon their back-up plan’s weapon: the Coyote.

Before anyone could do more, a large coyote burst through the door behind our heroines and tackled Edgar where he stood. The beast had glistening gold fur with glowing purple eyes, and it was roughly the size of a full-grown gorilla.

"What is this insolence?" Edgar groaned as he struggled mightily against the canine's grasp.

"Oh, just a lil' somethin' from one'a my ol' spell books," Regina said. "This cutie can bench press 40 tons and claw through 5-foot-thick walls'a concrete. I call him Timmy."

"Impressive," Edgar said as he slowly stood back up, fighting against Timmy's incredible strength. "But you'll find I'm not easily beaten!" He lifted the large coyote over his head and threw him across the room into a wall. Timmy got back up and bolted toward Edgar, where they grappled to a standstill.

Meanwhile, even though Edgar had issued no verbal orders, the guards descended on the three heroines. Shambling like marionettes controlled by an intoxicated puppeteer, the guards attacked the three with a mindless, animalistic ferocity.

"This is crazy," Regina said as she fended off a few guards with a fire grenade. They got back up, and more joined them. "They just won't stay down! It's like they ain't got no sense'a self-preservation!"

"That's because they're just Edgar's puppets," Carmenita said as she fought off a couple of guards with her razor-sharp nails. Half a dozen other guards tackled her, but she managed to struggle out of their grasp. "Once he has your soul, your body no longer becomes your own." She kicked another guard that snuck up behind her. "He's taken these guards' minds and made them into his playthings!"

"How very astute, Miss Scarfone," Edgar said before punching Timmy in the snout. "Any living thing in this realm can be mine to control. No matter how powerful you think you are, I can and will rip your soul from your body. That's how I've gained this loyal workforce of mine..." Timmy ran up behind him again, but Edgar just put the coyote in a headlock. "... and each soul I take increases my power!" He then lifted the coyote over his head and body-slammed it onto the ground.

Edgar chuckled lightly as he turned away from Timmy and addressed the heroines. "Ah, but then you already knew this, didn't you, Carmetia? You saw what I did to that Russian friend of yours... how he desperately tried to squirm out of my grasp, how his screams of terror died on his lips as I separated his soul from his body, how he pummeled you into submission under my control... and of course, how he took a chainsaw to his own neck..."

Carmeita screamed, driving through multiple guards and slashing Edgar across the chest with her claws. Edgar stood unaffected as he grabbed the young vampire. "You just don't get it, do you? That android friend of yours asked me what cult I was part of. What she doesn't know is..." His next four words named as he violently threw the vampire into a group of guards. "I AM THE CULT!"

"Wait..." Edgar paused. "Where is that android girl anyway?"

“ _Oh, do you mean me?_ ”

Turning around, Edgar saw the android fashionista in question. She had her forearm open, a keyboard and screen barely visible from the cult leader’s position, and a smirk on her face.

“Well, y’know, I was just hacking into your bots again.” Clarence clicked her tongue, acting as nonchalant as a teenager in a mall hanging with her friends. “And this next command I have for them..." Digging into her camo pants, she pulled out and put on the headset from earlier.

Tapping on the mic again, she spoke. “Attention all robo-gaurds. You will come into the room I am in, and form a giant Voltron-like battle robot to fight against Edgar Phillips. You will help release everyone under his control and help open the portal to not only get the aliens off the planet, but also trap Edgar Phillips in the aliens’ place.”

She took off the headset, looking smuggly at Edgar. “Boom.”

"Clever girl," Edgar said as he folded his arms, watching the robotic guards combine to form a much larger fighting robot. The massive robot threw a punch that plowed Edgar into the ground. He stood back up and caught the next punch the robot threw at him.

Edgar jumped to avoid the blasts from the robot's lasers. "Not a terrible plan, but there are a couple of flaws: once a soul has entered my being, it is completely irrevocable! Second, the last digital key to open the portal is voice activated; it can only be opened when I say the words, 'Little Bo Peep took my sheep and sold their wool to the back-stabbing Stabbertons in Seattle.'"

Realizing what he just did, Edgar clamped a hand over his mouth, but it was too late. A chipper voice on the massive computer announced "PORTAL OPEN!" A pillar of light erupted from the machine and shot into the sky, pulling every creature not of this realm into its being.

"You think you've won?" Edgar dug his talons into the ground to prevent the portal from pulling him in. "Not by a long shot!" The mass of tentacles forming the lower half of his face moved upward toward the visor over his eyes.

Carmenita, who had grabbed onto a railing to keep from being sucked in, instantly realized what Edgar was doing! "Oh my God, everyone, cover your eyes! Don't look directly at him!"

The other women closed their eyes tight as Edgar removed his visor, exposing his glowing red eyes and bathing the entire room in hellish light.

Regina, who was wedged behind a large piece of machinery, was doing her best to avert her gaze while charging up an attack. "Honey, y'mind telling me what the fuck's goin' on?"

"You can't look into his eyes," Carmenita shouted as she squeezed her eyelids shut. "That's how he takes your soul!"

"Yes," Edgar said maniacally. "Why do you insist on delaying the inevitable? Look upon me and become one with my being! If oblivion be my fate, I shall not suffer alone!"

Edgar clawed his way across the room until he was situated right in front of Carmenita. He dug his claws into the wall and allowed himself to stand over her. "You will be the next of your friends to fall before me," he said as his tentacles attempted to pull the vampire's eyelids open...

Except the second he did, Carmenita allowed one hand to let go of the pole and cast two of her fingers into Edgar's eyes, Three Stooges-style. Since Carmenita's claws were razor-sharp, Edgar was blinded, his ability to rob others of their souls now nullified.

"You BITCH!" Edgar roared. Since he was now blinded, he didn't notice Carmenita's talisman glowing. He freed one of his hands and prepared to take a blind swipe at her, but he lost his footing at exactly the wrong time, and he almost fell into the portal.

He was prevented from falling in at the last second when Carmenita's hands shot forward and wrapped around Edgar's throat. She was now floating in the air, the magic force surging through her protecting her from being sucked into the vortex.

"For too long, you've forced people to bow to your will, hiding behind your powers like the coward you are as you thoughtlessly enslave and torment others for your twisted pleasure." Carmenita's voice echoed throughout the building as her grip on Edgar's throat tightened, her claws drawing dark purple blood. "Consider this an end to your reign."

With that, the two figures were bathed in white light as every soul Edgar had ever consumed flew out of his body en masse. The spirits of those he conquered found their way toward peace and salvation as their former captor greatly weakened at their dispersal, his muscles shriveling into nothing until he was but an emaciated husk of his former self.

The last soul to leave Edgar's body was Petyr. Instead of leaving the mortal realm straightaway like all the other souls had, stayed by Carmenita's side and punched Edgar in the face as hard as he possibly could, sending him flying backward into the portal just before it closed.

Carmenita felt the talisman's power fade as she floated back to the ground. Our heroes stood exhausted yet triumphant as they realized their job had been completed.

Petyr's soul placed a hand on Carmenita's shoulder. "Thanks to you, myself and thousands of others can move on to our final resting place, free from eternity of Edgar Phillips' torment. We'll never forget you. Do svidanya, friend." With that, he faded from the mortal realm for the last time.

Clarence descended from her robo-guard Voltron suit, walking over to Carmenita.

“He’s finally at rest.” She said, placing a hand onto the vampire’s shoulder. “He and thousands of others are finally at peace and not being used for a megalomaniac’s own selfish purposes. You saved them all.” Clarence smiled at the vampire, who began shedding tears. “You should be proud of yourself for doing that much.”

Carmenita pulled Clarence and Regina into a hug, crying tears of joy. "Finally," she said between sniffles. "My best friend can be at peace, and nobody will suffer because of Edgar again."

At that moment, the entire building collapsed around the three heroines, who stood miraculously unscathed among the rubble.

"The insurance company will _never_ believe this," Regina quipped. The others laughed as they began their walk back to the base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Grande-Fan for helping me!


	18. The Storm Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the other two groups were out fighting off Edgar Phillips' invasion, Toni and Mari launch a two-person siege on the computer system keeping Devon Graham in power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, everyone! Sorry about the LONG absence, but it's great to be back! Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

"Y'know what's always bugged me?"

Toni's slender fingers rapidly hammered away at the numerous keyboards in front of her as she hacked into the computer matrix that housed basically all of Devon Graham's important information as well as sustaining the security systems that prevented anyone from accessing the outside world. For an ordinary person, the massive amount of data would have been insurmountable, but Toni Carbone is not an ordinary person. She'd been coding and hacking before most of her peers learned to walk, and before Devon took over, she was _this_ close to sharing her technological innovations and computing wizardry with the world at large. Breaking into Devon's massive computer system was still an arduous task that took almost the entire year Graham and his cohorts had been in control, but to Toni, it wasn't very difficult. Just tedious. 

Mari was sat in a high-tech chair hooked up to Toni's computer setup, a VR helmet strapped tightly on the alien's head. "What's that?" 

"I know this is weird to bring up now," Toni said as her eyes remained glued to the wall of screens in front of her, "but I always hated the way commercials pronounce the word _marinara._ "

If Mari had eyebrows, she'd have raised one. "You mean the sauce?"

"Yeah," Toni said as she brought down a few more firewalls. "People always pronounce it _MARE-uh-NARE-uh_ , when the correct pronunciation is _MAH-ruh-NAH-ruh._ I ask you, how fucking hard is that? What, is the Italian language not good enough for ya, you stronzos? Bad enough you can't make decent pizza to save your lives, you also have to mispronounce a key ingredient!" She gritted her teeth and groaned in frustration as she rapidly typed in more code.

Mari smirked despite herself. She swore she'd never be able to understand human culture, but she couldn't deny there were some aspects of life on Earth that amused her despite that. "I hope you don't intend to incorporate that into your speech at our wedding, hon."

"Don't be silly," Toni responded. "You know I hate public speaking. I'll just program a hologram to deliver the speech for me while I finger you in the coat check room." 

"That's my gal," Mari said proudly. "By the way, how much longer are you gonna work on that thing? I feel like I've been waiting forever."

Toni squinted at the monitor bank as she continued hacking her way through. "You can't rush these things. This would be a strenuous enough task even without all the little mishaps I suffered that set back my work. That said, it shouldn't be much longer. Just a little more and..." She went silent, her tongue sticking out as she frantically typed in more code before a cheerful fanfare rang out from the speakers. "Yes!" The computer genius did a celebratory fist-pump. "I am invincible!"

Mari perked up. "Does this mean their computers are down?"

"Well, yes and no." Toni spun around in her swivel chair to face Mari. "I've brought down their outer defenses, but that alone isn't enough. We need to use the window of time left before the defenses get back on to enter the computer system itself and bring it down from within."

Mari then started to realize where this was going. "Am I to assume that I'll play a direct part in this?"

"Of course," Toni said as she turned back to her computer setup and typed away. "Dr. Stromwell has Devon's computer system set up so that only those whose minds are directly wired into the computers can have access to it. To that end, I'm going to transfer your consciousness into the digital world so you'll be able to fight your way through their inner defenses and deliver the killing blow to the source of their power."

"Okay," Mari said, "And how will I do that?"

"I'll be helping you out the whole way through." Toni started initiating the process of sending Mari into cyberspace. "You won't be able to hear or see me, but I'll guide you with on-screen prompts that'll show you what you're supposed to do, and I'll also provide you with any weapons or other equipment you might need to fight off Graham and Stromwell's forces."

"Sounds good to me," Mari said. "I mean, I'm only fighting for the fate of the entire world. No pressure or anything."

"Yeah..." Toni looked uncomfortable as she avoided telling Mari something important. "Good luck! Love ya!'

"Love you too," Mari said as she felt her consciousness in the real world fading. The sound of static flooded over her ears as she saw bright lights in every color of the rainbow blast toward her at once. It wasn't long before she found herself alone, standing on a flat, purple surface surrounded on all sides by an black void, empty except for the odd sequence of green numbers raining down from some undetermined point high overhead.

"Damn," Mari said. "This is just like that Matrix movie everyone keeps telling me to see. So, what do I do now?"

Out of the corner of her eye, the alien saw the words "FOLLOW THE PATH" manifest in bright rainbow letters. Before her very eyes, the purple platform she stood on expanded downward like a ramp before extending on into a narrow pathway of many twists and turns, like a maze without walls.

"Okay, I'm assuming that falling off the edge is a death sentence, so..." Without any other options, she carefully navigated her way through the maze until, several minutes later, she eventually came to a black metallic archway with a red force field flickering across it. Mari took a step forward, only to be stopped in her tracks by another block of text.

"CAUTION. THIS IS A SECURITY GATE. ONE TOUCH WILL COMPLETELY VAPORIZE YOU. YOU MUST FIND A WAY TO OPEN IT."

Mari shook her head. "And how do I do that?"

"I DON'T KNOW. BLOW IT THE FUCK UP OR SOMETHING."

Just like that, a high-powered explosive appeared in Mari's hands. She threw the adhesive bomb to the apex of the arch, pushed the trigger on the detonator, and watched as the security gate crumbled. "This is too easy," the alien said as she confidently strode forward.

Suddenly, however, Everything around her turned to a blinding red glow as what sounded like an air raid siren blared at a deafening cacophony that assaulted Mari's eardrums. She dropped to her knees, squeezing her eyelids shut as she clamped down on her ears to shut out the sensory overload. As soon as she was sure it was over, she slowly stood back up. Before she could continue on her path, a voice spoke.

"I'm sorry, Mari." It was a mechanized monotone that sounded like it could have once belonged to a person. "But I cannot allow you to proceed further." A large, imposing robot teleported in front of Mari.

The alien glared at the robot in front of her. "Dr. Stromwell, I presume?"

"In the not-flesh," the machine man replied. The robot's left arm turned into an enormous plasma cannon with a laser light pointed directly at Mari's forehead.

"Uh, Toni?" Mari looked worried. "I could use some help here!" In the blink of an eye, a pair of laser pistols appeared in the alien's hands. She quickly ducked to avoid the oncoming plasma blast before training her dual guns on the robot. The first shot from the pistol in her left hand blasted the robot in the knee, forcing it to kneel. The second shot from the right blasted its left elbow, blowing the plasma cannon clean off. She then walked behind the kneeling robot, pressed the barrels of both laser pistols directly against the automaton's head, and pulled both triggers at once, destroying the thing.

"Congratulations," Stromwell said. "You've defeated a digital clone of mine. Just one in a near-infinite amount. They are completely expendable." Right before Mari's eyes, the narrow path in front of her expanded into a wide-open plane, and five dozen robots identical to the one she just slew appeared.

"Oh, they're expendable, you say?" Mari flashed a confident grin. "Then expend I shall! Toni, get me some better firepower on the double!" Instantly, Mari's dual laser pistols were replaced with a colossal laser rifle with a chainsaw attachment in the front. She looked out at the sea of Stromwell clones, each wielding different weapons -- lightsabers, Gatling guns, flamethrowers, energy maces, clubs, axes, buzzsaws, and spiked gauntlets were all on display.

With a warrior's mighty roar, Mari charged directly into the sea of robots, bobbing and weaving between them to dodge their attacks. One by one, they each fell to her superior might. Each blast from her laser rifle left a beachball-sized hole in the body of whichever automaton it was aimed at, and in between the weapon's cooling periods, she simply used the diamond-hard chainsaw attachment to slice through bots like a knife through hot butter. 

One last robot crawled away after having both of its legs sliced off, only for Mari to blow its head off with one quick shot. "Is this all you got, Stromwell?"

"Not even close," the scientist replied as hundreds more robots came pouring in from every conceivable angle. One blasted the laser rifle out of the alien's hands as they all descended on her.

"Shit!" The alien looked up. "Toni, you got something for this?" Before Mari knew it, she found herself in the cockpit of a small alien ship hovering above the robot army. "I knew I could count on you," Mari said as she pressed every button she saw on the control panel. She watched safely from above as the killing machines beneath her were felled by a deluge of bullets, fire, bombs, rockets, lasers, and angry demon cats.

"Your ingenuity is most impressive," Stromwell said, "but no match for my mastery over this domain." The hundreds of broken robots all converged together and melded into one amorphous being before reforming into a towering Stromwell-bot whose sheer size was more than enough to make Mari's ship look like little more than an insect in comparison.

Mari was worried, but tried to stay composed. "Okay, no need to panic. The ships on my home planet had black hole launchers that could take care of any threat this size. Is there one on here?"

The words appeared before her: "YES, BUT-"

"Perfect!" Mari pulled the trigger on what she had been taught the black hole launcher would be.

"WAIT," the visual display said. "DON'T." But Mari had already shot a black hole directly a the giant robot in front of her. The automaton slowly started to crumble apart as the black hole sucked in more and more. Mari laughed triumphantly... but unfortunately for her, the black hole reached critical mass far sooner than she expected, before she had a chance to fly out of the way. The explosion sent her completely out of control, as she felt herself flung helplessly through the vast expanses of cyberspace at what felt like a million miles per hour. The sheer force of what she was going through caused her to pass out.

Mari woke up some indeterminate amount of time later. Time had lost all meaning for her as she slowly stood up and surveyed her surroundings. She was in a small room bathed in a red light, empty save for a large holographic screen in front of her and a green portal door to her right.

"Toni?" The alien called out her fiancee's name. "Toni, the fuck's going on?"

"I'm sorry to say that your friend will be of no further aid to you," Stromwell's voice said as the screen flickered to life, displaying the automaton's visage. "She lost contact with you quite some time ago. In all likelihood, she presumes you to be deceased, or has otherwise concluded -- quite rightly, I might add -- that your efforts to infiltrate my databases have been for naught. Since Devon's plan is coming to fruition faster than you could possibly comprehend, the total destruction of all that you have fought for is imminent."

Mari scowled. "What do you want from me, you son of a whore?"

"I assure you that your hostility is quite unneeded," Stromwell replied. "All I am offering you is an ultimatum. You may continue down your path, ensuring your destruction and that of everyone you have ever cared about, or you can join my singularity."

"Join your singularity?" Mari scoffed. "And why the hell would I do a ridiculous thing like that?"

"Simple," Stromwell replied. "I will not deny it is a great personal sacrifice. Your mind will be forever lost to the digital world, and you will never again be able to rejoin your friends. However, since you will perform this sacrifice to my benefit, I will display gratitude and use my influence to convince Devon Graham to spare your friends' lives and allow them the chance to escape and fight another day. The choice is yours: either your life, or everyone else's."

"My freedom or my friends?" Mari pondered the scientist's words. She imagined the horrors her friends and loved ones would be subjected to if Graham got his grubby hands on them. She wondered if she'd remain a sapient mind if she went through with the deal, or if she'd fade into nothingness. She thought how she and Toni would never see each other again no matter what she chose.

"Fine." A single tear rolled down Mari's face. "If it means protecting my friends, you can do whatever you want to me."

"A wise decision," Stromwell replied. "Your friends will only miss you even more knowing how you sacrificed yourself for their benefit. If you would Kindly step through that green portal to your right, we may begin the assimilation process.

Mari swallowed. 'Goodbye, Toni,' she thought as she stepped through the portal. She now found herself in a white room bathed in blue light.

"The process will begin momentarily," Stromwell said. "You may feel a tingling sensation as your mind becomes one with the singularity, but I assure you the process is painless."

Mari stood firm. She knew she would hate this, but it would be for the best.

Suddenly, the room turned a dark purple color as a pained scream breached through.

"What the fuck?" Mari covered her ears.

Cracks formed in the wall directly across from Mari. As the cracks spread, the alien uncovered her ears heard voices.

" _It's a trick!_ "

" _He's lying!_ "

 _"Get out while you still can!_ "

" _Save yourself!_ "

"Ignore them," Stromwell said. "It is just a glitch. Nothing more."

Mari wasn't buying it for a second. She ran over to the now heavily-cracked wall and kicked a hole clean through it. She tore the hole wider with her bare hands and looked at the source of the voices. She gasped and stumbled back in horror.

There on the wall in front of her were bodies, seven total. They were haphazardly melded with the wall behind them, jutting out just enough for their faces and chests to be visible as they let out screams of agony. They were so emaciated they looked like zombies.

Mari spun on her heel and ran back through the portal a split second before it closed. The red-lit room was gone, and in its place was another flat plane surrounded by an infinite black void, Stromwell standing directly in front of her.

"I really wish you hadn't seen that" the automaton said.

"What have you been doing?" Mari gritted her teeth as tears formed. "Who were those people?"

"I see I have nothing to gain from further deceiving you, so I may as well speak the truth," Stromwell said. "I was not always the cold, metallic beast you see before you. I was once an organic life form just like you. I was they youngest sibling in a family of illustrious computer scientists who were one of the wealthiest families on the Eastern seaboard -- our company being the one that supplied Devon Graham with its tech. On one of our exotic vacations, I had contracted a rare, fatal illness at the age of only seventeen years. My family had saved me by implanting my brain into this robotic body, but had neglected to program said body with the necessary sensory necessities. While I can see, hear, and move just fine, I have no other senses. I cannot smell, taste, or feel anything. I can no longer interact with the world directly or experience it firsthand. I was forever trapped in a moving sensory depravation tank.

"I will confess, I was dismayed at first. However, I soon came to the conclusion that, while the real world was forever lost to me, the digital world provided me with infinite possibilities. Using my already precocious computing knowledge combined with my robot body's computing capabilities, I soon found myself to be something of a god among mortals on the Internet. I could hack into any mainframe, funnel money from any bank account, and vandalize anyone's website or social media profile I preferred. I could even create false evidence of criminal activities and plant them in my personal enemies' hard drives for the police to find. Many have gone to prison for crimes they did not commit. Others lost money and social status. Knowing that I was the single-handed cause of that gave me a sense of purpose. It gave me new life.

"My reach was limited at first; I could only affect the computer systems in my town and surrounding areas, but I found that trapping people in the virtual world and downloading their brains into my computing software only made my powers stronger and further-reaching. I had accidentally done this to my older brother one night, irreversibly disconnecting his brain from his body and storing his consciousness in my hard drive. I was remorseful for a moment or two, but then it occurred to me that my family had only ever held me back in life. They had never reached their full potential nor willingly helped me realize mine. So I took it upon myself to force my mother, father, and four other siblings to part with the living world to become more fuel for my computing powers, and I now hold dominion over every computer system throughout the territory Devon has conquered. My family were unwilling, and despite my prior insistence, the process is quite painful for them. Their every waking moment since joining my singularity has caused them endless pain and suffering. I find their mournful wails and sorrowful cries comforting. It lets me know how much power I truly have over them. I will not rest until everyone who could possibly be of use to my singularity is screaming right along with them. That is my purpose."

Mari just glared at him. "You're a real piece of shit, you know that?"

"I have no need for such plebeian judgments," Stromwell said. "You have decided not to aid my cause, so you must die." His robot body started expanding before Mari's very eyes, transforming into a massive tank with a razor-sharp drill on the front.

With no options left, Mari ran. She turned around and ran as fast as she could down the pathway that extended before her, Stromwell hot on her tail.

Mari ran for as long as she could, only to trip. Stromwell's tank reared up behind her. "Toni," she whispered. "Please..."

Suddenly, Mari found herself sitting on a futuristic motorcycle hovering just off the ground. There was more text on the windshield in front of her. 

"YOU CALLED?"

Mari broke out into a smile. "I knew you'd come through for me." Before anyone could say anything more, she revved up the motorbike and took off as fast as she could, the tank trailing farther and farther behind her.

"What happened?" Mari asked.

"I LOST CONTACT WITH YOU," the text responded. "I ALSO HAD TO DEAL WITH OTHER... UNEXPECTED PROBLEMS WHILE YOU WERE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. LUCKILY, I STEPPED IN BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE."

Stromwell's tank was now gaining on her. Mari said, "I enjoy a good race as much as the next gal, but is there any way I can lose him so we can destroy his mainframe or whatever he said?"

"I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK."

Just then, Mari drove the hover cycle up a ramp in the road in front of her. As she soared through the air, she saw a small, orange portal about her height directly in front of her. She jumped off the hover cycle and entered the portal, which closed just before Stromwell's tank could get near it.

Mari was now in another small room, this time with a large, glowing cylinder hooked up to a computer system in the center of the room.

Mari tilted her head to the side. "Am I to assume this is the source of the computer system's power?"

"OF COURSE," the text said. "YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO."

Mari smirked. "Blow it the fuck up?"

"BINGO BONGO."

A grenade launcher appeared in Mari's hand. She pointed it at the cylinder and pulled the trigger.

Just like that, Mari woke up back in the real world. She ripped the VR helmet off her head and breathed heavily as Toni ran over to her and gave her a hug.

"You did it," Toni said. "You crashed their computer systems."

"You mean _we_ did it," Mari responded as she pecked Toni on the cheek. "It was your great computer skills that got us this far."

"Well, either way, Graham and his cronies have just suffered a massive setback," Toni said. "We can read about their equipment and strategies, and alter their programming however we want just to fuck with them."

"Yeah," Mari said. "Sounds great." However glad she was at her accomplishment, she just couldn't shake what she saw and heard when she was in cyberspace. Stromwell would pay for what he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for being so patient with me! I promise I'll get this story back on a more consistent schedule!


	19. Did the Earth Move for You, Too?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Khonshu sends a message; Mikey opens up to Jessie

That night, the heroes regrouped to discuss their further plans of attack.

"We've nearly lost people... but we should be ready to storm the castle as it were, no?" Cherrelsel asks, her teeth showing in a terrifying grin.

"Oh, definitely," Toni said. "Thanks to your help, we were able to almost completely destroy the five main sources of Devon's power. We've got him on the ropes, so we can expect he's going to be desperate. He'll throw everything he's got at us, so we should be ready for the fight of our lives."

Mari stood up. "He may not be as powerful as he used to be, but that doesn't mean he'll be a cakewalk. I've seen what he and that crony Stromwell are capable of, and trust me: NONE of you should even think of taking this lightly!"

"Exactly," Toni responded. "Stromwell's systems are working overtime to sustain order in just Devon's base of operations alone, which should give us a window of time to storm in and destroy what's left of his operations."

Dante raised his hand. "Yeah, this is a nice plan and all, but remember: the crazy cazzone's got one of the most powerful gods of the Egyptian Pantheon in his corner. How the fuck are we going to fight him and expect to make it out alive?"

"Good question," Toni responded. "Clarence, has Khonshu had any further contact with you that told you what to expect from his father?"

“Last time we talked, Khonshu said that his _papá_ was draining him of his godly power. And his voice was pretty raspy when we did talk.” Clarence sighed heavily, looking to the floor. “I’m worried that he won’t survive this...”

Jessie put a hand on Clarence’s shoulder, smiling comfortingly at her ex. “Hey, no need to think like that, Clar.” She began, voice leveled and soft. “With this team by your side, you and Khonshu will be back together in NO TIME!” As Jessie emphasized the last two words, she simultaneously stepped on Mikey’s foot and socked him right in the face.

The shapeshifter was sent sprawling across the floor. He spit out a tooth and let out an indignant “Fucking really?”

Dante snickered despite himself. “You can’t get mad cuz she’s the reason you’re even alive.”

“Let’s save the infighting fo’ when we ain’t in a struggle for the fate of the world,” Regina said before putting a hand on Clarence’s shoulder. “Also, it would be wise t’ see how soon we can get Khonshu rescued. He’s always been able to fight against his daddy before, but not without help. I mean, Amon-Ra’s an Egyptian God, and it basically takes one to bring one down, so...”

“You’re right, Regina.” Clarence nodded, combing back a few strands of hair with her fingers. “We should get started on planning Khonny’s rescue as soon as possible. I wanna get him outta there faster than leg warmers went out of fashion.”

\----

'What are they waiting for, Members Only jackets to come back into fashion?'

Back in Graham's headquarters, Khonshu was breathing heavily, trying to get his bearings from the most recent bevy of Agony Beams blasted at him.

'If Clarence doesn't get me out of here soon, it may be too late,' the Egyptian god thought. 'I can almost feel my consciousness fading, and this stasis they have me in has almost completely drained me of my godly powers. More fodder for that machine of theirs... wait, what are those two guards saying?'

Khonshu focused on two armed guards patrolling the halls and listened carefully to their words. One guard asked his compatriot, "So, you heard what that alien chick did to Devon's computer systems?"

"Yeah," the other guard said. "Since she crashed whatever system we've been operating, Stromwell's had to step in and run everything personally."

"Poor guy," the first guard said. "I'd hate to be in that position; running every piece of technology all by yourself. Systems have been shutting down or going haywire all over the damn place."

'Systems failing?' An idea formed in Khonshu's giant fucking bird skull. 'That just may be my ticket out of here.'

As luck would have it, the computer system controlling Khonshu's stasis tank shut down at that exact moment. Realizing he had only a few seconds before the system kicked back in, the deity summoned up what was left of his power.

'This had better work...'

\----

Back at the base, one of the computer monitors on Toni's desktop started flashing red as an alarm sounded.

"What the hell is that?" Carmenita looked over Toni's shoulder as she checked the computer.

"Something big is going on in Devon's lair," Toni responded. "An earthquake, about 8.2 on the Richter scale, is sending the place into chaos... but this is strange. The earthquake seems to be localized entirely in the building itself and its immediate vicinity. Nowhere else in Gooserock is experiencing any kind of seismic activity."

"An earthquake, huh?" Dante looked at Clarence. "I think your man's trying to send us a message."

Clarence obviously beamed in joy, smiling a thousand-watt smile. “Aw, YEAH!” Clarence exclaimed. Then, she remembered something. “Oh! I better use my Code Translator to see if Khonny’s using Morse code!”

\----

Meanwhile, Mikey has just gotten back to his room, gulping down an energy drink. As he shut the door, he heard Jessie say, “About time you came back. I was getting bored of reading your diary.”, which scared the living daylight out of him.

After making sure he wasn't about to have a heart attack, Mikey glared at the angel-adjacent. "So, wanna explain to me what you're doing in my room? And for that matter, what motivated your brief little assault against me earlier?"

Jessie set a bookmark into Mikey’s diary, setting it on the bed as she stood up.

“I just wanna talk is all. And I’d apologize about earlier, _but_ I don’t feel that you deserve it after what you said to Dante.” Her eyes narrowed the man, sending a chill down his spine.

Mikey inhaled deeply before collecting himself. "Okay, I'll level with you. Dante and I have... something of a history. Now, I admit it was a little unfair to blame my untimely demise on Dante since, well... it really wasn't his fault. I guess my little outburst came from... other problems I had with the guy."

Noticing the odd look the angel-adjacent was giving him, the shapeshifter sighed and said, "Look, I'll just come right out and say it: Regina and I used to be a couple. It was around her junior year and I was a sophomore. She had just gotten over a breakup, and well, I'd always been rather fond of her, and we started dating after I made the first move. We were happy for about five months... or so I thought. Then she just... ended things with me. She said it didn't 'feel right' when she was with me, whatever she meant by that.

"I hoped I'd be able to put her out of my mind, but then I found out a little while afterward that she and Dante had hooked up! I couldn't believe it; this amazing, powerful witch everyone wanted to get with, and she ditched me before somehow falling in love with some fat fuck a year younger than me! I just couldn't take it, seeing everyone cooing and fawning over them at prom, seeing them get all lovey-dovey on Social Media... it just fucked with my head, y'know? Maybe I'm being petty, but I really loved her!" He sighed. "I know this isn't healthy, but I've tried to let go and I just... can't."

Jessie’s expression softened, not at all expecting this to be the reaction she’d get from this confrontation.

“Mikey,” She stated, tone emotionless. “How long did you know Regina? Like, _really_ know her?”

“Oh, I met her about a month or two after she moved to Gooserock,” Mikey replied. “Sure, I may not have known her as long as Dante, but long enough to feel like I know her. In the months we were together, I learned she’s a powerful witch and an amazing cook, she has two older sisters who are also witches, her favorite color is purple, her favorite kind of music is EDM, and...” He took note of the not-very-impressed look Jessie was giving him. “And there’s something I’m not getting, isn't there?”

“Mikey,” Jessie began, voice still without emotion. “Regina’s demisexual. She only falls in love with people she know really well.”

Any desire to continue arguing died right then and there. Mikey stood motionless for several seconds before tilting his head to the side ever-so-slightly and asking a simple “What?”

“You heard me, McGuinness.” She began walking up to the shapeshifter, her tone still void of any emotion. It was eerily low and dangerous, however.

“She didn’t know it then, but she’s demi. Demisexual people only experience sexual attraction to people who they’re close with emotionally. You may have been the person who made the first move, but Dante was the one who’s been closest to her since she got to Gooserock. She didn’t know she loved him until _after_ Danos took over him, and Regina spent the next few years of her life trying to get him back.”

She back Mikey up against the door, locking him into place by placing her arms at either side. Their faces were only a mere inch apart from each other. “Regina. Couldn’t. _Stand_ the thought of losing possibly the only friend she had.”

Silence fell heavy in the room, neither moving from their positions for a solid few seconds.

“Now, tell me McGuinness.” Jessie stared at Mikey directly in the eyes, a cold, fiery flame of _something_ behind her no-longer sparkling brunette eyes. “How do you feel, knowing all of that?”

Mikey was already on edge about the bombshell just dropped on him, but the sheer terror that the angel-adjacent effortlessly instilled in him left him shaken to his very core. He tugged at his collar and responded, “Well, when you put it like that, I kinda feel like a complete asshole.”

“You’re damn right.” Jessie glared at Mikey. She closed her eyes, stepping back to give Mikey some space. “Look, you were angry, and you didn’t know the full story. I get it. So...” She trailed off, looking to the side.

Mikey slumped down and hugged his knees. “Am I ever gonna be better than this?”

Jessie sighed, rubbing her face. “Look,” She started. “You did and said things you’re not proud of in relatively recently, and you feel bad about them. That shows you want to not be that person anymore.”

Jessie picked up the shapeshifter by the hips, causing him to squeal like a girl at the action. She walked over to his bed, setting him down as gently as dropping a vase. “Just put in the effort of not being a sore asshole every time something bad happens to you, and you’ll see that you won’t be that person given the amount of time you have left.” She looked to the side, an almost pitiful and guilty look on her face.

"Thanks." Mikey gave a tired smile as he stood back up. "I needed to hear that."

The two exited the room as everyone else was watching the monitors as the strange earthquake raged.

"That old bird never ceases to amaze me," Dante said. Suddenly, the earthquakes stopped. "You got anything out of that, Clarence?"

“Yeah, yeah. Thankfully I started translating right as the earthquakes started.” Clarence closed her forearm, unhooking herself from the Code Translator. “I just need to print out the results.”

She made a move to reach for her white latern sleeve top with a big bow, before looking up to see everyone staring at her. “Uh...ya mind...” She waved her hand in a “shooing” motion. “Turning elsewhere?”

Everyone else turned away.

\----

Back in Devon Graham's headquarters, the rumbling had just stopped. Devon, Amon-Ra, Stromwell, and Vizzini were sprawled across the room, their heads spinning as they got over the shock of what just happened.

"So," Devon said as he brushed himself off, "Am I to assume that prick son of yours has something to do with this?"

Amon-Ra nodded. He then abruptly stood up and removed his belt. "I am gonna go down there and give that boy an ass-whipping he'll never forget!" He threw open the door and stormed down the hall.

"He's taking it well," Vizzini said.

Devon ignored the midnight demon and turned toward the automaton. "Hey Doc, how far along is that 'secret project' of yours?"

"If you must know, I was just applying the finishing touches before we were interrupted," Stromwell replied. "It should be ready to use shortly."

"Excellent." Graham nodded as if to give Stromwell permission to leave before pointing to Vizzini. "You there!"

"Uh..." Vizzini seemed intimidated. "Me, sir?"

Graham seemed a bit annoyed by the dumb question. "Yeah, you remember what we were saying about that Cherrelsel character Dante's got with him?"

"Vizzini was quickly understanding. "Yeah..."

"See if you can get her alone and, well, _do your thing_." Graham then grabbed Vizzini by the collar before the nightmare demon could leave. "But don't, I repeat, _DON'T_ fuck this one up. You wouldn't wanna end up like our _friends_ over there, would ya?" He gestured over to Jim Buxton and CD Carnegie... or rather, their severed heads mounted on his wall.

Vizzini shivered and gulped as he addressed his boss. "I w-won't disappoint you, sir."

"Somehow I doubt that," Graham said as he sat at his desk. "Try anyway." He dismissed his underling with the wave of a gloved hand. Vizzini departed, muttering to himself.

\----

Back at our heroes' base, Clarence had finished printing up the results from her Code Translator. Everyone returned as soon as they were sure she was fully dressed.

"Okay," Clarence said, holding the long, freshly-printed paper in her hand. "Sorry about the wait. It's been a while since I've used the Code Translator." She glanced at the message, Jessie peering over her shoulder. The android blinked a few times while Jessie tensed up at the message. "Huh," Commented the blonde. "Dante, Reg, everyone." She handed over the paper to the dual-eye colored man. "You might wanna read this."

Dante read aloud from the printout. "Whatever you guys did, it's working. You've got Devon and his goons on the ropes, but don't relax just yet. Your window is getting smaller. You have to strike soon before they put their plan into motion and use the rest of my energy to activate their weapon. Hurry." He hesitated before reading the rest. "And to Clarence, I don't know what will become of me after this, but know that, no matter what happens here, I will always be yours."

"Wow," Regina said. "Pretty powerful stuff, right guys?" She then noticed Jessie looking uncomfortable. "Uh, Jess? Something the matter?"

Mikey didn't know why, but he figured Jessie's answer would involve him in some way.

“Khonshu’s time is running out.” She stated. “Even without his physical body in my sight, I can see it. His time is in the red. _Merlot_ red. It means he only has a few days, at **most** , left.”

Everyone’s eyes went wide at this, not expecting the new to be this bad.

“Well,” Clarence began, voice unstable. “You can just revive him like you did Mikey, right? I-I’m pretty sure my parents still have some of his blood in the blood fridge.”

Jessie sighed, looking away from the group. “‘S not the simple.” She dug her hands into her silver jacket’s pockets. “When Mikey came back with that power boost, I was worried. The people angels revive don’t _get_ power ups, no matter their status. So...I did some tests using the blood samples I got while he was asleep.”

She turned to face the young man, expression filled with sorrow and regret. “Mikey, I’m so sorry that I have to tell you this, but the results I got don’t lie.”

Mikey stepped back, shaken to his core. “You don’t mean...?”

Jessie modded, solemnly. “When you got that boost in power, it used up half of your remaining lifetime.”

Everyone went silent in shock. The shapeshifter dropped to his knees and cried.

Just then, Toni got another alert on her monitor. She checked it, and opened to a live video feed from Devon's office.

"Hello again, Dante." Devon sounded as if he were making a massive effort to restrain himself, but his venomous glare and heavy breathing betrayed his rage. "Been a long time since I shoved ya into a locker, huh?" He exhaled and calmed himself. "Look, I don't know what kinda pranks you think you're trying to pull here, but let me assure you, I can't be threatened that easily.

"The fun and games are over. Wanna settle things for good, tough guy? Meet me outside my building. Tomorrow at 11 on the dot. I figured I'd be sporting and give you enough time to get your affairs in order. Let's just see how well you do without your demonic German attack dog to prop you up. Those friends of yours can get a front-row seat to watching me obliterate ya, and..." He slicked back his hair. "Regina, if you're watching... maybe when Dante's outta the picture, I can show ya what a _real_ man is like!" He grinned smugly before Regina blew up the monitor with a fire grenade.

Everyone looked at the witch as she fumed in disgust. "Let's waste this fucking creep."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to SXR and Grande Fan for help with this chapter!


	20. Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the A-plot, our heroes start forming their final plan of attack.

Jessie sat next to Mikey, rubbing his back in calming circles as he pulled the weighted blanket around him tighter. Dante paced around the room, arms crossed. “Do we have a plan for this creep, guys?”

"I could have something," Cherrelsel mentioned. "I've vored a few people, and rather than kill them, they've been trapped in their lustful fantasies. Therefore-" she shapeshifts to look like Sixer, only with some skimpy clothes that showed off a demi-bra and her legs- "I've been able to tap into some of my power. I just need a bit more, and then I can transform into others fantasies. Meaning I need some people to have sex."

“That’s a plan.” Jessie looked to everyone else. “Anyone else have a plan?”

Cherrelsel snorted. "What!? Is my sexiness too much for you," she scoffs

“Hey,” Jessie said sternly. “First off, I’ve seen sexier stuff in the horribly misunderstood fan art of demons, so don’t get me started on that.

“Secondly, I just wanna explore all our options before we decide on a plan. K?”

The lust demon bristled at the angel hybrid, then looked to Dante.

Dante smirked. "I kicked his culo once, I can do it again..." He faltered a bit. "Right?"

"It's a bit trickier than that," Mari explained. "See, remember how he told everyone his robotic arms were made of some Nth metal/adamantium alloy? Yeah, that was a lie to make himself sound tough. They were actually mostly steel -- pretty hard, but easy for someone with superpowers to break right through. His new cybernetic enhancements actually are Nth metal and adamantium, plus with enough added vibranium to turn him into a damn superhuman. You'll have your work cut out for you to beat him."

"Well, that's dispiriting," Dante said. "Toni, you got a plan?"

Toni was still trying to get over the sight of Cherrelsel's shapeshifting. "I am way too ace to be dealing with this," Toni muttered to herself before addressing Dante's question. "Well, not only do we have Devon to deal with, but his super-weapon, which he's been charging up since you guys got here. We'll need a team of people to go into Devon's main headquarters, find the device, and neutralize it. I figured Cherrelsel, Mikey, and Clarence would be the best ones to do this part. The rest of us will be fighting off Devon and the others -- they're powerful, but we should be able to hold them off long enough to foil their plans. Any questions?"

"So I would be sidelined again?" Cherrelsel scoffs, "Let me know when the plan's concrete, I'm going to go watch some cat and balloon videos." She slithers out of the room, glaring at Jessie before leaving.

"I'd hardly have called it sidelining," Toni said bemused. "The place is guaranteed to be swarming with guards, and we can only speculate what other tricks Devon's got up his sleeves. Also, Jessie, is there any reason Cherrelsel gave you that look as she left?"

“She’s just mad that I don’t like her plan.” Jessie answered simply. “Also, I remember watching a video from YouTube- ‘MatPat’ I think was the guy’s name- and isn’t adamantium poisonous to the human body?”

She glanced at Mikey, whose eyes were red from crying. “Also, are we sure Mikey’s up for this? I mean, not trying to be discouraging, but I _did_ just reveal that he’s only got 25 years left like, less than an hour ago.”

She then remembered something else. “And what even is Nth metal and vibranium?”

Mikey put a hand on Jessie's shoulder. "I want to do this," he said. "If I'm gonna kick the bucket as soon as you say I will, I wanna do at least one thing worth remembering while I'm still around."

The two then looked at Toni, who started pulling up articles and charts on the holo-screen from her wrist computer. "To answer your other point, Jessie, it's true that Adamantium does have horrific side-effects on those who have too much direct exposure to it, but the working theory is that those side-effects are offset by the other two metals in his system.  
"Speaking of which... you're new to superhero universes, huh? Nth metal, native to the planet Thanagar of the DC Universe, is a powerful metal with special properties including but by no means limited to magic negation, power augmentation, energy transference, and symbiosis. Vibranium, originally from the Marvel Universe and found mainly in Wakanda, can absorb and release massive amounts of kinetic energy. It also releases small amounts of radiation that enhance the user's natural abilities to superhuman levels. Does that clear things up?"

“Yeah, it does.” She turned to Mikey. “Also, I’m coming with you. I don’t care that you can protect yourself without me, I‘ll still be coming with.”

"Okay then," Toni said as she rapidly typed away. "Little change in plans here... I figured you'd be out confronting Devon with everyone else, but since you're now going in to disable his superweapon, I guess I'll be providing backup on the front lines."

Mari touched Toni's free hand. "Are you sure about this?"

"Someone's gotta do it, so I might as well," Toni responded. "Also, Clarence: I think you should know that the building the weapon's being kept in is the same one where Khonshu's being held. I think you know what to do with that information."

“Give you a weapon that’s not only fashionable but functionable?”

"I was gonna say 'rescue your boyfriend and make sure they don't siphon off all his energy to power the weapon,' but I guess that works too," Toni replied.

“Oh, right!” Clarence slapped herself in the head, causing a loud “doom” to resound. “Right, right. Sorry.” She chuckled nervously.

“You really forgot about that, huh Clar?” Jessie asked, holding Mikey as if he was a baby.

“I’m just trying not to think about the worse possible thing, m’kay?” Clarence curtly answered. “Anyway, here’s a weapon for you Toni.” She handed her a neon bracelet with just as bright buttons. “If it’s not your color, I’ve got plenty others. That’s just the 80’s Throwback Special.”

"Looks boss," Toni said as she put the bracelet on, "but how's it work, precisely?"

“Well, the order’s always different, but the main uses for all four buttons are-“ Clarence pointed at a neon yellow button. “Taser,” She pointed at a neon pink button. “Grappling hook,” She pointed at a neon red button. “Pepper spray,” She pointed at a neon orange button. “And candy corn dispenser. ‘Cause everyone hates candy corn. Even demons.”

“True dat.” Jessie nodded.

"Wait... candy corn?" Mari immediately ran over to Toni's device, activated the candy corn dispenser, and quickly gobbled up the oddly divisive treat before she began glowing. "Fuck yeah!"

At that moment, Toni remembered something important. "Oh yeah, almost forgot: there's something about the chemical composition of certain types of candy that induce superpowers in Mari's species."

To demonstrate, the now-empowered Mari lifted a nearby sofa above her head and smashed it to splinters with her bare hands. "That convince you?"

“It did.” Jessie shrugged. “Still hate the stuff with a passion. Not to mention it’s one of the ingredients necessary to summon the Halloween spirit.”

“Isn’t he your great uncle or somethin’?” Clarence asked.

“No, he’s my godfather. You’re thinking of my great great- something- uncle Lucifer.”

“I thought he was your cousin.”

“No, you’re thinking of Cain.”

"Mingya, I do _not_ envy your family's Christmas dinners," Dante responded. "Still easier to keep track of than ol' Khon's family tree. Seriously, anyone who doesn't have a mythology degree would be completely fucking lost. You'd have your work cut out for ya, Clarence."

"We'll have to sort out each other's families some other time, mon cher," Regina said. "Right about now's when we should be coming up with some strategies so we'll actually live to see our families again."

Just then, Jessie’s phone began ringing, playing a demonic theme that’s reminiscent of some Halloween movie. “Uh, sorry guys.” She pulled out her phone as she began side-stepping out of the room. “I gotta take this.”

With that, she answered the call, speed walking out of the room as she hissed out, “What?!”

She paused, letting the person on the other line talk. She blinked, sighing. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just a little stressed. Glad you finally returned my call. It only took you a couple of days.” She has just reached her room, shutting and locking the door behind her.

“...Yeah yeah, you’re busy in the underworld. I get it, believe me, I do...Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about something. You got more than a couple of minutes so we can do so?...Good...” Jessie smiled, almost creepily. She shed her jacket, unveiling her red and cream-colored wings. “I’ll meet you down there... **Beelzebub** ”.

With that, Jessie teleported herself to the underworld, her eyes a glowing red-orange, to meet with this universe’s Beelzebub. Aka, LUCIFER.

\----

Sixer groaned as she held her head, she managed to remove her arms from underneath the sloth-cat and reach the phone. Still in bed, she found the callback number for EFIL. She called it, and waited, seeing if he would pick up.

Dante felt his phone buzz, then answered it. "Buddy the elf," he said. "What's your favorite color?"

"Hey Dante, it's Sixer," the Hanahaki AU creator said.

"Great to hear from you again," Dante responded. "Something come up?"

"Hey, listen is Cherrelsel acting all uppity?"

"Don't get me started." Dante rolled his eyes.

"Figured... she's upset that I'm not doing October prompts this year. And apparently she's upset I'm not sexy enough?" Sixer chuckled. "S-sorry. Listen, give her a bakers dozen of donuts. Just not ones with jelly or chocolate IN them and she should calm down."

Dante then heard another buzz. He looked at his phone and saw that he got a text message from someone who hadn't called him before.

MASQUERADENOIR: Maybe some delicious Gummy Bears can help

Dante sighed. "Let's hope..."


	21. Turns Out there is a Hell After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes begin to mount their final siege on Devon's forces.

The lust demon growled to herself as she used up the bandwidth by watch cats play with water balloons. "Mmm......" her weird tongue like appendage licked her jewel-like teeth.

Dante knocked on the door. "Cherrelsel? You in there? One of the askers sent you some Gummy Bears to see if that'll help. I also noticed a donut place a little ways down from here. Want me to get you some?"

Cherrelsel nodded. "Yes! Extra creamie~" she cooed.

\-------

Brian Vizzini was typing on a giant computer, reading up on all the notes about Cherrelsel they had, the midnight demon hunched over in his chair, when the screen suddenly flickered to static.

"The hell?" Vizzini sprawled backwards in his swivel chair. "I was 99% done with my research!" He sighed. "Oh well. I found out all I really need to know about this 'Cherrelsel' anyway... her and that SXR friend of hers..."

Suddenly, Devon's voice blared on the intercom. "What's the holdup, Vizzini? Get the lead outta yer ass and get on that assignment!"

"I'm working on it, sir," the demon said, "But something's jamming up the computer. I-I think Stromwell's singularity is on the fritz again..."

"I don't pay you to make excuses, you whiny fuck!"

"You pay me?"

"I let you live. That's payment enough. _Fix it!_ "

'Sheesh,' Vizzini thought to himself as he took another look at the computer, typing away in search of any explanation for the sudden crash.

The letters he was typing, however, began glitching out and turning into their Demoniac language counterparts. Scared and frustrated, Vizzini began hitting the computer monitor, causing it to emit an ear-bleeding screech that sent the midnight demon to hide underneath the furthest thing from his computer.

"Okay, I see my current operations are insufficient," the demon said. "Might be time to greet them in person once again..."  
\-----  
Enough time had passed before our heroes were scheduled to meet Devon outside his base at 11. The group strode forward, cautious yet determined. They knew the cost of even the slightest misstep, but they had prepared for this.

"DEVON!" Dante shouted. "It's time! Come out and fight me, you coward!"

The fortified steel doors opened, and a flying desk flew through it. Seated at it was Devon himself.

"Glad ya could make it," Devon said. "You had your chance to pussy out like you always do, but you sucked it up and took your impending demise like a man. If you didn't repulse me to my very core, I'd say I was impressed."

While Devon was distracted by his monologuing, Clarence, Jessie, Mikey, and Cherrelsel snuck through the doors just before they snapped shut.

"Well that was stupefyingly easy," Mikey said. "Now where the hell do we go from here?"

They all looked in front of them at a kiosk showing a detailed map of the building.

"Huh." Mikey took a closer look. "Okay, so the bomb or whatever they've got is in the basement, and Khonshu's being held in room 101 on the 13th floor. Everybody got that? We all know what we're doing here?"

Clarence nodded, giving a thumbs up. “Yup,” She smirked. “Also glad I was able to create these inviso-flage uniforms for us to sneak around in.”

“You were always good with stuff like that.” Jessie commented. “How about we run by the plan before splitting up?”

“It’s simple,” Mikey responded. “According to the info Toni gathered from her hacking, the bomb is more heavily guarded than Khonshu’s stasis tank. So, Cherrelsel, Jessie and I will find the bomb and destroy it, while Clarence takes out the few guards positioned in Khonshu’s location, rescue him, and get the hell out before anyone else finds out. We all clear?”

“Got’cha Mikester!” Jessie gave him the “okay” sign while Clarence gave him a simple nod, cracking her metallic knuckles silently. They then split up, Clarence going through the air vents while everyone else went down the halls.

As they ran, the Angellic-Adjacent couldn’t help but ask the shapeshifter, “Say, would you mind if I go on ahead and scout things out first? Just in case we have to prepare for something.”

“Go right ahead,” Mikey responded. “If my year and a half working as a security guard at Canonbie Lake Park taught me anything, it’s that most of these mouth-breathers are probably either playing Minecraft or watching porn on the job — and if it’s the latter case, Cherrelsel’s powers should come in handy.”

Jessie nodded, speeding off down the halls with a confident smirk on her face... which soon fell into a frown as Jessie slowed into a sluggish pace. Breathing out a sigh she uttered under her breath, “Sorry guys. But I needed to deceive you all so I could do this.”

Looking up, Jessie sniffed the air to see if this was the right door; when the smell of fear and salty sweat hit her nose, she knew she was right. Jessie raised her hands, uttering under her breath a chant that, within a fraction of a blink, she stepped into the shadows, under the door, and into the room of the traitor of Gooserock, Brian Vizzini, fast asleep on the bed.  
Glaring at his sleeping form, Jessie set about employing her plan. Stepping out of the shadows, she welded the door shut and soundproofed the entire room. Looking on the nightstand, Jessie saw the midnight demon’s phone. Reaching over, she turned her hand into a black claw before breaking the device in her hand, the remains falling to the ground.

Surprisingly, none of the sounds or smells alerted the traitor. No. That achievement would go to the needle being stabbed into his neck, draining him of any abilities that would alert one else or allow him to escape.

Mikey shapeshifted a watch onto his wrist just so he could look at it. “What do you suppose she’s doing now?”

Jessie panted, her foot on Brian’s back as he struggled under her. Smirking to herself, she breathed out, “Ha, betcha didn’t expect me to come for ya after what you did to us, eh?”

"Perhaps not this specific combination of people, no, but Cherrelsel I was counting on." The midnight demon struggled against the angel-adjacent's grasp. "Heh. Devon told me dealing with you twerps would be a pain in the neck, but I didn't think he meant literally."

For that, Vizzini got a black clawed hand to the throat, choking him. "W̵a̷t̸c̴h̶ ̷y̶o̸u̵r̵ ̵m̶o̸u̷t̶h̸,̴ ̶y̷o̸u̷ ̶p̸i̸e̵c̸e̶ ̸o̸f̸ ̷s̸h̸i̸t̶.̷" Jessie’s voice had taken on that demonic edge to it, sending shivers through the demon’s core. ”I̶f̶ ̸I̷ ̵w̴e̶r̴e̷ ̶y̷o̶u̴,̷ ̵I̸’̸l̴l̷ ̸b̷e̶ ̷m̸o̶r̵e̷ ̶c̷o̶n̴c̸e̵r̸n̸e̴d̷ ̸a̸b̸o̸u̴t̶ ̵w̴h̵y̶ ̷I̸’̴m̷ ̷h̷e̴r̶e̶ ̴i̷n̴ ̵t̷h̸e̶ ̸f̸i̶r̷s̵t̷ ̸p̸l̶a̸c̸e̷.̷”

Vizzini steeled himself as he responded. "I take it you're here to neutralize me so your friends can have a better shot at defeating my employer and saving the humble folks inhabiting this little backwoods suburb? And am I also to assume that what you just shot me with was some sort of power-nullifier? That sound right?"

Jessie let out a dark chuckle, her eyes tinting red-orange at the edges. "S̴o̵m̴e̴t̶h̸i̷n̸g̷ ̶l̸i̴k̵e̴ ̵t̶h̴a̶t̴.̷” She gave the traitor a malicious grin. ”Y̷o̵u̴ ̵h̷a̸v̵e̴ ̶a̵n̴y̸ ̶e̴l̵e̴c̷t̷r̵o̷n̵i̴c̵ ̸p̴r̶o̷b̶l̷e̶m̷s̴ ̷a̵s̵ ̵o̷f̴ ̴r̶e̴c̶e̴n̷t̶l̷y̸?̵”

"Well, truth be told, I was never that adept at electronics," Vizzini said, "so you'll have to be more specific."

”I̸ ̸m̴e̸a̵n̴ ̸s̵o̶m̶e̸t̸h̴i̷n̸g̸ ̵l̶i̴k̴e̵.̶.̴.̸” She paused, trying to remember her demoniac lessons from back when. “Random glitches, sudden changes in language from English to Demon, electronics turning on and off at random, ear-bleeding screeches...” She trailed off.

Vizzini suddenly put the pieces together.

"Oh yes, of course," the demon responded. "I take it that was your doing?"

The Angellic-Adjacent cackled, sharp teeth gleaming in the dim light. “Oh, you little idiot,” She said mockingly. “ _I_ didn’t do it-“ She leaned down to the place where his ears would be and whispered. "L̸u̷c̶i̵f̷e̷r̵ ̴d̶i̵d̴.̵.̸.̴”

Vizzini's face fell. "Wut?"

Without a speaking another word, Jessie teleported herself and the midnight demon in a plume of flames, devouring the two, but not burning them. A second later, they reappeared in the same plume of flames, but not in Vizzini’s bedroom.

Oh no, they weren’t in there anymore. They were in Lucifer’s domain. More specifically, his office where he dealt with his most important business. The two appeared at the end of a long table, the midnight demon sitting and chained up in a chair while Jessie stood next to him, smiling like nothing was happening. At the other end of the table was the King and Owner of Hell himself.

“Oh, Luci~!” The Angellic-Adjacent called cheerily. “I brought the traitor~ One of the people who I promised to give to you~!”

Vizzini was surprisingly nonplussed by his change in surroundings. "So, that's it, then? You've brought me here to answer for my sins? Curse me to an eternity of suffering, like having me thrown in that frozen lake at the bottom? That how this is gonna go down?"

Lucifer’s fist slammed down onto the table with a loud _**BOOM**_ , shaking the table.

“ _ **SILENCE!!!!**_ ” The demon boomed. He was a very big guy, both in height and in stature. He had dark red skin, black horns and hooves, sharp red claws the size of a fully-grown man, black eyes, and sharp, yellowed teeth. He wore a casual business suit with elements of a warrior mixed in with his clothing.

He stood up from his seat, moving with THUMPING steps over to the other end of the table. Once there, he carefully used the sharp tips of his fingers to cradle Vizzini’s head up, making eye contact with the midnight demon. He leaned down, sniffing the scent from the being. He hummed lowly to himself, a malicious smile on crossing his face.

“My, my,” He mused, looking over to Jessie. “A midnight demon. An authentic midnight demon. I didn’t believe you when you said that you wanted to bring in a traitorous midnight demon, a human-robot powered by human souls, and a spoiled rich boy with a giant stick up his ass to me and place them in one of my high-class torture nightmare chambers for them to fuel my electronics to me, I didn’t believe you. What with how rare they are.

“But you’ve proven yourself to be an honest Human-Angel-Demon, young Bendrick.” He looked back to Vizzini, eyes glowing red; that was Lucifer’s Compulsive Truth activating, forcing anyone to who looks at him to confess.

“T̵e̸l̴l̵ ̵m̸e̶,̵ ̷y̵o̴u̵n̶g̴ ̵m̴i̵d̸n̵i̴g̴h̶t̶ ̸d̸e̵m̷o̵n̶.̵ ̵W̴h̶a̴t̸ ̴s̶i̶n̸s̸ ̸h̷a̸v̸e̶ ̷y̶o̵u̸ ̴c̸o̷m̴m̶i̶t̷t̵e̵d̵ ̴t̸o̴ ̶e̶a̷r̷n̴ ̸t̵h̸i̵s̴ ̶s̶p̷o̸t̶ ̵h̷e̶r̸e̴?̵”

"Well let me see," Vizzini said smugly as ever. "I named myself Devon Graham's personal lackey when he started his takeover of the Gooserock territory, I personally killed all of my former teachers and the parents of kids who ignored me back in school, I occasionally used my powers to hypnotize Alan Joseph and his buddies into going on murderous rampages in civilian territory, I haven't paid taxes in years, I've taken part in numerous online trolling and harassment campaigns... and oh yeah, I pretended to be Dante DeMarco's friend so I could trick him into coming back to Gooserock so my master could have the personal pleasure of obliterating him once and for all while being an active accessory to the kidnapping and torture of Khonshu the Moon God... oh and also, I steal tags off mattresses. If that doesn't get me sent here, nothing will."

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed at the midnight demon, a dull flicker of anger behind his eyes. “A wise-ass, eh?” He let go of Vizzini, stepping away from him.

“Miss Bendrick,” He snapped his fingers, freeing Brian from his chains and levitating him in a dull red glow. “Walk with me.” Jessie began following the King of Hell, flying next to his side. Brian forces to follow behind him.

“Something wrong, sir?” The red and cream haired being asked, an eyebrow raised.

“No,” He stated plainly. “Quite the opposite, actually. This midnight demon you brought me, he’s the best specimen I’ve had in CENTURIES! He’s like a soup of sin with a broth of pain and seasonings of anger, indifference, and sadism. He’s even better than Karens and Anti-vax, Anti-Autism moms combined.”

He let out a delighted grin, almost in child-like wonder. He composed himself, straightening his torn jacket. “I’ll have to prepare a room for him, using all the elements I’ve gathered and get every detail just right. Of course, I can’t do that and watch over Soup Bowl Boy at the same time. So-“

“You need me to babysit him until everything’s ready.” Jessie finished, then shrugged. “Sure thing, Luci. But can you at least give us the red waiting room without blood splattered everywhere?”

\-----

_Meanwhile...with Clarence_

She was listening in on a pair of guards’ conversation.

"Hey, Ralph, you see that fucking weird-ass bird guy they got locked up in room 101?"

"I know, Ricky! He looks like he's gonna fucking die! You hear him gasping for breath in there?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I even heard him say something about 'never feeling my dearest Clarence's embrace one last time.' How fucking melodramatic can ya get?"

The two guards shared a laugh.

"We're assholes."

"That we are, Ralph. And certainly no harm could come of us loudly discussing our torture of this weirdo to no one in particular instead of doing our fucking jobs."

"You always were the smart one, Ricky." Ralph began walking down the hall toward Clarence's location. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna check this corridor even though I don't expect to find anything, least of all a vengeful android with a massive stockpile of weapons built into her body."

Clarence, acting quickly, activated the invisible feature on her inviso-flauge clothing, blending into the background of the corridor. Stepping lightly and quietly, she grabbed Ralph's Agony blaster, charging it up to a non-fatal degree and blasting Ricky. She quickly put the blaster back in its place before the inflicted guard could see the hovering device.

He looked over, eyes narrowed at Ralph. He charged up his own blaster, zapping the other guard with a slightly higher level of power from his Agony blaster. Clarence just leaned against a far-off wall and watched the chaos unfold.

“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?” Ralph shouted between spasms of agonizing pain. “What’s the big idea blasting me?”

Ricky gritted his teeth . “You’re the one who shot me first, fucknuts!”

“What the fuck are you talking about, you redneck dumbass?” Ralph tried to shake off the pain. “I haven’t shot anything since we got here... not for lack of trying, of course.”

Ricky flipped out. “You think I’m fucking stupid, you ball-less little shit-for-brains? We’re the only ones here, so who else could it have been?”

“I dunno,” Ralph said with a groan. “Maybe... maybe it was a ghost?”

“Yeah fucking right,” Ricky said with a scoff. “Stromwell had the place ghost-proofed last week! The only evidence I see of someone else shooting me was the fact that they didn’t miss!”

Ralph got in Ricky’s face. “What are you saying, you little butt-munch?”

“I’m saying you couldn’t hit a cow’s ass with a banjo,” Ricky spat back. “I’ve seen you on the field; you end up shooting more of our troops by accident than the enemy does on purpose!”

“Watch yourself, Ricky,” Ralph said threateningly. “I graduated the academy before you, so I technically outrank you.”

“Fine point ya glossed over there, buddy-boy,” Ricky said. “You graduated with the lowest temperatures in your class! I saw your parents at the graduation ceremony; they were so disappointed!”

Ralph sneered. “Oh yeah? Well YOUR parents’ biggest disappointment was when the condom broke!”

“THAT’S IT!”

The two grabbed their Agony blasters and shot each other at maximum power, causing both to collapse near the brink of death.

Clarence rolled her eyes, grabbing the keys from one of the guards. ‘Too easy.’ She thought to herself. ‘Also, these guys have unresolved romantic tension between them.’

Entering the chamber, Clarence saw her boo locked up tighter than a prisoner locked up in solitary confinement. “Hang on tight, Khonny.”

She entered the control room, which was conveniently located inside the stasis chamber. Reaching the controls, Clarence began reconfiguring the beam to shoot back into the Moon God. However, since it took so long, Clarence was only able to shoot back 5% of Khonshu’s power back into him before sending someone heading their way. Clarence was thankfully able to download the power data onto a USB drive. Quickly and quietly typing on the keys, she began working on free her Khonny while his father, Amon-Ra, came in.

Khonshu started to regain consciousness. "C-Clarence?" H choked out his words before seeing the figure entering the door. "Oh shit."

"Oh shit doesn't even begin to cover it, young man," Amon-Ra responded. "And who's this? Am I to assume she's the steel-plated strumpet you've hooked up with?"

Khonshu was suddenly freed of his restraints and dropped to the ground, gasping for breath. "Her name is Clarence, you bloated idiot."

"Save your breath, son." Amon-Ra began charging up his power. "You'll need it for when we drain the rest of your power... besides, I probably won't remember her name after I'm done dismantling her anyway!" A blast of white light signaled that he was powering up fast.

Khonshu struggled to stand before taking Clarence by the hands. "Clarence, my beloved..." His talisman began to glow.

“Oh, Khonny...” Clarence leaned in closely...before scooping up her boyfriend bridal-style. “HANG ON TIGHT!”

Clarence zapped Amon-Ra with the Agony blaster she “borrowed” from Ricky and blast the door open. Shifting her legs into rockets, she began flying out of the room, calling over her shoulder, “ _ITWASNICEMEETINGYOUAMON-RA!_ ” as she and Khonshu flew of into the corridors.

\-----

_Meanwhile...with Jessie_

Jessie was sipping on a portable pouch of Pure Goat’s Blood, sitting just opposite of Vizzini, who was chained up in a red armchair, in her own armchair. Smacking her lips, she looked at the traitorous midnight demon. “So,” She began. “No final words? Not even curses at me for bringing you here? Not even a parting gift for your family?”

"Oh, I've said all I need to say," the demon replied. "As we've established, the only proper place for a lost soul like myself is here in the underworld instead of the world of the living."

Jessie narrowed her eyes at him. “You didn’t answer my question about giving something of yours to your family.” She spat out.

"My family?" Vizzini sneered. "What about my family?"

Jessie breathed through her nose, irritation starting to form. “Do you have something to give to your family? A necklace, a wallet, a cursed treasure chest, anything?”

“Well now that you mention it, I did have that safe full of power crystals I’d been meaning to give my cousins Gene and Marty...” Vizzini narrowed his eyes. “Why are you so interested in my family all of a sudden?”

Jessie’s eye twitched, slamming her blood pouch on a nearby side table. “...you really don’t get it, do you?”

“Not in the least,” the demon responded drily, “and I can tell by your body language that it should’ve been obvious.”

“I may not be the best person, and I’ve done a lot of things that I regret even to this day, but there is one thing that matters more to me than even my own life. Family.”

Jessie looked to the side, her cream bangs covering her eyes. “My personal honors code is ‘Family is the most important thing of them all’. I took care of Brit at 16, I became her _guardian angel_ , for fuck’s sake, I went back to school just so I could be more qualified to give her the life she deserves.”

She squeezed her eyes, her head tilted down. She sighed, letting out a pathetic chuckle. “‘S funny,” She suddenly said. “I’m so obsessed with Brit’s family relations that I-...” A tear rolled down her cheek, gleaming at a surprised Vizzini. “I can’t even fix my own...”

Vizzini had no idea how to respond. “So, what happened to your family anyway?”

"You _really_ wanna know what happened?" Jessie's voice was void of emotion, barely turning her head to look at the midnight demon.

"If it'll make you feel any better," Vizzini said, "By all means."

"Okay," She turned around, tears glistening her dull brunette eyes. "Fine. But you have _no_ idea what you're in for."

The Angellic-Adjacent too in a deep breath, calming her nerves. She raised her hand, fire bursting from the floor. She began molding it to help tell her tale. "It was 29 years ago this story begins. My mother, Sharron Janet Bendrick, more popularly known as the famous singer and Broadway performer Patti Christine. Seeing as how this story takes place in the year 1990, my mother surprisingly wasn't all that widely-known, despite how advanced the Angels' tech advancements were. She was the youngest in her acting Broadway group, playing mostly minor roles and singing in the chorus. But even though she felt like she was stuck in a rut, she still gave it her all for every performance.

"She had just turned eighteen, though no one had remembered her birthday since that day just happened to be when the annual Celebrities Celebration happened. She was also forced to perform one of Patti LuPone's song, whom she was named after by her agent since they were the best singers/performers in all of Calevada, especially since it's be the best chance she'd ever get if she ever hoped to be as famous of LuPone or Christine.

"Needless to say, she was in a sour mood. She was only standing off to the side of the party, making snarky remarks at anyone who tried to talk to her. It was nearly her turn at the mic when an Angel appeared in front of her. Literally.

"Now, my father Sorath, an Angel-Demon born out of a rushed-love/lust relationship from my grandparents back during the Great Shattered Harmony, had always been interested in human culture, even participating in whatever he could. He had seen my mother off to the side and brought her some punch. She had responded sarcastically at first, but Sorath just smiled and laughed.

"It shocked my mom, how someone, especially an _Angel_ of all things, would be able to shake off the obvious bad vibes she was putting out. No matter how much she tried to get him to scram, even swearing and giving him the bird at times, the cream-haired Angel just took it in stride. She eventually relented and introduced herself using her real name. My father eventually asked why my mom was acting the way she did, and she gave in, telling him all about how today was her birthday and how everyone was more concerned with stupid shit like status to even care or remember.

"My father, in an attempt to help lift her spirits, began planning something special for her while my mother began to sing her song. Once the song was over, Sorath grabbed the mic and told everyone that the night wasn't done, and that today was Sharron Janet Bendrick's birthday. No one knew who she was since her agent forbade her from even telling the homeless what her name was. My father didn't give anyone to dwell on the thought more when he began singing Sharron 'Happy Birthday' in an _awful_ manner. Like, seriously, everyone had to join in just so they could cover up the dying goat sounds leaving my dad's mouth.

"But, despite how horrendous he sounded, my mom could tell that he put in a lot of heart into it. The same thing that she did for every role she took on. After the party, my dad and mom met up and he gave her a cupcake of her favorite flavor, lemon-cream twist with raspberry sprinkles. After that, they began seeing each other. And about a week later they..." The flames twisted an turned, depicting a scene of two figures crawling into bed and began... _dancing._ "Y'know." Jessie held up a hand. "Did it."

Vizzini shifted in his spot, feeling both the chains chaffing at his skin and from the way Jessie continued to try and avoid outright saying what her parents did.

"I think I get it now," the demon said. "That it?"

"Not even close," Jessie stated, continuing her story. "After their night of passion, mom was chosen for the role of Anastasia for the musical of that name. After a few weeks of practice, however, she found out she was pregnant with me. She chose to pursue a family life instead of the life of a famous star. She got hitched with my father, and I was born not long after. However, since it was the 1990's, that meant that marriage between humans and Angels or Demons wasn't completely legalized in all of the 45 states of America. Calevada was in the middle of debating whether or not to legalize Angellic/Human and Demonic/Human wedding during my time of birth.

"However, despite the highly debated topic being at the forefront of everyone's minds, not many people were really bothered by my parents' decision. Sure, there were some people who didn't approve of the marriage, but they weren't vocal about their opinions because, unlike now, people had more important things to worry about other than people's opinions and business that didn't involve them. So, my childhood was pretty chill. Except for one thing. Or rather, one _person_.

"There was an old Old-Fashioned Christian lady who seemed nice on the outside, always offering 'sage' wisdom to others, attending every meeting to the point where she's confused for a nun by most people, and offering her homemade-" Jessie gagged at the next word. "-strawb-berry cakes to people at every opportunity, but on the inside, she wasn't even _close_ to that person.

"Every two weeks or so, she'd come over to my home and harass us for 'going against God's words' and 'for committing a sin so horrendous that the only way they could be redeemed was for them to die by God's most devoted of followers'. Of course, we never listened to her, and mostly called threatened to call the police on her. She always ran away, but the 'friendly visits' she'd always grace us with never let up.

"You gettin' a feel of where this is going?" Jessie asked the midnight demon.

"Definitely," Vizzini said. "Sounds like she and Jim Buxton would be BFFs. But go on."

Jessie rolled her eyes, continuing on with her tale. “After my twin little brothers were born, it had already been a few years since _she_ reappeared. I was only eight at the time.

“The night after my 8th birthday, that woman I mentioned earlier came back. She-“

Jessie closed her eyes, tears stinging at her eyes. “I woke up when I heard a crash a-and my mom was-“ She choked, the flames flickering in her grip. “Sh-She was lying on the floor, her soul ripped out of her body. She was bleeding on the floor.”

The flames flickered more, the embers becoming more wild and unpredictable. “I-I ran away as fast as I could, scared for my life that I’d die. My dad came to see what was going on a-and they grappled before I heard three gunshots coming from the house.

“I ran into the forest. I tripped over something and fell, tumbling down the way until I fell face first into a spiked pit. One of them pierced my eyebrows.” Jessie’s eyebrow piercing gleamed at Vizzini. “I haven’t removed it since.”

Jessie breathed, taking a moment to collect herself. “She chased me into the forest and I genuinely thought I was going to die.”

Jessie paused, then released the flames. “Long story short, my mom is in a Soulless Coma and I don’t know where the rest of my family is.”

Vizzini was at a complete loss for words. There was dead silence for a few moments before the communicator built into Jessie's jacket crackled to life.

"JESSIE!" Mikey's voice blared through, sounding hoarse. "You gotta come quick! We're being attacked! Can't find Cherrelsel! YOU GOTTA GET OVER HERE!"


	22. Whatever Happened to Clarence?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie finds Mikey in a curious state; Clarence and Khonshu reunite and delve into Clarence's past.

"Oh dear," Vizzini said. "That sounds urgent. You should go and assist your compatriots. I'm not going anywhere; as it stands, I have no means of escape. Like the hanged man at the end of his rope, I've accepted my ultimate fate."

Jessie rolled her eyes, answering her communicator. “Calm down, Mikey.” She got up from her seat, leaving a note detailing what happened to Lucifer. “I got knocked out and locked in a closet. I’m on my way right now, tell me what happened.” She appeared back into the mortal realm in a plume of flames.

When Jessie found Mikey, he was collapsed onto the floor, immobilized from fright and screaming at the top of his lungs. His face was streaked with tears and he didn’t seem to be aware of his current surroundings at all.

“Mikey?” Jessie got into her knees, creating a forcefield of Angellic Protection Energy around them.

“Mikey?!” Jessie grabbed the shapeshifter by the shoulders, shaking him. “Mikey! Snap out of it man!” She reeled her hand back, slapping him hard in the face.

“J-Jessie?” The shapeshifter blinked multiple times as he snapped back to reality, gasping for breath as the Angel-adjacent helped him stand back up.

“Mike, what happened?” The Angellic-Adjacent asked. “Why were you screaming? What happened? And where’s Cherry Pie?”

"I wish I could tell you," Mikey answered. "After you'd left, we started getting suspicious, so we decided to go on ahead with the plan, hoping to find you, y'know, in case you were in danger. So, I shapeshifted into Devon and tricked the guards into thinking that I had apprehended Cherrelsel and was bringing her to see the bomb as part of the standard villain-gloating-to-the-captured-hero bit. They let me in, so I assumed they fell for my disguise, but after a while, as we were walking the halls, every guard we saw just stopped dead in their tracks and just... silently glared at us. It wasn't long before we got stopped by one guard standing right in front of us. He took off his mask and, well..."

He shuddered as he remembered what happened. "I fell under some sort of trance. My entire body was paralyzed by this painful, stinging cold like I was hypothermic. All I could hear was this horrible metallic screeching. Even when I covered my ears, I heard it loud and clear. My vision went pitch-black; I couldn't even see my hands in front of my face. I don't know how long I stayed like that. For a brief moment my vision had returned to me, only long enough to see that Cherrelsel had gone missing. I tried to contact you over the communicator and then...

"Then I just hallucinated. It was as if every nightmare I'd ever had in my life gained sentience and forced themselves back into my brain all at once. All I could see were these... amorphous, indescribable horrors everywhere I looked. It was like overdosing on some hallucinogenic drug. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, I just couldn't escape it."

“Oh shit.” Jessie breathed. “I sincerely hope that Clar and Khon are doing better...”

\-----

At that moment, the two just mentioned had landed in a secluded area after they decided that they'd put enough distance between themselves and Amon-Ra.

"I cannot thank you enough," Khonshu said. "Every moment we were apart was an eternity to me."

“It was even longer for me, Khonny.” Clarence placed her hand onto his bony cheek. “I have the rest of your power downloaded in a USB drive. Once I get you to Toni’s hotel, we can download the rest back into you.”

The lovers shared an embrace, the Android nuzzling into Khonshu’s shoulder. “So, how was visiting you father? Was is as _loco_ as you thought, or worse?”

"Oh it's always a hassle to deal with him," Khonshu replied. "For eons, he's always had this unquenchable thirst for power. Well, back in the days when people actually worshipped the Egyptian pantheon, he seemed reasonably content with what he had, but a few hundred years after that, well..." He let out a weary sigh. "Maybe he got nostalgic for the status he used to have. Maybe he just decided he really, really hated people. No matter the justification, he's made the very unseemly habit of choosing the vilest human beings on earth as his personal avatars for destruction and forcing me to fight him off time after time. Of all the times we fought, that was perhaps the closest he's ever come to killing me. Don't know if that says more about him or myself, to be honest."

“I knew the feeling.” Clarence chuckled out, the sound empty and hollow. She looked away, gaze sad. “Hey. I texted Toni that I needed to get back to the hotel, and she said she needed about 10-15 minutes to get the portal ready.”

Clarence rubbed her arm nervously. “So, we have some time to talk. I...I need to confess something to you. Now that we have time to talk.”

"Oh?" Khonshu sounded uneasy. "What's wrong?"

Clarence sighed, looking at her bf. “Do you remember what I said about my death?”

"That you had died in a tragic accident and your parents revived you as an android?" Khonshu was somewhat confused, but had a bad feeling that he knew where things were going. "What about it?"

“ _Sí_ ,” Clarence nodded. “But...I left out _why_ all of that happened....”

"Would you be comfortable telling me?" Khonshu rested a hand on her shoulder. "I promise I won't tell a soul."

Clarence smiled, sighing to herself. “ _Mis padres_ , though loving and concerned about me now, weren’t...the most attentive during my youth.

“They weren’t- neglectful, or anything like that. They always had the best nannies, teachers, and caregivers hired to take care of me and give me the best education, but they were never around.

“Back then, New Methane City was still in construction and discovering new things like Starrium and more Red and Blue Core energies. So, everyone involved with rebuilding life on the surface was always slammed with work. Any time I tried to see them, they always shooed me off and said that they were too busy right now.

“At first, I was disappointed, then sad, then angry. I was angry that they’d rather spend more time with their work and machines than with their own daughter. At one point, I had enough and began planning to get rid of the things that always came before my parents.

“So, one night, I grabbed one of the only tools I could lift at the time and went down to the lab and began breaking things. Beakers, Bunsen burners, even calculators, any small things I could reach as I worked my way up to bigger machines.

“Everything’s a bit of a blur, but I remember my parents running into the room, me yelling at them for being so dismissive, smashing a big machine, some...safety precautions happening that trap me on the side of the malfunctioning machine, my parents’ worried faces, and then...nothing. And you know the rest.”

Clarence rubbed at her face, only then realizing that she was crying. “I didn’t want to tell you yet, since I didn’t want you to think less of my parents. They already feel guilty enough for letting their work get in the way of spending time with me, and they don’t need any more. But, I understand if you can’t accept that. I-"

“Clarence, darling, I understand.” Khonshu said tenderly. “As much as I detest the idea of you suffering even the slightest hint of isolation, I acknowledge that your parents were human and made mistakes despite their absolute best intentions. I’m just glad you grew up with parents who genuinely cared about you — a luxury I never had.

“Dad and I always loathed one another, and I doubt my relationship with my biological parents would have been any better. Yes, I was adopted. Surprised? My real parents tossed me aside the second I was born. I never met them and, if I’m honest, I never want to. I’m done thinking about my past; for now, I’d much rather think about my future.” He touched her chin. “Our future.”

Clarence’s eyes watered, her cybernetic eyes glistening in the light. “Khonny...” She breathed, before she was rudely interrupted by Toni portaging them into the hotel, landing on top of one another.

"Glad you guys made it back," a holographic AI of Toni greeted the two. "You can take Khonshu to the medical pavilion to get patched up. We just had a vacancy open up."

Clarence nodded, walking her bf to the wing. “Y’know Khonny,” Clarence started. “I’m surprised you didn’t cry during my story. What with how tragic it is and all.”

"I may not have cried externally, but please know that each syllable as you described your past trauma was like a dagger in my heart," Khonshu said. "Believe me, I felt like I was welling up, but I'm as surprised as you are that nothing came out. Perhaps the constant fear of dying and losing you forever these past several days -- combined with the hours on end of physical torture -- has burnt out my tear ducts."

“Uh-huh.” Clarence didn’t seem convinced. Reaching into Khonshu’s eye sockets, she pulled out some giant corks, causing powerful streams of salty tears to gush out all at once.

“You were saying?” Asked the Android, dripping wet.

"Okay," Khonshu sounded resigned. "You caught me. I try to keep a stiff upper beak, but my emotions do get the best of me, especially when the ones I love are involved. I hope you understand."

“No worries.” Clarence shrugged. “Having emotions makes you human- Er, whatever’s to human. Point is, it’s one of the aspects about you I love the most.”

"I'm glad we understand each other."

The door to the medical pavilion opened by itself. Clarence placed Khonshu in the healing tank and plugged the flash drive with his power into one of the USB ports. The healing process began, the two lovers never taking their eyes off one another the whole time.


	23. Keep Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vizzini reveals has a few more tricks up his sleeve as Cherrelsel and the others take him on.

Back with Mikey and Jessie, the shapeshifter propped himself against the wall as he struggled to remain standing, the memory of what happened to him still overpowering him.

“You sure you’re okay to go on?” Jessie asked, concerned. “I can go on by myself. I’m more than capable of holding my own.”

"It's dangerous for any of us to be alone," Mikey responded. "That's why we need to find Cherrelsel before it's too late!"

\-----

Elsewhere, Cherrelsel had just awoken in a small room devoid of furnishings. The only other person in the room with her was a lone guard, his mask removed to reveal a translucent, midnight blue skull over his human face, his skin now a luminescent purple.

"You're awake." The guard spoke in two voices at once -- one sounded exactly like Vizzini, the other unique to the guard himself. The two voices spoke in unison, but ever-so-slightly out of sync. "Now we can begin."

"Begin? Oh. Do tell." She smiled a soft smile. She knew better than to transform into any form, so she waited.

"We've monitored you closely, Cherrelsel. Learned all there is to know about your kind." The guard droned on mindlessly like a text-to-speech program. "You are powerful, but no match for the might of a Midnight Demon. We fully intend to bring your worst nightmares to life before your very eyes, breaking you down until we can use you as our vessel into the greater multiverse. When you reunite with the one called SXR, we will eradicate her forces and seize control of her God Quill. With its power, Vizzini will spread his influence to all across the multiverse and hold illimitable dominion for eternity. Now..." The room darkened as a low, metallic screech slowly got louder and louder. "Your worst dreams will come to life before your very eyes." Cherrelsel's vision became dark and blurry as her body went cold.

"Let's see what you're afraid of..." The guard placed a hand on the Sableye-sludge-smut demon's head.

In her mind's eye, Cherrelsel saw a girl walking around, listening to her phone. It was a dark night, but warm. A summer's night. She was walking around a very lit path with a bag of food in hand. It was late for dinner, but the girl did not care. Suddenly, Cherrelsel found herself in the girl's shoes, sitting down at a nearby bench and spreading the food to eat. There was soon cold against the back of her neck and a hand reaching around the front.

"Don't scream." Someone told her and dragged her into an alley.

Oh yes. How delightful. Cherrelsel closed her eyes, taking deep breaths in and smirked. She had a dream like this before. A /wet~/ dream like this. But Cherrelsel needed to focus. She knew the power of the girl. Afterall, the girl was her. Her arm extended, diamond nails reaching into the man's neck and ripping down, hitting all of his organs as he dropped dead. The girl stood up and Cherrelsel knew. He was in her mind. He was trying to see the bad things she experienced.

"You don't know anything about me. I dare you to show me evidence of what you know. Unless... YOU are the one that is afraid?"

Cherrelsel now found herself in the guard's mind. They were on a beach at sunset.

"Oh, wow," the guard said in his normal voice. Any semblance of Vizzini's influence on him was gone. "This is really familiar..."

He was approached by a busty blonde you'd see in every porno magazine ever made. Cherrelsel was frustrated at the guard's lack of imagination, but let the scene play out without a word.

"Hey there, pal," the blonde said in a breathy voice. "Looking for a good time?"

"Oh you bet I am," the guard said in what was probably his best attempt at a smooth voice.

The blonde wrapped her arms around him and leaned in close before whispering...

"Too bad!"

The guard was taken aback by her suddenly demonic voice; before he knew it, his dream woman had transformed into a colony of spiders that swarmed all around him.

In the blink of an eye, Cherrelsel found herself back in the real world, the non-possessed guard weeping inconsolably on the floor as his hallucination persisted.

"Interesting..." Vizzini's disembodied voice seemed to chime in out of nowhere. "Seems when we try to inhabit the same mind, your power over lust and mine over fear seem to blend into one."

Three other guards -- all apparently possessed by Vizzini's essence -- burst into the room.

"I guess I'll have to try harder this time," they all said in unison as they made their way toward the lust demon.

"Gangbang into the room~" Cherrelsel smirked. Sludgy tendrils arose from her back and a long tongue emerged between her sharp jeweled teeth. "C'mere big boys... let's all have a fun time~"

The first guard, a rather slim fellow on the short side, found himself in a cabaret-style nightclub; he was dancing wildly to a fast-paced jazz number, a shapely brunette with a glittery dress and bright green eyes taking him by the hand and leading him in a passionate tango.

"You really know your stuff," the mystery woman said. "Come here often?"

"Not really," the guard said, "but I'm an adventurous type. I'll try anything once, if you catch my drift."

"Oh, I already know," the woman said with a wry smile. She then grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against a wall. "I've been tailing you for the past month." She used her free hand to show him a badge. "I know all about the crack and heroin you've been dealing on the side. You're going away for a long time, punk!"

"Wait, what?" The guard gasped in shock, and before he knew it, the woman had disappeared and the nightclub had turned into a dingy, roach-infested prison; a horrible place, painted all green on the inside, where society's undesirables take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other. He tried to run, but crashed into the steel bars of a cell door. He barely had time to collect himself before the large hand of his towering cellmate grabbed his shoulder.

"Ya'll stand back 'cause you might get hurt," the cellmate said in a bizarre drawl as he dragged the screaming guard into the shadowy abyss.

The second guard, of average height and athletic build, found himself in a forest clearing in the evening; he was relaxing on a picnic blanket with another man with long hair, a deep tan, and a pretty face with a chiseled chin.

"Jerome, I have a confession to make," the guard said. "I've had these feelings for you for years; I've just never told you because, well, I come from a religious family and they'd kill me if they found out."

"Oh, I understand," Jerome responded. "They're not gonna kill you, though...." His smile went from comforting to malicious. "Because I'll send you to Hell first!" He then transformed into the Devil and showered the guard in a geyser of flame.

The third guard, a tall and rather heavyset fellow, found himself in his basement. He was popping an X-rated DVD into his player.

"I've been waiting for this to come out," the guard said as Backdoor Sluts 9 queued up on the TV in front of him. However, the second he was about to press Play on the remote, his mother threw the door open and stomped down the stairs.

"Mom," the guard complained. "I told you to knock before you come down here!"

"I have had it with you, young man!" The older woman jabbed a finger in her son's face. "No more arguments! You're getting a job whether you like it or not!" She grabbed him by the ear and dragged him up the stairs.

"Please, not that!" The guard started to cry. "Anything but that!"

Back in the real world, the three guards were near catatonic on the floor in front of the lust demon.

"I must say, I'm very impressed," Vizzini's voice intoned. "Usually, when I bring someone's fears to life, it takes them longer to become this despondent, but when they're given false hope by appealing to that which they lust after, their suffering increases exponentially. Would you perhaps be interested in a partnership? With our combined powers, we'd make an unstoppable force!"

Cherrelsel grinned. "Oh honey, I'd like to see your face. Talking face to face brings so much more trust. And believe with lust, in order to delve you need A LOT of trust. Let me see you."

"That's gonna be a bit tricky." Vizzini's voice went silent for a moment. "Okay, tell you what: I'll bring in one more guard I'm possessing; and I promise I will not make any attempt to attack you. Sound fair?"

"Sure honey. Just come on in and tell me what you offer. After all, a deal is trade so you MUST have something to offer me, yes?" Cherrelsel let out a purr.

"I have more to offer than you could possibly imagine..."

The next guard entered, once again under Vizzini's thrall. He looked Cherrelsel in the eye.

"What I'm offering you is the opportunity to have more power than you ever dreamed possible. Think of it: with our combined ability to bring forth unspeakable torment, we could overthrow Devon and take all this territory for ourselves! We could expand our influence across the globe, bringing entire governments to their knees! You'd never again have to rely on SXR and her God Quill to let you out to play; the world at large would be putty in your eager fingers to mold and shape as you see fit."

"Ooo. Now that would sound appealing, honey buns." Cherrelsel tensed up a bit. "But there's something you should have known if there's so much you already knew. True, I do rely on Sixer, but not like a caged beast to be let out in an arena. That's what you're implying. And while the 'power beyond dreams' is tempting for fools, I'M NOT A FOOL. I know my strengths, Brian. So I'm going to decline."

Her sludgy body left the room as she morphed into her chosen form of a sexier Sixer. "But thanks for the playtime." She blew a kiss, then slammed the door behind her.

Mikey and Jessie turned the corner and immediately bumped into Cherrelsel.

"Cherrelsel!" Mikey stood back up and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God; we've been looking all over for ya! What happened?"

"Oh, got captured. Brian didn't understand my fears. I managed to incapacitate four guards. Brian tried to get me to betray Sixer. I locked up all the guards he was controlling and got a pleasant boost of power. I think Brian is power-sexual." Cherrelsel paused. "Anyways, what still needs to be done?"

"Wait... Brian as in Vizzini?" Mikey turned toward Jessie. "Didn't you send him to Hell?"

"Yeah, Brian Vizzini. It's a shame... I really wanted to stick something into his foramen magnum. Make sure he knows all he needs about me by scrambling his brains." Her tongue licked her teeth, which were still sharp, but human-like.

"I'd know that voice anywhere," the guard possessed by Vizzini said as he exited the room and confronted the heroes. "Surprised to see me again so soon, Jessie?"

“Yeah. Actually.” Jessie nodded, somewhat unnerved. “I’m-a guess that’s a power of yours?”

"I was hoping you'd ask." The possessed guard was joined by a phalanx of guards similarly under Vizzini's supernatural command. Each one took turns speaking on Vizzini's behalf, his voice slowly but surely overtaking those of the bodies he possessed.

"I'm not stupid. I knew you guys would have no intention of letting me live after the stunt I pulled. While you were preparing to confront me and disable the bomb, I made preparations of my own!"

"I used the last of my power as a Midnight Demon to curse 75% of the guards in this building! With their generous assistance, my consciousness became a hive mind spread across an entire army!"

"Every single body carries my essence within them, simultaneously piece and whole! With this, I have more influence and power than I had when I was but a solitary demon!"

"The soldiers under my spell haven't completely shuffled off the mortal coil; no, as Cherrelsel found out, they still have enough control of their minds that they'll take the brunt of any psychic attack made on their bodies while my consciousness can slip out unharmed!"

"'But wait,' I hear you asking, 'if this ability of yours is so powerful, why are you only using it now?' While I planted the seeds in their bodies, those seeds would not blossom as long as I continued to exist as I had when you first found me! The only way for my spell to take effect is for my body to die!"

"That's right, Bendrick! By carting me off to the afterlife, you effectively killed me in the living world and allowed my consciousness to spread to all these bodies! I'm more powerful than I could ever have thought before, and I have YOU to thank for it!"

"Now, I'm going to have the pleasure of killing you all and taking that boorish asshole Devon's throne for myself? Aren't I lucky? TELL ME I'M LUCKY YOU MISERABLE FUCKI-"

"For the love of God, will you just SHUT UP?" Everyone looked at Mikey. "God, and I thought Doug Walker liked to hear himself talk! Good grief; who would've expected a spineless little weasel like you to have such an ego? It's sickening!"

One of the possessed guards punched Mikey in the jaw. "Didn't anyone ever tell you you're not supposed to interrupt the villain's monologue?"

"What the fuck ever," Mikey seethed through gritted teeth. "I've had enough of your bull! Speaking of..." He then transformed into a minotaur and charged forward, knocking several guards back before just as many dogpiled on him. He thrashed about, swatting away several guards as they opened fire on him to no avail, and he managed to throw off some clinging onto his body.

"Guys, I could use a hand here," Mikey said just before one of the guards grabbed his head and tried to put him under his nightmarish hypnosis.

“Already one step ahead of you.” Jessie turned back to her phone, which had been on since the beginning of the traitorous demon’s monologue. “You hear all that, Luci?”

Jessie hummed and nodded, muttering a few words here and there. “Okay, okay,” She covered her phone with her hand, calling out, “Hey! Any one of you Vizzini-possessed guys able to talk?”

One guard stepped forward hesitantly and let out a strained "I... I think he's... not fully in control..."

Another Vizzini-possessed guard groaned. "Seriously, who the fuck invited this guy?"

“So, Vizzini’s able to hear what others have to say, right?” Jessie asked.

"He was definitely able to hear me." Cherrelsel confirms.

“Good.” Jessie handed her phone over to the half-possessed guard. “It’s Lucifer. He wants to talk to Vizzini.”

The guard grabbed the phone. "Wait, when she said Lucifer... did she mean like... the actual Devil?"

“ _Oh yes_.” Came the chillingly familiar voice over the phone. “ _Now I see why you were such a bitchass. You were glad to die in order to allow you for your powers to kick in. Well, I must give you credit for your creativity_.”

"Okay, when the Devil is praising you, that's never a good sign," Vizzini muttered.

"Wait, is he down there with you?" The guard seemed to have freed himself from Vizzini's control even more. "Is there any way you could get him to stop?"

"That would be an effort in futility," Vizzini responded. "He can torture the real me all he wants; the copies he made here in the living world share his memories and personality, but are otherwise independent of him. Whaddya say to that, Luci-fuckface?"

Lucifer bellowed out a loud laugh, which seemed to create a kind of static-y inference over the device.

“ _Oh, who said /anything/ about torturing you, Beet-face? You may have a big enough brain to be creative, but you forgot that my skills go far beyond what a disgraced demon like you would be capable of understanding. With that said-_ “

In a burst of flames, a swarm of imps appeared, latching onto every Vizzini-possessed guard; they were sucking out the seeds of Brian’s influence through their skulls.

“ _I don’t think you’re quite as good a match for my little experiment._ ”

"Aww... I was the one who wanted to do some brain fucking." Cherrelsel huffed. "Ah well, I guess I'll have to wait. If Lucifer would be nice enough, I would definitely want to help torture him when this is all over."

“ _Doubt it. I like your work, but you’re too attached to humans. Maybe once that human is dead, we can talk. As for you, Vizzini,_ ” The chilling tone sent vibrations down the midnight demon’s spine. “ _I’ll come over to you are and handle you myself_.”

The phone hung up.

Mikey returned to his human form as the cute little imps sucked up the last of Vizzini's consciousness. "What do you suppose he meant by 'experiment?'"

“From what he told me, Lucifer’s been using the souls of worse of the worse living beings to power his electronics and the like for the past couple of decades. Y’know, like electric chainsaws, high-powered batteries for electrocution, machines that fuck you ‘til you can’t move, and those things of the like.

“‘pparently Hell’s been getting full to the point that people were trying to kill one another before realizing that they were dead and that trying to cause harm to others in that realm only made them scream until their extra-sensitive nerves stopped giving them that ‘on fire’ feeling. And his electronics were on the frost back then, so he was late to a lot of things.

“Long story short, Luci decided to use the worst of the worsts’ souls as fuel for his stuff by tormenting those unlucky souls with all their sins and regrets. Their pain and misery becomes energy for the electronics, and Hell’s cleared of overcrowding before the monthly fire feasting where all the minor demons hold a competition to see how many souls they can eat before getting full.”

Jessie clicked her tongue, pulling out a wallet and opening it up for the other two. “So, who’s got ideas on what Luci’s gonna do to Brian? Who guesses closest wins.” The Angellic-Adjacent pulled out a twenty and placed it inside. “My bet’s that Brian’s gonna get chained to the mortal realm with no powers and no way of dying.”

Cherrelsel pursed her lips and huffed. "Unlike you, I've never had need for money the most I've got are some gems, but they've always been a part of my body. I don't feel comfortable taking them out of me. What about you, Mikey?"

"Honestly, I won't even pretend to know what's in store for that demented little weirdo," Mikey responded. "Also, shouldn't we be worried about that bomb they still got armed?"

At that moment, Stromwell's voice blared across the PA system. "Attention all personnel: the bomb has been deactivated and destroyed. Repeat: our primary weapon has been neutralized. All personnel still alive and conscious are ordered to line up outside my sanctum and report for discipline for failing to do your fucking jobs."

At that moment, Alan Joseph burst out from a nearby door and bolted down the hall. "HEYGUYSIDESTROYEDTHEBOMBYOU'REWELCOMEBYYYYE!"

Jessie grabbed the back of Alan’s jacket, choking him for a split second before falling to the ground. “Hey Joseph. Why the rush?” She held out her betting wallet to the man. “Wanna bet on what Lucifer’s gonna do to Vizzini? Only costs twenty dollars.”

"Wait, the Devil got hold of Vizzini?" He grinned. "About damn time." Once the others had gotten a good look at him, they saw that most of the left half of his face had been replaced with cybernetic implants, and his left eye was now bionic.

"Brian V's got the power to bring people's worst nightmares to life, right? Well, if the Ruler of Hell has really stolen as many a man's soul and faith as the legend's say, it's likely he'll turn Vizzini's powers against him, find out what he's always been afraid of, and force him to experience it into eternity." He shrugged. "It's what I'd do if I were in that position."

“If you wanna bet, you need to pay the twenty dollar fee.” Jessie waved the wallet in her hand. “You got it?”

"Well, sure I"- as he reached for his wallet, the last remaining guard quickly snatched it out of his hand.

As the guard ran off, Alan glared at him before his right arm turned into a laser cannon. One quick concussive blast sent the anonymous lackey tumbling to the ground.

"That belongs to me," Alan said as he plucked the wallet out of the thief's hand. He took out a $20 bill, folded it into the shape of a plane, and sent it fluttering in Jessie's direction. "Just let me know how it goes, 'kay?"

“You’re leaving already?” Jessie asked, sounding disappointed. “But I thought we were gonna have some more fun.”

"Well, I don't know about you, but after the stunt I just pulled, I think it'd be best to get the hell out before Stromwell catches me," he said. "You do /not/ wanna end up on that dude's bad side."

Mikey placed a hand on Alan's shoulder. "Before you do, I gotta ask: how the hell are you still alive? And what's with the metal, and that shit you did with your hand?"

"Calm yourself, Mikey boy," Alan replied. "When I got to medical, I was in critical condition, so Toni saw fit to jazz me up with all kinds of neat little gadgets." He removed his jacket to reveal that most of his body was now mechanical. "Pretty neat, huh?"

“Yeah. Though, I can only imagine how hard it’s be to wash yourself.” Jessie shrugged. “Wanna get something to eat and talk over who’s bet is right?”

"Got nothing better to do," the former commander said. He looked at Mikey and Cherrelsel. "You guys coming with or not?"

"You guys can go on ahead," Mikey responded. "Dante and the others might need my assistance."

"My goal is to help Dante with his mission, then return to Sixer. Plus, I have not gotten many battles to scratch me up. I will stay." Cherrelsel announced.

“Suit yourself. We’ll bring you some doggie bags back.” Jessie shrugged, snapping her fingers.

She teleported them to the bar where a lot of important memories were created. She turned her head, seeing Fri at the bar as usual and every miscellaneous rogue from the battle against Danos were there.

There was silence for about 12 seconds before the short goatman from before yelled the same phrase. “IT’S JESSIE BE-E-E-ENDRICK!!! EVERYBODY RU-U-UN!!!”

Just before chaos could reign, Jessie calmly said, “Sit in your chairs.” Everyone did, their eyes facing forward as they tried to keep their poker faces smooth; there was sweat running down their faces.

Casually, the bartender Fri, a well-aged centaur lady, walked over to them. “Lemme guess,” Shae started, her southern drawl evident. “Ya want a meal?”

Jessie simply nodded, and Fri sighed. “Go over to a booth and wait for me. I’d ask ya to take an empty booth, but we both know that ain’t how it works.” She walked away, heading to the back room to prepare for the food.

Jessie turned to the mind-blown Alan Joseph. “Welcome to the Beat ‘Em Up Bar! The best place to have a drink and-or meal, while also letting out steam by fighting to your heart’s content. The best part is that in a fight, there’s hardly any rules. You could be a baby and still have allowed here as long as you can inflict physical pain on someone else.”

Alan Joseph surveyed the customers around him. "Jeez. I haven't seen this many criminals, maniacs, and lowlifes in one place since the last time I went to Maine." He chuckled. "But seriously, what's been going on since we last spoke?"

“Eh,” Jessie shrugged, walking them over to a booth in a corner. “Mikey died and I revived him, but at the cost of using half of his lifetime. I spilled my backstory to the guy who betrayed us. Dante’s fighting Devon. Same ol’, same old.”

Basil Cumbernuts and his crew saw the former second in command coming towards them. With wide eyes and fear for their lives, they rushed to clear the booth for their use. Basil and his crew got to the floor, using themselves as steps. Jessie stepped on their backs (in Basil’s case, his face) and sat down.

“But enough about me, what about you?” She asked cheerily.

"It might interest you to know that Hungerdunger and I are getting the hell out of Gooserock ASAP." Alan took a glance at the menu. "Figure we might relocate somewhere in Central Mass and put our, ahem, skills to good use as a private security firm. By the way, remember those other guys, the ones I killed? Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, and McCormick? Those guys? Yeah, I wouldn't worry about 'em. Hungerdunger's sister practices witchcraft; she says she should be able to bring 'em back as members of the undead. I'm sure they'd really like you and your friends once you've all gotten to know each other."

“From what I heard, they sound pretty likeable.” Jessie said. “Kinda like a combination of Brittney, Twice, and Toga.”

Alan tilted his head. "Who now?"

“Oh, right,” Jessie lightly smacked herself in the head. “You never met them.”

Jessie dug into her pocket, pulling out her phone and bringing up a picture of the girl she had taken in. It seemed to have been recently taken, with Brittney wearing her glasses and smiling at something off-screen.

“This is Brittney.” Jessie began. “She’s the girl I’m the guardian angel of for the past twelve years. She’s a sweet kid, younger than me by eight years. Has Asperger’s, so she’s smart and has the brain capacity to make rational decisions, unlike most people these days.” She quickly added, “No offense.”

"Hey, if I were good at making rational decisions, I never would've been working for Devon in the first place," Alan responded. "And this Britney... what's she been doing recently?"

“Well, right now, she’s on her own adventure.” Jessie sighed. “Shame though. I really wanted her to come along, but something in her life came up, and well.” She shrugged.

To distract herself, Jessie swiped the photo to one of her, Twice, and Toga at the bar. “The guy in the mask is Twice and the blonde schoolgirl with the fangs is Toga. This is us together last week when we were celebrating my twenty-eighth birthday.”

She swiped to another photo. This one had the two in the hospital wrapped in bandages and Jessie looking embarrassed. “This one is the aftermath of the celebration. Toga got swiped in the eye and a few cracked bones as well as a concussion while Twice got both his arms broken and a few other minor injuries.”

Alan widened his eyes, shocked.

"Jeez." Alan sighed and rolled his eyes. "Anyway, am I to assume both of you are also good friends of that Dante fellow?"

Jessie was about to answer, but Fri had come to their table, a notebook and pencil in hand. “Alright, alright.” She said. “I’m here. Now what do you two want?”

“The usual for me. Some fish seasoned with garlic salt and lemon zest.” Jessie stated.

"I'll just have the warm pretzels and béchamel, if you please." Alan smiled and tipped his cap toward the centaur. "Hard to find a place that has good pretzels, y'know?"

“Mmm.” Fri hummed, looking at the half-cybernetic man. She looked at Jessie, an unreadable look in her eyes that said “be careful kid” before she left.

"I guess you must have some kind of reputation here," Alan said. "The other patrons, at least, seem to know to keep their heads down. You own the place or something?"

“Eh, somethin’ like that.” Jessie shrugged. “A story for another time. Say, how’re you feeling? I don’t think I asked you that yet.”

"Physically, I'm fit as a horse." Alan rapped a knuckle against his now-metallic forearm. "That Toni friend of yours really knows how to upgrade. Emotionally though... I can't lie to you. I was terrified I wasn't gonna make it for a bit. I actually felt myself slipping away at times. I'm not afraid to admit that. I used to be fine just suppressing my emotions and pretending my lifestyle wasn't exacting a toll on my psyche, but thanks to you, I'm far more open to coming to terms with my feelings."

“I’m glad you’re not denying yourself a chance at emotions.” Jessie smiled. “Got any plans for your personal life? Mayhaps finding that special someone now that the finish line is nearing?”

Alan paused a moment. "There is someone I wanted to get to know better, but due to certain... extraneous circumstances, I never got the chance.” He pulled out his phone and showed Jessie a picture: Alan, clearly younger, was standing behind the high school bleachers, his arm around the shoulder of another male. He had an athletic build, tanned skin, and a classy undercut. “My Dad would’ve strangled the life out of me if he knew. You understand, right?”

“Some people are just plain dicks.” Jessie nodded. “Anyway, who is he? ‘Sides from a hunk.”

"Ronnie Lopez," Alan responded. "He was the star player of our high school's lacrosse team. Oldest of three brothers, first of his family born in America, and made the best damn poached eggs I'd ever tasted. We didn't get to spend much time together after I joined the ROTC, and after he moved, we lost contact. After that, I guess..." He took a deep breath. "I just buried myself in my studies, let myself get caught up in the fanaticism and the toxicity. Even after all that, though, I don't think a single day has gone by that I haven't thought about him."

“How romantic.” Jessie slid Alan’s order over to him while the Angellic-Adjacent began going at her fish. “I do have one question though.”

"And that is?" Alan dipped a pretzel into the small bowl of béchamel and took a generous bite.

“Are you a top or a bottom?” Jessie smirked.

Alan looked like a deer in the headlights. He quickly gulped down his pretzel before shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “About that...” He cleared his throat before leaning forward and whispering “I’ve never actually done it before.”

“Mmh.” Jessie nodded, stuffing about half a fish in her mouth. “In that case, when you see that Ronnie guy, tell him to bed you as soon as possible.”

Alan finished the pretzel. "What about you? You got somebody?"

Jessie chuckled around the fish in her mouth. “Oh, trying to avoid the subject, are we? What? You don’t wanna tell me how much you want Ronnie to fuck you til you can’t walk?”

"I thought that part was obvious." Alan smirked. "I want nothing more than to feel how I imagine everyone feels when they give themselves over to the one they love most. Now that I've thought about your question, I... how should I put this? Well, Let me just say that it's tiring being in charge all the time, and I think it'd be nice to hand the reins over to someone else, if you get my meaning."

“I think I do.” Jessie chuckled. “Ia it safe to say that you’ve some kinks you want to try.”

"Well, nothing I'd say publicly." He tugged on his shirt collar.

Jessie smirked, a knowing smile on her face. “I wonder how everyone else is doing.”

She'd find out soon enough...


	24. A Matter of Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes prepare for a final fight with Devon Graham, only to encounter an unexpected roadblock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: The villain in this chapter will demonstrate explicit bigotry, including slurs.

Enough time had passed before our heroes were scheduled to meet Devon outside his base at 11. The group strode forward, cautious yet determined. They knew the cost of even the slightest misstep, but they had prepared for this.

"DEVON!" Dante shouted. "It's time! Come out and fight me, you coward!"

The fortified steel doors opened, and a flying desk flew through it. Seated at it was Devon himself.

"Glad ya could make it," Devon said. "You had your chance to pussy out like you always do, but you sucked it up and took your impending demise like a man. If you didn't repulse me to my very core, I'd say I was impressed."

"'Impending demise?' Nice one, bro." Dante scoffed. "In case you haven't noticed, your empire is in shambles, your cronies are either dead or have abandoned you, and you're severely outnumbered. Plus, let's not forget which of us kicked the other's ass all the way back in high school!"

"That was luck," Devon snarled. "You degenerates don't stand a chance against the sheer strength I've developed over the years since you last saw me. You'll all be dead before you hit the ground!" He then leered perversely toward Regina. "Of course, Miss Benoit, the offer to ditch these losers and rule by my side still stands."

The witch cringed with a disgusted grimace before glaring daggers at the rich man before her. "I'd rather drink sulfuric acid than even think of touching a creepy fuck like you!"

"HOW _**DARE**_ YOU! Here I am, a supreme gentleman offering you the world, and you have the audacity to reject me in such a heartless way?" Devon let out an incoherent roar of sexually repressed rage. "Y'know, Reg, I always pegged you for a slut, but I didn't think you'd be stupid enough to choose that overweight wop-guinea-dago-greaseball FIRE HAZARD over someone who didn't need constant hand-holding from teachers and guidance counselors in school!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH YOU _**BASTARD**_!" Having reached his limit, Dante charged forward at top speed, jumping to land on Devon's levitating desk as his fists charged up with mystical flame. "THIS SHOULD SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOTH!" Dante blasted Devon's face point-blank with brightly-colored fire...

Except it passed right through him as if he weren't even there. Devon also seemed, for lack of a better phrase, to glitch out for a moment as the fire passed through his body.

"What the hell?" Dante stopped firing and looked closer at Devon. "Oh, don't fucking tell me..."

"That's right," the villain said with a smug, barking laugh. "See, I ain't stupid. I knew you'd try a little stunt like that. That's why I sent this hologram showing a live feed of myself from an undisclosed location to distract you while Stromwell unleashes his secret weapon."

Dante turned toward the others and they all gave each other confused glances.

The hologram disappeared, and Dante jumped off the desk just as it plummeted to the ground. "That spineless prick," Dante said. "Who's he to talk about pussying out instead of facing problems 'like a man?' Also, what 'secret weapon' is he talking about?"

**BANG**

The heroes turned around to see that four metallic pods, each one roughly the size of an adult human, had fallen from the sky and collided with the ground behind them. The pod opened, light gray mist pouring out. Dante, Regina, Toni, Mari, and Carmenita could barely make out the four imposing silhouettes striding slowly toward them. All that could be made out at first were their imposing builds and glowing red eyes.

The smoke cleared, and the four unknowns were now fully visible. Dante gasped, eyes wide with abject horror. "No..." He stumbled backward as the four stepped into view.

They were four humans; three male, one female, all Caucasian, and all roughly the same height. They wore the colorful outfits usually associated with heroes, but there was nothing comforting or disarming about their cold demeanors.

On the left was the most muscular of the four males. His shirt and boots were dark blue with white star patterns across them. His pants, gloves, and the cowl covering the top half of his head were white with red stripes. The bottom half of his face was left uncovered, and his mouth conveyed no emotion at all.

To the man's right was the only woman of the four, and she was just as powerfully built as her compatriots. She wore knee-length silver boots with armored greaves built into them; matching silver gauntlets protected her forearms. She also had gold armor on her torso, black armor on her legs and pelvis, and a silver helmet that obscured most of her face and had a bright blue flame design on the forehead.

The man to her right was much slimmer than everyone else, but still had obvious muscle. He wore a bright green shirt with silver lightning patterns across it; his gloves were the same color, as was the mask that completely covered his head. He also wore dark purple pants with silver boots, and his eyes were covered by a reflective red visor.

On the right was a man slightly shorter than the rest. He was covered entirely in black cybernetic armor with cobalt blue forearms and midsection. His helmet was mostly black with glowing, cybernetic eyes and mouth.

Christopher, Susan, Michael, and Robert. Dante's siblings.

"W-what the fuck?" Carmenita was panicking at the sight of them.

"This is _not_ within expected parameters," Toni said. "The DeMarcos vanished without a trace so long ago I never had the opportunity to find out where they were."

"Objective identified," Christopher said loudly but without any emotion in his voice.

Christopher, Michael, and Susan all said in unison, "KILL DANTE DEMARCO."

"We don't want to do this," Robert said as he raised his open hand toward Dante. A stream of crimson plasma erupted from his palm as Regina cast her shield spell to absorb the blast.

"Dante, get outta here," Regina said. "We'll keep 'em busy!" She then threw the ball of plasma back at Robert, sending him flying backwards.

With that, Dante pulled a flash grenade out of his pocket and threw it towards his siblings. A burst of blinding light later, and the magic user had vanished.

Christopher and Susan turned toward Michael, who nodded silently and took off faster than anyone could see. Within seconds, he dashed through the city streets until he saw Dante running in a mad panic down a nearby avenue. Once Dante was at the intersection, Michael sped up and body-slammed right into his brother, sending him crashing through a brick wall. 

Dante weakly stood up, brushing debris off of himself before readying his sword. "You left me no choice," he said as he fired mystical blasts from the blade. Michael simply dodged every shot without breaking a sweat before seemingly disappearing. Dante looked around for him, only to feel a tap on his shoulder. He turned around just in time for Michael to punch him square in the face and take his sword. Dante was once again sent flying back, only to be caught by Robert.

"I'm sorry, Dante," Robert said with what seemed to be genuine sorrow in his voice. His right hand tightened its grip on Dante's shoulder while the left changed shape into an axe. Just before he could bring the blade down on his twin brother's neck, he found himself hoist into the air by some magic power, as did Michael. "The fuck?"

Regina ran up to Dante and hugged him. "Oh, Dante, you alright?"

"Been better," he said as he stood up. 

"Now's your chance," Robert said. "Get out of here while you still can!" 

Using their magic, Dante and Regina took flight away from the other two -- Regina using her wings and Dante using a mystical purple aura. Michael vibrated himself fast enough to counteract the spell cast on him and broke free, running across the air itself to catch up to them, grabbing Robert and dragging him along for the ride.

Dante and Regina regrouped with the other resistance members. "Dante," Mari said, "I know you must be going through a lot right now, but why the fuck are your siblings trying to kill you?"

"Fuck if I know," Dante said. "I've never seen them this aggressive before."

"Don't worry," Regina said. "We can take 'em, can't we?" She and the others brought out their glowing talismans... each of which promptly exploded, one after the other.

They all turned to see that Dante's siblings had caught up with them. Christopher stood glaring at them, smoke rising from his eyes. 

"Oh, come on!" Toni had immediately realized what happened. "We barely even got to use the damned things, and he just heat visions them away? What a cheap shot!"

"There is no escape," Susan said before she charged forth. Regina blasted her with electricity. Susan stopped for only a moment before continuing on, lightning crackling around her body.

"That won't work on her," Dante said. "She has lightning powers!"

Using electromagnetic energy to lift herself into the air above the others, Susan created a stream of lightning that wrapped around Dante's neck like a noose as it lifted him upwards, strangling and electrocuting him at the same time. Christopher then opened fire on Dante with his laser vision, and Robert with his plasma blasts. Regina then cast her shield spell to absorb the blasts before her fiancé could be harmed any further.

Christopher stopped in confusion. Carmenita and Toni charged at him, only for Christopher to exhale with all his might and blow them away with a gust of wind.

Mari ran up to Toni and helped her up. "You still got that candy-dispenser on your bracelet?" Upon seeing Toni nod, the alien responded, "I have an idea."

Susan descended to ground level so she and her brothers could finish Dante off with their bare hands. Michael shoved Dante hard enough for him to crash into Christopher, who punched him in the ribs and threw him over to Susan, who kicked him in the stomach and slung him over to Robert, who lifted Dante over his head, slammed him onto the ground, and started stomping him before the others joined in.

"Please forgive us," Robert said. "We never wanted this. We're being controlled."

Despite this, neither he nor the others showed any mercy as they continued to pummel their brother into a pulp. The beating only stopped when Mari charged into Christopher and sent him reeling back. Christopher looked at her in confusion, and that confusion grew as she punched him hard enough to send him flying several blocks away. "I'll hold him off," Mari said as she chased after Christopher.

Regina threw a fire grenade at the other siblings, causing Susan and Michael to scatter before it detonated. Robert prepared another plasma blast, only for his armor to become stiff and immobile. "What is this?"

"Concentrated EMP blast," Toni said from behind as she held aloft one of her high-tech gauntlets. "Useful for taking down any tech-based villain."

"You have to act fast," Robert said. "There's a glowing red chip on the back of my armor's neck. Break it now!"

Toni moved closer, and sure enough, there was a blinking red light on the back of the armor's neck. Using the strength her gauntlets allowed her, she pried it off with ease and crushed it in her palm.

Robert regained mobility. He looked at his hands and flexed his fingers as the lights of his eyes turned from a harsh red to a gentle blue. "I'm free." He gasped. "I'm finally free! Oh, thank you!"

"Don't mention it," Toni said as she and Regina helped Dante stand. "Are all of them being controlled like that?"

"Yeah, but breaking them free won't be easy," Robert answered. "I am so, so sorry Dante. I had no control over any of that."

"You're forgiven," Dante said between gasps of breath. "We gotta get to the others. Where'd they go?"

"Seems Susan an' Michael ran off to help Chris. I had no idea ol' Mari could put up that much of a fight."

Indeed, Mari and Christopher were locked in a battle of fisticuffs, each combatant evenly matched as they gave and received blows that would shatter concrete. Despite the heavy toll the fight was taking on both of their bodies, neither one showed any sign of slowing down. When Michael and Susan found the two, they tried to grab Mari and drag her away from their brother. Undeterred, the alien punched Michael, grabbed him, and threw him at Susan before charging at Christopher once more.

Toni and Robert arrived to see Mari and Christopher continuing their fight. Robert turned and saw Susan standing back up to attack Dante, but he plasma blasted her away. "We're here to help," he told her.

"KILL!" Susan hurled a continuous blast of lightning, which not only did nothing to damage Robert's armor, but actually turbo-charged it. He bolted forward forward at almost as great a speed as Michael, locking his sister in a vise grip as he used his armor to drain her power as Regina snuck up behind her, ripped the chip off the back of her neck, and threw it on the ground before stomping it like a cigarette.

The red glow disappeared from Susan's eyes, returning to their normal human colors. "What's going on?" She looked around. "Where am I?"

"I'll explain later," Robert said. "Right now, our brothers need our help!"

As Robert summed up the situation, Mari kept up her fight against Christopher, still not giving up as she and the behemoth traded blows. He caught her punch, and she caught his, and they stood stalemated for several seconds, each one refusing to give way.

Christopher was so focused on his current goal that he never noticed the bat flying behind him, hovering just near his neck. He never saw that bat transforming into Carmenita, only realizing too late when she latched onto him and bit the glowing chip off his neck. "You're free now," She said as she spit the chip away.

Christopher finally gave way, falling to his knees as he placed his head in his hands, wondering what the hell just happened.

"Long story short, we've been brainwashed," Susan said as she helped her brother back up."We still need to help Michael."

While everyone was distracted, Michael had dashed off and was making his way back across the city. "Mission compromised," he said to no one in particular. "Must return to base." He looked up and saw Susan running across the power lines, using the electrical current to glide at roughly his speed. He was so distracted that he never noticed Christopher standing in front of him as he crashed into him, sending him sprawling. Before Michael could get back up, Susan grabbed him and shattered the chip with just the flick of his finger.

\----

Some time later, the heavily wounded Dante woke up in the infirmary of Toni's hotel and saw his siblings all looking at him with great concern. "What?" He looked around. "What happened?"

"You lost consciousness after the beating we were forced to give you," Christopher admitted sheepishly. "You're lucky you've got powers, 'cause none of us were holding back."

"While you were out cold, Regina told us everything that happened since you left us all those years ago," Susan said. "We were wrong to have assumed the worst of you. We should know better."

"Yeah," Michael said. "I mean, we were just brainwashed and forced into killing people against our will, so it's not like we have any right to be mad at you for the same reason."

Dante sat up. "So, what exactly happened to you guys?"

"Seymour Stromwell happened," Robert said. "We were fighting one of his robots a few years back, and it let off this weird noise that put us in a trance. While the others were out cold, Stromwell put his mind control chips on them and had them gestate long enough to fall completely under his control. The chips never worked on me due to my technopathy, so he took control of my armor instead. So, unlike cops who shoot unarmed minorities, we genuinely had no choice in what we did."

Dante chuckled. "You always knew just the right things to say, Robbie."

Dante's siblings then pulled him into a group hug, each apologizing to him and telling him they'll always love him.

"Hey, wait a minute," Dante said. "Where's Brian?"

"Oh, he's not with us," Robert said. "When you got taken over by Danos, he got all angsty and went off to live in the Canadian wilderness for a while. He must've either joined a hockey team or got addicted to maple syrup, 'cause we haven't heard from him since."

"Yeah, that sounds like something he'd do," Dante replied.

"You'll have to rest up and let your wounds heal," Susan said as she and the others started to leave. "After that, we'll plan on what to do with Devon once and for all."

As Dante's siblings left, Regina entered and sat next to her fiancé. "So," she said, "What's it like being part of a family again, mon cherie?"

Dante sighed, a single tear rolling down his face. "Better than I could ever have imagined."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience. Life got in the way, and I'll try to be better.


	25. A Quick Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jessie returns with food and magic to fix everyone's current problems. Dialogue ensues.

Suddenly, a plume of flames appeared in the living room, the forms of Jessie Bendrick and Alan coming out. Both of them carrying doggie bags of food; Alan seemed to be carrying the most.

“Hey-yo!~” Jessie sang cheerily. “Sorry for being late, Fri had some trouble cooking the food, and there was this random exploding cat that ran in, and-“

Once the Angellic-Adjacent opened her eyes, she noticed Dante’s siblings in front of her. There was quiet, asides from Alan’s noises of trying to balance himself from the unbelievable amount of doggie bags he had in his possession.

“Okay,” Jessie stated, pointing at Christopher. “Who are you?” Then at Michael. “What are you doing here?” Then at Robert. “Why do you smell like trash that was repeatedly thrown up?” And finally at Susan. “And are you single?” She threw in a wink at the end.

"Oh, hey, Jessie," Toni said as she typed away at her computer. "These are Dante's siblings. They were brainwashed and tried to kill him but they're cool now."

Susan stepped toward Jessie. "You are an ally of our brother's?"

“Oh, I dunno,” Jessie’s eye twitched as her smile looked strained. “Maybe if you answer my questions, I’ll answer yours.”

"Well, as you heard, we're all Dante's siblings," Michael said as quickly as he possibly could. "I'm Michael -- I'm fast -- and these are Christopher -- he's like Superman -- Susan -- she's got super strength, lightning powers, and waterbending -- and Robert -- he controls tech with his mind. We're recuperating after being freed from Stromwell's brainwashing, the smell is probably the radiation powering Stromwell's mind control chips, and Susan's really secretive and never talks about her love life to ANYONE! I mean, I read her diary like 11 times when we were kids and I couldn't find anything!"

"That was YOU?" Susan shoved Michael into a wall.

Jessie let out a chuckle, smirking. “Well, now that that’s settled, before you kill each other, here’s my answer: Yes, I am Dante’s friend.” She gestured over to Alan, who had managed to steady himself with the amount of bags he was holding. “This guy’s Alan Joseph. He used to work for Devon, but now he’s on our side.”

She sniffed the air, cringing at the smell. “Also, I doubt that’s the source. If it was, than there would be mutations of all kinds happening. It actually reminds me more of-“ It was then that she saw Toni researching “how to reverse the damage done on magical talismans” on her computer.

“Alan, hold these for me, k?” She all-but-threw the bags at the man, which finally toppled him over and he crashed to the ground. She then suddenly appeared right behind the computer genius. “ _Toni_ ,” Jessie began, voice calm and dangerous. “What are you researching?”

Toni looked up from her monitors. "Well..." She sucked in air through her teeth before sighing. "Y'see that?" She pointed to a pile of multicolored dust on a nearby table. "That used to be our talismans. I'm guessing that's a bad thing?"

Jessie let out a laugh. “Oh-ho-ho no.” She began, voice laced with the type of venom you’d only hear in people who are hella mad. “I mean,” She scoffed, waving a dismissive hand. “Brit only spent months on end working on carving out gemstones to unlock their powers under the guidance of one of DC’s strongest magic user and designing every design that, in certain ways, reflected her family and life trauma. So-“

She placed a half-clawed hand on Toni’s shoulder, the carpet smoking where Jessie was standing. “I don’t know, Carbone.” Jessie suddenly took on a terrifying edge to it, almost Alastor-like in nature. W̵̢̝͕͋̀͘H̴͚̫́͊́à̸̪̟͌͜T̴̡̪͔̾́͝ d̴͕̠̞͌̓͋O̵̢͖͕͊͒̒ Y̸͓͉̝̓̓͌O̴̻̠͔̽̓̕u̴͎͚͊͛͋ t̴̟̙͎͛̈́͝h̵͔͎̪̓͆͋I̴̻̽́̒͜N̸͔͎̽̾͝k̵̢͔͉̈́̽͑?̵̦̼̺̓͝

"Hmm." Toni's voice was flat, her expression blank. "Figured as much."

Regina entered from the infirmary. "Hey, what's all that ruckus going o- Jessie? You're back. I can tell by that murderous glint in ya eye that Toni already tol' ya 'bout the mishap with our amulets, so I'll just cut right to the chase: is there a way to fix this?"

Jessie smoothed out her expression, stepping out of where the carpet was singed. “Yeah, B needed some help with some spells her teach was helpin’ her learn. I just so happened to have read over some of the spells and one of ‘em was a restoration spell.”

She nodded over to the still-buried in bags of food Alan Joseph. “I’ve got the materials in my bag.” She said lowly, “The guy offered to carry the bags and my own to ease the load on me. Ain’t he a gentleman?”

Soon enough, all the heroes who weren't being treated for near-fatal injuries were gathered around the table in the lobby.

"You got all the materials," Regina said. "So, how's this gonna work?"

“Well, first I take this pencil.” Jessie picked up the writing utensil. “Then I pick up this paper pack.” She picked it up. “Then I draw some circles, then symbols inside them, place the remains of the talismans that Dante’s brother so carelessly melted.” She sent a glare over her shoulder at said male, who ended up choking on his fried cockroach kabob.

Everyone who was there was watching Jessie dabble in Brittney’s magic while eating whatever Jessie and Alan brought back from the Beat ‘Em Up Bar.

"Well ain't that something?" Regina tilted her head somewhat as she observed the lights that started emanating from the paper. "I just might hafta ask you fo' some magic lessons once this whole business is over an' done with." She popped another piece of teriyaki chicken into her mouth as the little light show continued.

“If ya want magic lessons, as B for some.” Jessie said as she drank from her PGB smoothie. “She’s not the best at communicating, but she knows more about her own type of magic than me. I only ever helped her train and hone her abilities.”

"That ain't exactly what I had in mind," Regina said. "I come from a family a' skilled witches, and certainly know my way 'round spells and potions more'n most people I know. I just ain't seen anything specifically like this before."

Jessie turned to everyone else in the room. “By the way, how’s the food? Fri didn’t know what to cook so she made one of everything. Even made the invisible cream pie.”

"Cream pie?" Michael looked puzzled. "What cream pi"-

Before he could finish, Carmenita picked up the transparent dessert and mashed it into his face. "Yeah, vampires can see invisible stuff," she admitted before happily lapping up blood from a roast.

"The food's all great," Toni said after downing another spoonful of tomato bisque. "I'll have to remember this place when my universe-travel device is up and running."

Mari finished the last of her turkey-brie-pear panini. "So, how long is this process supposed to take?"

“If I remember correctly, it depends on how much energy is available.” Jessie shrugged, taking a piece away from Mikey’s ghost pepper corpse steak-ribs. “I don’t remember the specifics, but I know it draws on energy from the user, the environment, and the materials used. The more energy available the faster the process. But since I’m using normal things and I don’t know how the energy transference works, it might take a while. But it looks like it’s working.”

She pointed at the forms of the talismans reforming back into their original shapes. Jessie then looked around the table, seeing two faces missing. “Hey, has anyone seen Clarence and Khonshu?”

Just then, a thudding sound came from the closet.

Robert stood and moved toward the door. "If this turns out to be a jump scare prank, y'all can kiss my ass." He opened the closet door and reacted immediately with an exasperated "Mingya..."

Inside were Clarence and Khonshu, making out on the wall directly across from Robert. They were both shirtless, but thankfully Clarence’s body was covered by Khonshu’s naked torso. The android’s hand was on the Egyptian God’s ass, a few fingers inside the band of the clothing. They both stopped and turned to the sudden interruption.

“Uh,” Clarence began, annoyed. “Do you mind? A little privacy’s needed here.”

Robert hurriedly slammed the door and slid back to the table. "They're... in the healing process."

Jessie smirked, small fangs shining in the light as she gnawed on the spicy meat-covered bone. “What’s the matter? You embarrassed about closet sex? What, have you never wanted to fuck someone in a closet? Or are you just embarrassed that you still have maggot rice stuck between your teeth?”

Robert raised an eyebrow and quickly rubbed his teeth with his pinky. "Look, all I'm saying is, of the many sights I'd hoped to take in when I chose this life, that... weird bird thing's back tattoos ain't one of 'em."

"Robbie here ain't a prude by any means," Michael chimed in after slurping a mouthful of squid ink pasta. "Hell, each of us has barged in on him at least once."

Robert scoffed. "You're just jealous I got to shack up with Kristoff O'Houlihan before you."

Michael crossed his arms and turned away with a silent huff.

“Who dat?” Jessie asked with a raised brow, passing a jug of milk to Mikey, who seemed to be a bit steamy from the spice.

"He was only one of the most popular guys at our school," Christopher explained between bites from his grilled rainbow sandwich. "Star of the school's hockey team, made Prom King twice, and he had some damn impressive superpowers: flight, telepathy, telekinesis, control over fire and plant life, and that's just the start."

"He also went through this family like a recessive gene, if ya catch my drift," Robert said with a smirk. "All of us except Dante got at least one turn with him."

"You can't blame us for being a bit enamored." Susan had just finished a plate of steamed hams. "He's got a proud family history of heroism. His grandfather was one of the professors at the superhero academy we went to, and coincidentally enough, Dante was the old man's best student."

Jessie suddenly spat out her mouthful of ghost paper corpse steak-ribs. Thankfully, it landed on her plate instead of someone’s face. “AW CRAP!” She borderline-screeched. “I totally forgot to give him his food!” Grabbing a bag that had “For Dante” written in black letters, she sped down the hall, leaving charred embers of carpet in her wake.

In no time at all, she stopped in front of the medical bay’s door. Putting out the small fire near her feet, she carefully knocked on the door.

The door opened by itself. Dante, having heard the commotion, struggled as he sat up. "Jessie, you're back!" As he tried to turn towards her, he suddenly spasmed in pain. "Christ! Mingya!" He set back down.

The Angellic-Adjcent appeared by his side, helping him back up in bed. “Hey, hey easy there tiger.” She said as she sat him down. She looked over his body and sucked in a breath. “Yeesh, you look bad. Well, good thing I asked Fri to make you something special.”

She handed Dante the bag, and when he reached in, he saw none other than a babka made in his favorite flavor.

"Chocolate-cinnamon twist!" With a blissful grin, he took a few bites of the dessert, and his injuries started to heal more rapidly. "I can't thank you enough, Jessie."

The non-binary female Angel shrugged, leaned on a nearby wall. “No problem. I figured you needed something after that battle with Devon.”

"I didn't fight Devon," Dante admitted. "The cowardly son of a bitch backed out at the last minute and had my brainwashed siblings try to kill me in his place."

Jessie’s expression went blank, not responding for a full minute before letting out a quiet, “Come again?”

"Before you start making assumptions about my family, let me sum up what happened." Dante held out his hands as he tried to explain. "Apparently, Stromwell put some mind control chips in their brains that made them turn evil. Fortunately, the others and I were able to destroy the chips before they could carry out the orders that digital dickhead was forcing them to carry out. They explained all that to you.. didn't they?"

Jessie cleared her throat. “Well, not really. Between fixing up the talismans one of your brothers oh-so-heartlessly destroyed, chatting, eating a good meal, seeing Khonshu and Clarence making out in the closet, and getting to know your siblings, there wasn’t really much time.”

She then remembered something. “Hey, why’s Khonshu got those tattoos on his back anyway? And are you going to catch them up on what they’ve missed? All the friends you made and all.”

"Apparently, it was a rite of passage among the Egyptian pantheon," Dante said with a shrug. "Y'see, when he reached the gods' age of adulthood, ol' Bird Boy had to go through a process whereby his Dad held him down and carved those tats into him with a magic, burning knife and enchanted ink. Also, for some reason, they were both forced to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua while this was being done. Yeah, Khonny's early years were not happy ones.

  
"Also, which friends were you referring to? If you mean Sixer, Brittney, Noir, and the other askers, I fully intended to share the tale of this little adventure with them once all was said and done."

“Don’t know the show, but coming from you it sounds bad.” Jessie paused. “But it sounds like Clar may be able to make those bad memories into good ones if she manages to make it into her room with Khonshu in tow.

“Also, I meant all of your friends.” She then realized something. “Also, didn’t know you had any other friendships with people on that ask blog we all met on. No offense, but I thought B, myself, Sixer, Noir, and MFW were your only friends on there.”

"Well, to be honest, I was never exactly the best at making friends," Dante admitted. "And most of 'em bailed on me after Danos took over. I thought joining the Ask blog would be a good way to build a new network, and so far, it seems to be working."

Jessie smirked. “So, have you made any other friends on the ask blog asides from us?”

"Not yet, but I'm sure I will." Dante smiled. He grabbed the rest of the Babka. "Thanks again."

Jessie simply smiled, than walked out of the room. “No problem. Now get some rest.” She closed the door behind her.

She was about to walk back to where everyone was when she heard noises coming from Cherresel’s room.

They were low croons, almost as if it were carrying a tune. A sweet tone, but not motherly.

Jessie stopped in her tracks, listening to the noises just beyond Cherresel’s door. Leaning in, she tried to make out any words that were there.

"Super Trouper lights are gonna blind me  
Oh I feel so blue~  
Like I never do~  
Cause in the crowd all i hear are boos~"

It was Super Trouper? But slower, and the lyrics were sad. The melody was a higher octave, maybe even a higher key, but sung in the throat rather than a head voice.

‘ _Is- Is that Cherry Pie?_ ’ Jessie thought to herself, surprised that she was able to sing this sweetly. ‘ _She’s such a sweet singer...maybe now’s a good time to clear the air_.’

Jessie knocked on the door.

"Yes, who is it?" She rasped, stopping the song.

“It’s me,” Jessie said. “You want to talk?”

Jessie heard a hiss of a heavy sigh and the door opened. Cherrelsel was in her more natural form, gems inside her body pulsing with light.

“Hey,” Jessie said, voice uncharacteristically timid. “Can I come in? I feel like I need to clear some things up.”

"The door is open enough isn't it?" Cherrelsel glared at the angel-adjacent. Despite her body looking much bigger in the sludgy form, her head was more towards where her chest would be as she looked up at Jessie.

“Right, sorry.” Jessie walked inside, smiling nervously.

"So what is it exactly you wish to speak about?" Cherrelsel let gravel into her voice as she went back to the mirror, looking over her gems in her neck. Some gems began to sink back into the sludge while others began to pop up.

“I wanted to talk about what I said earlier.” Jessie started, rubbing her arm nervously. “And about what Lucifer said.”

"Oh, the fact that I'm too attached to a 'human' so I wouldn't get a chance to try to destroy the man who tried to make me turn against her because Lucifer's too busy? I'm fine. Revenge really isn't my style. That's more so Watership's and Doryv's." She began working on her right wrist, lifting it to her neck so that the gems matched.

“Yeah...” Jessie looked away nervously. “Look, I know that you think it’s cuz Lucifer and I are related in one universe, but that doesn’t make me related to ALL the versions of The Red Man there is. He only accepted my request because I promised him damned souls and a copy of the only sin I ever committed.”

Cherrelsel gave a glare with her jewel eyes and a snarl of her teeth. "Like I said. I. Don't. Care. About Revenge. If that's the way that your blood wants to disrespect my girl, then fine. If that's all you want to apologize for, then get out."

Jessie huffed, rolling her eyes as she tried to regain the small amount of patience she had. “Cherresel, look, about what I said about your plan, I wasn’t trying to dismiss you. I really do think you’re sexy. But you have to understand that the type of demon I am gets a bad rep for being all about sex and humanly impossible body types that people for one reason or another strive for.

“I wasn’t trying to say you aren’t sexy, cuz you are.”

"Really? Because what I recall you saying is that you had seen sexier when I looked like my girl. Now you listen here: I don't care about not getting revenge but you A: made me think that you insulted me. B: I looked like my girl, so you insulted her looks. and C: you got her all wrong. She isn't just a human she's a person who is running a multiverse and doesn't like to use her powers. You've got her all wrong." Cherrelsel seemed defensive, but also choking up a bit.

“Cher, I-“ Jessie tried.

"What? Go on, speak up." Cherrelsel turned back to the mirror, still focusing on the gems.

Jessie opened her mouth, then sighed. “I’m sorry.”

The Angellic-Adjacent got up from the bed, opened the door, and just before she left, she added: “You don’t have to believe me, and I know you probably won’t, but I’d appreciate it if you’d at least think about it.”

She closed the door on that.

The sludge creature sighed heavily, covering her head with her arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Boxman_Bots_Are_Number_1 and Grande Fan for helping with the inspiration for this story. I look forward to hearing from y'all in the comments!


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